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Cjb,
You are right. It is your home.
Tell her she has to follow the house rules, or she can get her own place.
Let her get a job, let her see how working 2 jobs is really like, and see if he is worth it.
He might cheat on her because she won't be around that much with all the jobs she will have.
I know how you feel, but that is your only choice, or you could insist they get married asap.
Actually say that to him.
Tell him you expect him to marry her shortly if he is staying with her in your home.
He will not be back any time soon.
I'll bet you.
It was the very last line that got me..."What happened to my little girl?" It seems like she doesn't understand age appropriate behavior. I'm not saying the op should allow them to have sex in the house, or anything, but it seems like they should be able to watch TV alone in a room with the door open. I wonder what the BF's living situation is. If he does not live with his parents, then of course they're going to hang out at his place.
I wasn't allowed to have boys in my room either, but my BF's always had their own place (with room mates or whatever), so we hung out there, and my parents didn't give me grief about sleeping over there, either, because if I'd gone away to school, they'd have zero control.
I really didn't take it that way. Maybe your kids are young enough you don't ever think like that. But I have had those thoughts, too. I don't think the OP meant she wanted to treat her daughter like a child. I think she misses the closeness. I think all of us moms can remember our own mother-daughter relationship, and how it changes as we get older. She misses that.
She did say she gave them some space to watch TV alone, then found them lying on the bed together under some blankets. They do have to realize in a house with other people around including an 11 year old who might pop in on them at any time, they need to be judicious.
Cjb,
You are right. It is your home.
Tell her she has to follow the house rules, or she can get her own place.
Let her get a job, let her see how working 2 jobs is really like, and see if he is worth it.
He might cheat on her because she won't be around that much with all the jobs she will have.
I know how you feel, but that is your only choice, or you could insist they get married asap.
Actually say that to him.
Tell him you expect him to marry her shortly if he is staying with her in your home.
He will not be back any time soon.
I'll bet you.
Few here seem to care that there is also an 11 year old in the house, who doesnt need to be exposed to this activity.
If the 20 year old is mature enough to have sex, she's mature enough to get a motel room a few nights a week. If she doesnt have enough respect for her parents not to have sex in their house, she can't expect them to have respect for her.
If that were my daughter there would be no way in hell Id allow that.
Few here seem to care that there is also an 11 year old in the house, who doesnt need to be exposed to this activity.
If the 20 year old is mature enough to have sex, she's mature enough to get a motel room a few nights a week. If she doesnt have enough respect for her parents not to have sex in their house, she can't expect them to have respect for her.
If that were my daughter there would be no way in hell Id allow that.
And at $150 a night for a hotel, (have not seen a motel in YEARS...) it would be cheaper for the 20 year old to get her own place.
Adult children at home need to be thought of as "roommates". Individual people that are capable of making their own decision, without being controlled. You certainly would not tell a roommate they can't have sex with their boyfriend.
Adult children who live in their parents' house have no 'rights' other than the basic rule of law. When someone else is paying the bills, there's ALWAYS going to be stipulations.
The only way to get around the difficulties encountered in a situation where the adult children are living at home, is for the young fledglings to get their own house. There is NO other way. They cannot expect to enjoy all the benefits of being an adult while someone else is picking up the tab! That it is expensive to move out is just a cop out, and certainly no excuse to attempt to pretend to be a fully grown adult while still living with mom and dad....
And at $150 a night for a hotel, (have not seen a motel in YEARS...) it would be cheaper for the 20 year old to get her own place.
Adult children at home need to be thought of as "roommates". Individual people that are capable of making their own decision, without being controlled. You certainly would not tell a roommate they can't have sex with their boyfriend.
Wrong. If you are still living at home past the age of an adult you have two options. Move out and live however you want or follow the rules of the house.
And at $150 a night for a hotel, (have not seen a motel in YEARS...) it would be cheaper for the 20 year old to get her own place.
Adult children at home need to be thought of as "roommates". Individual people that are capable of making their own decision, without being controlled. You certainly would not tell a roommate they can't have sex with their boyfriend.
Why roommates and not tenants? Many leases DO provide stipulations on guests. Just sayin'.
ETA: Or maybe a better analogy is that the 20-year-old is the au-pair of the 11-year-old. Tricky!
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