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If the girl is spending the night at her BF house whats the problem shes not having sex in your home. I don't see the issues seems like it worked itself out
I babysat 3 of my brothers age 5, 2 and under a year when I was 11 and years beyond. I'm not talking about ten minute run to the store. I'm talking 7:30-4 all summer for nothing. But then again, I have a terrible mother.
I babysat 3 of my brothers age 5, 2 and under a year when I was 11 and years beyond. I'm not talking about ten minute run to the store. I'm talking 7:30-4 all summer for nothing. But then again, I have a terrible mother.
Totally not the topic of the thread. We've had those discussions, and probably will have them again.
Oh good lord...this site needs to set guidelines for people who write first posts...like they should be members for a month or reply to so many posts or have a rep number higher. I mean...really?
These stories are all made up and probably aimed at increasing traffic.
These stories are all made up and probably aimed at increasing traffic.
Interesting...I had not thought of that. Makes more sense then someone doing it for fun...because it doesn't seem fun, especially if you don't come back to stir the pot.
This is really a cultural thing, as well. In France, for example, it's not at all uncommon for parents to allow their daughter's (or son's) boyfriend or girlfriend to sleep over. My best friend is French. She and her husband are wonderful people; they are well educated, work hard, and have a raised a wonderful son (my godson). Once he reached college age and would come home on the weekends, his girlfriend was allowed to spend the night with him in his room (and I suspect that this was the case when they were in their last year of high school, as well). Apparently, this is quite common. What was most interesting to me is that my own reaction was one of mild shock: I had no idea I was so conservative about this type of thing.
In your situation, I would not allow it (even if I were French), because you don't really know this guy. Further, it's your house: you can make any rules you want. If she respected you, she would respect your discomfort; after all, her boyfriend has his own place, so there's no reason why she should feel free to use your house for her make-out sessions. It sounds like she is quite immature and is still trying, at the age of 20, to push your buttons. She needs to grow up, respect your feelings, and act like an adult instead of a petulant brat.
She grew up and is a 20 year old adult and he is 22. What do you expect?
You have a choice to make. Are you going to continue with the stance she can't have a boyfriend in her room or is she going to go to his place and sooner than later shack up with him? That is where this is headed.
As for him having a girlfriend and hiding it from your daughter for a couple of months....that is typical late teens early twenties dating. You always keep the piece you are getting until you find the new one you like better. Pieces of a$$ are like jobs, it is harder to find one when you don't have one so always find another before you leave the current one. That is dating 101, everybody should know that for crying out loud. Then you mentioned she dated him for 3 months before introducing him to you, the parents.....if you want to lose a new boyfriend, take him home to meet your parents in the first few months. lol Most guys will think "whoa, she wants me to meet her parents. I'm not trying to get married yet."
Why call it "hiding"? It wasn't worth mentioning....and if she thought it WAS worth mentioning after only a couple months THEN I'd be worried! It's not even a "thing" at that point.
Was this girl never out of your house for college? You treat her like she's 16. Pay her dorm fee and let her do what every other college girl does, thankfully out of eye- and earshot of their parents. Right - you aren't meant to be seeing or dealing with any of this - so get her out of your house and problem is over.
And, people are forgetting about the younger child in the home. And, IMHO, it can become an even bigger problem when the younger child is slightly older, perhaps 12 or 13 or 14 and sees that it is apparently OK for Big Sis & BF to snuggle under blankets in the family room or spend hours behind closed bedroom doors and they demand the same "privileges" with their boyfriends.
That's the same thing ALL parents deal with in terms of ALL siblings for ALL activities. Whether it is snuggling and sex or curfews or bedtime, or how many hours of screen time! As we've heard on here a hundred times, rules don't have to be logical, just keep repeating like a broken record "My house, my rules" - you can use that on all your kids, regardless of age or the issue at hand...problem solved...soooo easy.
I told my two "kids" that "I should never have to feel uncomfortable in my home." Between that and having an impressionable 11 year old at home (watching & listening to how you handle things) I say stick to your guns. Tell your daughter you would hate to see her leave school, but that she is an adult and it will be here choice. If you are paying for her schooling set an expiration date for her to change her mind.
This is really a cultural thing, as well. In France, for example, it's not at all uncommon for parents to allow their daughter's (or son's) boyfriend or girlfriend to sleep over. My best friend is French. She and her husband are wonderful people; they are well educated, work hard, and have a raised a wonderful son (my godson). Once he reached college age and would come home on the weekends, his girlfriend was allowed to spend the night with him in his room (and I suspect that this was the case when they were in their last year of high school, as well). Apparently, this is quite common. What was most interesting to me is that my own reaction was one of mild shock: I had no idea I was so conservative about this type of thing.
In your situation, I would not allow it (even if I were French), because you don't really know this guy. Further, it's your house: you can make any rules you want. If she respected you, she would respect your discomfort; after all, her boyfriend has his own place, so there's no reason why she should feel free to use your house for her make-out sessions. It sounds like she is quite immature and is still trying, at the age of 20, to push your buttons. She needs to grow up, respect your feelings, and act like an adult instead of a petulant brat.
Your daughter is an adult. She has a sex life. This is normal. Sex is part of pair-bonding in human beings.
It.
Is.
Normal.
Part of acting like an adult includes not copping an IT'S MY HOME, I CAN DO WHAT I WANT! attitude wherein your proclaim yourself Il Duce of your house. Yes, it is your house. Yes, you can do what you want. But there's a huge divide between what one can do and what one should do.
I've been married for almost 22 years, and I have lost track of the times I've realized that my in-laws are excellent, well-adjusted people who never thrust their own insecurities on their children and, by extension, the mates of their children. They have always treated us as equals. And we all respect them tremendously for that (seriously, I have rock-star in-laws). I cannot imagine them being so petty and self-absorbed as to demand that we pretend we're all not really adults so that they can perpetuate their image of their children as minors, as non-sexual beings, as conspirators in some grand parental reality-denial scheme.
I realize most are not as fortunate as I.
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