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Your house and your rules. As my dad always said "You pay the bills, your rules."
It doesn't matter what anyone else does, and sadly following that path never leads to a good place.
Sounds like emotional blackmail with the moving out. Spending so much time with this male probably wasn't making getting school work done very easy, so she may be struggling especially if he is not a college student.
The poster probably meant "In my home", in which case it is very easy to enforce if they don't want the child to do these things in the parental household: Serve your adult child with an eviction notice, then pile their stuff on the front lawn in accordance with local law.
Obviously, the poster can't prevent the adult child from doing these things before marriage...except in THEIR HOUSE. If the adult child has the mindset that, now that they are 18+, they can do whatever they like, they are perfectly welcome do so, anywhere but mom and dad's house.
Parents can kick their adult children to the curb for any or no reason, there is no obligation for justification to be explained.
As for the daughter being thrown out then proceeding to drop out of college, work a minimum wage job, or have unintended children, all of these things would be the daughter's responsibility. Adults don't use mom and dad as a scapegoat for their own personal mistakes.
Good parents don't force their young adult child to throw away their future just because of WHERE they are having sex. That is bad parenting. What is the difference if they have sex in his apartment or the parents house?
Come on, Kibbie ... you know they aren't JUST napping or watching TV.
Don't you remember being that age?
I do. And I NEVER had sex in my parents house while they were home. Too afraid of being caught or heard. Embarrassing. Also, my BF's always had their own places. After HS, we didn't hang out at my parent's house much.
Do you really think they had sex on the couch in the family room under that blanket before the nap? Why wouldn't the OP have said so, if that's what she thought?
I do. And I NEVER had sex in my parents house while they were home. Too afraid of being caught or heard. Embarrassing. Also, my BF's always had their own places. After HS, we didn't hang out at my parent's house much.
Do you really think they had sex on the couch in the family room under that blanket before the nap? Why wouldn't the OP have said so, if that's what she thought?
No, I don't think they did, but I feel certain SOMEthing was happening under that blanket.
Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Now they are tired of playing the "napping on the couch" game, so they are just cutting to the chase at the BF's house.
I don't understand. Your step daughter needs counseling for what? For being gay? For having sex? I could not figure out by your post what her issue is. Maybe I missed your reasoning somewhere.
She has been seeing the therapist as part of family therapy. I don't think she needs therapy for the other issues.
Quote:
Originally Posted by convextech
Wow. I think I would have gone to the therapist without them. And truthfully, the kids probably don't need therapy...your husband does. It's not their fault he's a rug for them to walk on. They are only behaving the way they are allowed to.
I agree.
Quote:
Originally Posted by mochamajesty
I think there are two conversations going on. Photobuff inserted herself into this thread instead of starting a new one. She is the one talking about her teen stepdaughter and confusing the issue.
Good parents don't force their young adult child to throw away their future just because of WHERE they are having sex. That is bad parenting. What is the difference if they have sex in his apartment or the parents house?
If they are fully fledged adults, their future is their responsibility. Mature adults don't blame their parents for "ruining their future" by not letting them have sex parties in the house when they are in college.
Kids who truly want to be successful won't let being locked out of the parental household "ruin their future". At age 20-21 your responsibility for their future is a horse that has long since bolted from the stable.
As far as I am concerned, if adult kids want to profess their adulthood and ability to do anything once they are of legal age without any consequences, they will get the whole package. They must move out, pay their rent, pay their water bill, pay the gas bill, pay the food bill, pay car insurance, pay all of their taxes, pay their car payment, pay for any medical bills, and so on and so forth. Yes, being an adult is more than just partying, drinking, and having sex, doesn't living at home sound much better?
Last edited by Whereitwent; 03-02-2017 at 06:27 PM..
If they are fully fledged adults, their future is their responsibility. Mature adults don't blame their parents for "ruining their future" by not letting them have sex parties in the house when they are in college.
Kids who truly want to be successful won't let being locked out of the parental household "ruin their future". At age 20-21 your responsibility for their future is a horse that has long since bolted from the stable.
As far as I am concerned, if adult kids want to profess their adulthood and ability to do anything once they are of legal age without any consequences, they will get the whole package. They must move out, pay their rent, pay their water bill, pay the gas bill, pay the food bill, pay car insurance, pay all of their taxes, pay their car payment, pay for any medical bills, and so on and so forth. Yes, being an adult is more than just partying, drinking, and having sex, doesn't living at home sound much better?
Who said anything about the daughter having sex parties?
Who said anything about the daughter having sex parties?
Sex, sex parties...Splitting hairs is a really poor form of argument and shows lack of a good rebuttal.
If you want your adult children to live in and run your household with no restrictions well into their thirties, it's fine by me. I would never subscribe to that drivel, not for a nanosecond...
Most college kids I know, while they COULD be taking care of themselves, do not live independently and still consider themselves part of their parents' household, since that is where they go on breaks. This girl apparently is a commuter student, which blurs the boundaries even more.
To be fair, Mom hasn't "grown up" either, and she obviously still pictures her daughter as a child and not an adult. That certainly isn't helping the situation.
Yes this is absolutely correct. I was a commuter student in college myself. I offered to financially contribute (since I was always working while enrolled full time in school) but was told to save my money. I was still bound by the house rules which, while fairly relaxed, did not include allowing my bf into my bedroom with the door closed.
We honestly didn't spend a whole lot of time at either parents' houses (he also lived with his parents at the time) and instead just went out and hung out with other friends, parks, libraries, museums, out to eat, movies, stuff like that.
Interestingly my friends who did go away to college and lived on campus (or off campus housing) would constantly talk about how it was great to be independent and didn't I wish I was too. Guess who was paying for them to live there??
Good parents don't force their young adult child to throw away their future just because of WHERE they are having sex. That is bad parenting. What is the difference if they have sex in his apartment or the parents house?
It's called respect something that is lacking today .
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