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I waited until I was established in my career and savings. I didn't have kids until I was 42--and I'm female. Best decision of my life. By then, I really wanted them and was ready in terms of maturity and resources. I had to use medical resources to get pregnant, but I did and had twins. That was almost 15 years ago.
Trust me, they cost a lot of $$$$$ and need the right guidance. Good parenting is one of the most difficult jobs in the world.
No. I’m not ready. So do I try to make it work or should I just give it up?
If after all this time you haven’t thought that a family and children are a priority, I doubt you ever will. Not everyone is cut out for marriage and children you know. Maybe you could share your life with a family members kids? Please do not get married and start having children “just because”. There is far too much of that already.
As the guy you don't need to worry about complications like women do. Your tadpoles aren't going to produce babies with brain damage. If you are worried a out complications maybe look for someone a few years younger. Just make sure you're actually compatible.
Well, not exactly. The older the father, the higher the chance the child will be on the autism spectrum. OP is on the spectrum, so there is an even greater hereditary risk.
OP, having a child to satisfy a bloodline is the wrong idea. Don't have kids if you are not prepared to make major sacrifices. Not just financial. You will be responsible for their mental, physical, spiritual and emotional growth. Are you able to do that?
Does your sibling have any genetic deficiencies? How old is the mother at that time?
I was 30 with my first & 32 for my second. We had two boys, neither has had health issues. Hubby was always mistaken for the kids grandfather. He passed away when our sons were 23 & 25.
The ones I've observed never end up having kids because they never reach that magic moment where they think they can. These are mainly people in the upper 5% of income, making more in a couple months than the vast majority of people make in a year.
That has sort of been my experience as well (with people I've known). I have friends who have been saying they'll have kids "soon" for years now. The truth is they're never quite ready... or else they would start trying a while back.
I wish we would have had our first kid a bit later than we did, because he was a complete surprise. But I probably wouldn't have been nearly as motivated to do a lot of the stuff I did once we initially got pregnant. I'm all for having a solid career before you have kids but, again, I wouldn't have been as motivated to get a raise, and grow my career if I didn't have a need for more income. I was pretty comfortable, income wise, as a single guy.
Could just be me though. However, ya, finding a good partner/spouse/etc. is probably your first step OP.
Edit: Also, just wanted to say, there are things my wife and I wish we could have done before having kids, but we also don't regret having kids so early (I was only 26 when our first was born, and now I'm 31).
I've never really understood the whole "end of a bloodline" concept. To me, 1) who cares? what's so great about anyone's "bloodline" and 2) it's really not the end of a bloodline unless you have no siblings, none of your parents had siblings, or their parents had no siblings, etc. If you go back into your genealogy, you will see that there are other relatives who have children. Will they have the exact combination of your parents' DNA to come out just like yours? Nope, unless you have a twin. Even your children will only be half "you".
Agree with this. IMHO breeding to ensure that your "line" doesn't disappear is one of the odder expressions of arrogance, narcissism. The "leaving a legacy/bloodline" thing wouldn't necessarily have the desired result even if the biological stars did align perfectly. Even the most perfect genetic start can produce a very messed up human being if the parents raising and influencing that paragon don't know or care in the right way. Just look through human history...many sad examples of exactly this.
When I think about the many parents I've known over the years there are those who seemed wonderfully "fit" to reproduce...the more the better. Great people raising great kids who became great adults, all done with care and devotion. There are also those who should never have tried. I am childless and much too old now to reconsider. That's OK. It wasn't something I was ever that passionate about, the relationship stars didn't line up at the right time, and there are a few biological characteristics I wouldn't really want to hand down to anyone else. No regrets. Its all good. The planet isn't going to miss a thing.
As for leaving a legacy there are multiple ways to do that. The good someone accomplishes in their life isn't limited to offspring.
Last edited by Parnassia; 06-09-2020 at 10:05 AM..
I am a male entering my mid 30s. I just can’t believe how I’m this old. Age can be relative though because my older relatives always think I’m young and my young relatives always think I’m old. But I’m talking about being a parent.
But I’ve never felt the way I feel now. I think quarantine made me think about things. I still feel young and look it but I don’t like the number anymore. I wish I could go back and be 10 years younger just so I wouldn’t be feel like time is running out to get married and have kids. Although if I could go back, honestly I would probably do the same things.
But I read if you wait to late to have kids then they could end up with brain problems. But I am starting to feel pressured right now. How can I have kids when I don’t even have a spouse or girlfriend? Plus there’s The Who time commitment and financial strain. Obviously I’m not ready. I know that.
Do I want kids? No and yes. I like being single and saving money and having time to do the hobbies I do. I love it.
But there’s many sides to this. I’m afraid that when I’m an old man that I’ll regret not having kids and grandkids. I am into genealogy. I love studying family and ancestry. For me to not have any kids would mean that my bloodline stops. And I would be disappointing my family
Also I’m worried maybe it’s too late to have kids already. I always felt young but then life goes by fast. I never even thought about kids. But now I’m stating to feel this guilt inside of me.
I know that taking care of kids is a big responsibility and is expensive. I once heard not having any and regretting it is not as bad as having them but regretting it. And then there’s the whole thing about needing a wife too. I’m not married!
I suppose I could adopt kids. But then my bloodline would stop. And I’m not ready for taking care of anyone. So I feel bad either way. I wish I could be 10 years younger again so that I could push all this to the side and just think about it later.
But now the time has come and I just feel awful. Would it be better if my wife was younger? I just can’t even believe I’m in my 30s let alone mid 30s now. It doesn’t even feel real. It felt like I was in my 20s yesterday.
I just feel like this is a no win situation for me. Sure I would love to find the girl of my dreams. And then get married and have kids. But sometimes that’s not in the card for you. It’s weird because just last week I wasn’t thinking about this.
No, you should not just give up. Being a father is the greatest experience in the world. Your hobbies, your job, your money... these are trivialities. A couple of children to come home to every night... those are forever and precious and simply magical. Everything else pales by comparison.
I got a girlfriend at age 39 (both of us) and had a daughter at 45 (we did use fertility treatments because her eggs were too old). This girl is like an angel come down from heaven. She's beautiful, talented, loving, and amazing. I love her more than my life (I love my wife, too, but in a different way ).
That said, if you pass on having children, you may or may not regret it 40 years from now. You know, we humans are resilient; we adapt to our situation and move on from regrets.
But if I were your dad, I'd be advising you to hunt for a woman in the 28-32 range, who is probably feeling her biological clock ticking and wanting to start a family, learn to communicate as well as possible because that's how relationships last after the initial romantic glow wears off. Then go for it; don't stop and think "gee the world's too crowded, global warming, etc., should I bring a child into this world?" A lot of friends of mine thought that way, and now in their later years they're saying "Wish I'd had a kid. Sigh..."
Best of luck and post the baby pictures here in about 2022
No, you should not just give up. Being a father is the greatest experience in the world. Your hobbies, your job, your money... these are trivialities. A couple of children to come home to every night... those are forever and precious and simply magical. Everything else pales by comparison.
I got a girlfriend at age 39 (both of us) and had a daughter at 45 (we did use fertility treatments because her eggs were too old). This girl is like an angel come down from heaven. She's beautiful, talented, loving, and amazing. I love her more than my life (I love my wife, too, but in a different way ).
That said, if you pass on having children, you may or may not regret it 40 years from now. You know, we humans are resilient; we adapt to our situation and move on from regrets.
But if I were your dad, I'd be advising you to hunt for a woman in the 28-32 range, who is probably feeling her biological clock ticking and wanting to start a family, learn to communicate as well as possible because that's how relationships last after the initial romantic glow wears off. Then go for it; don't stop and think "gee the world's too crowded, global warming, etc., should I bring a child into this world?" A lot of friends of mine thought that way, and now in their later years they're saying "Wish I'd had a kid. Sigh..."
Best of luck and post the baby pictures here in about 2022
No. No you wouldn't.
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He passed away when our sons were 23 & 25.
