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Old 06-09-2020, 11:56 AM
 
15,142 posts, read 27,220,585 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Parnassia View Post
Agree with this. IMHO breeding to ensure that your "line" doesn't disappear is one of the odder expressions of arrogance, narcissism. ...

As for leaving a legacy there are multiple ways to do that. The good someone accomplishes in their life isn't limited to offspring.
I've heard many men of an engineering/science mindset talk about continuing their DNA, not because they have such great DNA but because they think that makes them immortal after death (at least until the next generation). I think it's easier for abstract-thinking guys to see "having a kid" in that kind of abstract sense, and I am willing to bet they have no idea of actually caring for or raising a child or 'gasp' staying home to be with children. No doubt it's an unconscious assumption that those things will fall to the woman. Should ask these men what if you became a single parent, if the mother died or left? Do you want to BE a father or just reproduce DNA for one generation to satisfy your fear of the end of life?

While I've heard a lot more women than men say they want a baby or child, I've rarely if ever heard a woman say she thinks it's natural to want to pass on her DNA or leave a biological legacy. I bet women have much more of a sense of who is gonna do all the work of being a parent, for better and worse.

I have no doubt that the pandemic and being home more has led a lot of people to look to "family" for belonging or projected happiness or a stopgap against one's own death. I mean, it's one thing to think of your own death as "someday" and another to think, "Gee, it could be in three weeks."
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Old 06-09-2020, 12:00 PM
 
Location: Tucson Arizona
4,878 posts, read 2,213,144 times
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If you're already depressed, having a kid won't fix you. It kind of sounds like you're making a mental list of why your life is bad. "Don't have kids" is just an item on the list, not a real issue.

Maybe you could be a sperm donor. Your genetic legacy would be preserved, but you wouldn't have to raise the rugrats or change your lifestyle.I
I get the impression that some donors are able to see at least some of the children they fathered: be a heck of a family tree.
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Old 06-09-2020, 01:10 PM
 
Location: Canada
9,603 posts, read 9,002,845 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa View Post
Don't have kids if you are not prepared to make major sacrifices. Not just financial. You will be responsible for their mental, physical, spiritual and emotional growth. Are you able to do that?
This cannot be emphasized enough.

.
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Old 06-09-2020, 03:01 PM
 
Location: Greenville, SC
5,229 posts, read 4,177,539 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KimNChicago View Post
Trust me, they cost a lot of $$$$$ and need the right guidance. Good parenting is one of the most difficult jobs in the world.
Over $284,000 up to age 17 for food, shelter, and necessities - and that doesn't include the cost of a college education. Two kids, and you're talking over half a million bucks.

https://www.thestreet.com/personal-f...ng-a-baby-2020
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Old 06-09-2020, 04:20 PM
 
8,513 posts, read 12,524,356 times
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I'm almost 10 years older and a fair amount of my friends had kids (first ones) in the past few years. Many more have had their 2nd and 3rd kids in their 40s. So, you got some time.

They were east and west coast urban though, and lived their life thoroughly (travel and leisure) before doing so.

Despite all the verbiage about 'you should only have kids if you absolutely 100% want them and 100% can take care of them', I believe many people, including the aforementioned friends of mine had them because ... that was the point of life they reached.

Basically, they had no burning desire to have kids, but reached a point where social life got stale because less people were available to hang out, travelling and things like bars and dining out had been done, and activities that they used to be passionate about (music, movies) may have gotten old or seem somewhat more juvenille.

So, having a kid is basically, the next thing to do in life.

That moment can happen at any time.
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Old 06-09-2020, 07:13 PM
 
15,142 posts, read 27,220,585 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jobaba View Post
...
Basically, they had no burning desire to have kids, but reached a point where social life got stale because less people were available to hang out, travelling and things like bars and dining out had been done, and activities that they used to be passionate about (music, movies) may have gotten old or seem somewhat more juvenille.

So, having a kid is basically, the next thing to do in life.

That moment can happen at any time.
Yes, but that's still not a good reason to do it. Is there anything about being a parent that they were seeking or was there just nothing else to do? Does that get through difficult times as parents?

I've seen more that people are approaching the end point time-wise, usually the woman and they have one because they're afraid of regretting not having one years later. My observation is, yes, there's an almost-animal love of the offspring but they truly dislike being a parent.
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Old 06-09-2020, 10:20 PM
 
778 posts, read 654,047 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Einhander View Post
No. I’m not ready. So do I try to make it work or should I just give it up?
Very bluntly- do not have kids if you are not ready for them and a family life.

Kids and a "party every night" lifestyle do not go well together. Kids are resource intensive, and the resource they consume most is time.
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Old 06-10-2020, 06:38 AM
 
Location: Crook County, Illinois
4,605 posts, read 2,124,186 times
Reputation: 6072
I'm male in my late 30's. There's no way I'd want to bring a kid into this world. Ever since 9/11, it's been a pathetic mess. I'd feel like a piece of garbage for having a child today. Just look at the events that happened in the 21st century alone, and we're only 20 years into it.
* 9/11 terrorist attacks
* Oil War (2003 Iraq War) that started under false pretenses
* TSA abuses in airports "for your safety"
* Great Recession that destroyed thousands of jobs
* Politically-motivated Coronavirus scamdemic
* Government overreach with needless "stay home" orders
* Politicians flagrantly violating those orders themselves
* Riots of 2020, with mayors ordering the police not to stop them
* Rampant ballot fraud with mail-in votes in November
* (another bad thing)
* (and another)
* (and another)

So if it makes the OP feel any better, he can look at his lack of kids as sparing innocent human beings from living in a god-awful world we created for ourselves.
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Old 06-10-2020, 07:00 AM
 
Location: Cleveland, OH
9,558 posts, read 8,669,735 times
Reputation: 8527
Quote:
Originally Posted by RamenAddict View Post
That is not true. There is a higher incidence of autism in children when the parents are older. This also happens when only the father is older. I saw this as well at my last job (state agency that served people with developmental disabilities). We had a lot of clients with much older parents. That said, the OP is only in his 30s, so no need to worry just yet.
Exactly. Men need to worry about age too, it's basically a myth that it doesn't matter. I think men might have an extra 5 or so years vs women, it's still quite serious.
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Old 06-10-2020, 07:02 AM
 
Location: Cleveland, OH
9,558 posts, read 8,669,735 times
Reputation: 8527
Quote:
Originally Posted by MillennialUrbanist View Post
I'm male in my late 30's. There's no way I'd want to bring a kid into this world. Ever since 9/11, it's been a pathetic mess. I'd feel like a piece of garbage for having a child today. Just look at the events that happened in the 21st century alone, and we're only 20 years into it.
* 9/11 terrorist attacks
* Oil War (2003 Iraq War) that started under false pretenses
* TSA abuses in airports "for your safety"
* Great Recession that destroyed thousands of jobs
* Politically-motivated Coronavirus scamdemic
* Government overreach with needless "stay home" orders
* Politicians flagrantly violating those orders themselves
* Riots of 2020, with mayors ordering the police not to stop them
* Rampant ballot fraud with mail-in votes in November
* (another bad thing)
* (and another)
* (and another)

So if it makes the OP feel any better, he can look at his lack of kids as sparing innocent human beings from living in a god-awful world we created for ourselves.
We are currently living through the largest, most comprehensive, most all permeating psyop in world history. I understand your hesitance, and I don't have kids either. But I still feel like our greatest natural resource is children, especially if they are raised by people who are aware of what's going on.
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