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Your post reminds me of when people say that if a toddler runs into traffic he should be spanked. I say if a toddler runs into traffic his parent should be slapped because if you're close to traffic and you aren't keeping your toddler safe and by your side, you're totally screwing up as a parent.
Spoken like someone who's never had kids.
Things happen.
Even the best, most conscientious parent can have a childs hand slip from their grasp and the child run off into danger before the parent can reach them again.
And when accidents happen it is not always because a parent was negligent in some way. You should not add to the misery of any parent reading here who's lost a child (or had one injured) when they simply could not prevent it, a misery you cannot possibly understand unless you've had a similar fate.
Spanking a disobedient child when they have done something dangerous sends a clear message the child will be more likely to take in and remember. That spanking could in fact save their life later down the line.
Never mind the fact that at the age of 22 anyone can Google "Free Mental Health Counseling" and go talk to a professional about all of this if it was so tremendously traumatizing. And why there is such a seeming need to share all of this over and over and over.
(As horrible upbringings go I've heard much, much worse. I've heard "OMG break your heart and weep with them" worse. I've known people with stunningly brutal, violent childhoods. And those people aren't usually seeking sympathy. It usually comes out in bits and pieces and often from other people who knew them as children. Not the survivors themselves.)
This has been my experience EXACTLY! The ones who've actually "survived" truly horrible upbringings are generally not willing to share the information, at least not by 22 years of age, and generally only with their absolute closest friends. The ones who have a tendency to tell anyone who'll listen, are generally the ones who are the instigators, the ones who may or may not have been punished, AFTER pushing their parent waaay past their limits! Then...it's, "She just totally freaked out on me for NO reason!"
Even the best, most conscientious parent can have a childs hand slip from their grasp and the child run off into danger before the parent can reach them again.
And when accidents happen it is not always because a parent was negligent in some way. You should not add to the misery of any parent reading here who's lost a child (or had one injured) when they simply could not prevent it, a misery you cannot possibly understand unless you've had a similar fate.
Spanking a disobedient child when they have done something dangerous sends a clear message the child will be more likely to take in and remember. That spanking could in fact save their life later down the line.
How I agree with you! My two children are now aged 53 and 45 respectively. The elder was a terror and had to be kept on leading reins, he was sometimes spanked (but not with any implement) and it didn't do him any harm. He has no hang ups and grew up to be a law abiding citizen (a police officer in fact) My daughter was quite the opposite and rarely needed to be punished. When so a gentle tap on her bottom was usually enough to correct her. Both are well adjusted adults and have never caused me a moment's worry while growing up.
Spoken like someone who's never had kids.Things happen.
Even the best, most conscientious parent can have a childs hand slip from their grasp and the child run off into danger before the parent can reach them again.
And when accidents happen it is not always because a parent was negligent in some way. You should not add to the misery of any parent reading here who's lost a child (or had one injured) when they simply could not prevent it, a misery you cannot possibly understand unless you've had a similar fate.
Spanking a disobedient child when they have done something dangerous sends a clear message the child will be more likely to take in and remember. That spanking could in fact save their life later down the line.
I have a daughter who will turn 13 later this month.
When she was a toddler my husband and I were outside with her and got distracted talking to a neighbor. Without warning, she took off as fast as her little toddler legs would carry her for the nearest corner, about 3 houses down. As we sprinted after her, we could hear a truck barreling down the street toward the intersection. I remember thinking, "she'll trip on the curb and probably bust her face up, but it will stop her from getting all the way to the street." At the last minute, she stopped, turned around and gave us her best "Look what I did!" grin. My husband scooped her up and we both told her loudly and repeatedly that what she had done was very dangerous, etc. etc., and to never do that again. She must have seen the fear in our faces because she got serious. And, although we never dreamed of spanking her, she never ran into the street again. We were able to convey the message with words and body language.
Of course accidents happen and they are not always someone's fault, but a toddler darting into the street is no reason to spank him or her. If they aren't old enough to appreciate the danger they shouldn't be allowed to wander so far that you can't grab them if they take off running. Believe me, I have tortured myself with that scene countless times. But it never occurred to me that she had done something for which she deserved a spanking--only that we should have been more vigilant.
Spanking a disobedient child when they have done something dangerous sends a clear message the child will be more likely to take in and remember. That spanking could in fact save their life later down the line.
Do you have any research or statistics to back that up? Or is it just something you believe?
If spanking is such an effective discipline technique, why to people have to spank more than once for the same behavior?
Do you have any research or statistics to back that up? Or is it just something you believe?
If spanking is such an effective discipline technique, why to people have to spank more than once for the same behavior?
If NOT spanking is such an effective discipline technique, why do people have to repeat themselves more than once, for the same behavior. How insulting.
my husbands dad did this to him. if he misbehaved, his mom would tell his dad and his dad would get a belt when he got home, tell him why he was doing this and then he would get hit with the belt. and guess what... my husband turned out to be a wonderful man, husband, and father. he doesn't feel like he was ever sexually or psychologically f***ed up. every child is different.
Yeah well.
My dad did this to me, which was pulling pants down and smacking bare butt.
He turned out to have 150+ pics of child porn on his computers, plus a record of child abuse and went to jail.
If NOT spanking is such an effective discipline technique, why do people have to repeat themselves more than once, for the same behavior. How insulting.
Not spanking is not a technique. There ARE techniques that do work.
I have a daughter who will turn 13 later this month.
When she was a toddler my husband and I were outside with her and got distracted talking to a neighbor. Without warning, she took off as fast as her little toddler legs would carry her for the nearest corner, about 3 houses down. As we sprinted after her, we could hear a truck barreling down the street toward the intersection. I remember thinking, "she'll trip on the curb and probably bust her face up, but it will stop her from getting all the way to the street." At the last minute, she stopped, turned around and gave us her best "Look what I did!" grin. My husband scooped her up and we both told her loudly and repeatedly that what she had done was very dangerous, etc. etc., and to never do that again. She must have seen the fear in our faces because she got serious. And, although we never dreamed of spanking her, she never ran into the street again. We were able to convey the message with words and body language.
Of course accidents happen and they are not always someone's fault, but a toddler darting into the street is no reason to spank him or her. If they aren't old enough to appreciate the danger they shouldn't be allowed to wander so far that you can't grab them if they take off running. Believe me, I have tortured myself with that scene countless times. But it never occurred to me that she had done something for which she deserved a spanking--only that we should have been more vigilant.
You said... "I say if a toddler runs into traffic his parent should be slapped because if you're close to traffic and you aren't keeping your toddler safe and by your side, you're totally screwing up as a parent."
Just wondering...did you slap yourself after your daughter ran toward that intersection into danger, or did you let your husband do it?
My parents NEVER spanked us - yet they had quite an authoritative, even authoritarian approach. When father was sleeping we knew that you'd better be able to hear a mosquito flying in the house!
We were simply intimidated by our parents' weight. There was virtually no need for spanking, pleading, coaxing or ANY OTHER highly imaginative approaches of the kind you suggest.
We were simply told what we could and could not do and we obeyed. We never got to let lose and thus beg for spanking in the first place. We had an imaginary straight-jacket that came from the authority our parents exuded. They were NOT our friends and they rarely tried to please us or coax us. They protected us, guided us, mentored us, taught us and expected us to show results. They also acted quite important in front of us. Believe it or not - this helps.
Happily, my oldest is past the spanking stage and is a well-behaved, polite, good child with whom you can easily reason now.
He used to be a nightmare. He got spanked.
He emerged as a well-behaved child.
He is all whole, physically and mentally - and he loves us as much as we love him (that would be "to death").
If your parents were able to instill obedience in you without raising their hands, why couldn't you do the same? After all, they modeled good parental behavior, yet you don't seem able to exude authority with your own children. Why not?
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