Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Location: Live:Downtown Phoenix, AZ/Work:Greater Los Angeles, CA
27,606 posts, read 14,678,071 times
Reputation: 9169
Advertisements
Quote:
Originally Posted by ajonesaz
Being from Gilbert, I can say nobody has asked my religion or political views. I did have to tell the missionaries I wasn't interested at one time, but beyond that I don't feel any overwhelming sense of seclusion here.
Everyone here is telling you to move, but I don't think that will solve your problem. You didn't even mention how your husband was fitting in or whether your kids were making friends at school.
If the whole family is failing, sure, make the move. But it sounds like you are having a hard time adjusting to moving to a different place and if that is the case is doesn't matter where you move. Go out and meet people and give it some time.
I used to live in Gilbert years ago, and I remember having a political discussion with friends at our community pool, and some conservative neighbors all got in my face and criticized me
Yes, of course there is a thing known as "relocation depression". It's a high stress situation where you are totally out of your element. You don't know where you are or if you should be there. Nothing is familiar. No one is helpful. No one seems to care about your troubles. There is no close friend to support you or listen to your sadness. It might be even worse if your family has adjusted ok, but you cannot.
The good news is this is temporary. Time will be the healer. Every day write down a new goal. When you get up, get out of bed and look at that goal and tell yourself you will complete it that day. One goal could be look for a meet up group. The next goal could be actually GO to the meet. The next goal might be to make a friend at that meet. And share your feelings with that person. Or go over to a neighbor's house and ask them for something. (advice, a cup of sugar, where the carwash is, etc). Remember, time is your friend. Maybe you can find a newcomer's club to join. Whatever it is, do it. You will feel better in time.
I went through it. We've been here 6 years. My first 6 months, I cried every day. We are presently headed out because for me, it's definitely not somewhere I want to live in the rest of our lives, but there are people here who are very good people - it's just going to take some effort to find them. Try looking into meetup groups, as suggested above. It's rough at first and Gilbert can be a hard town. Do you have a neighborhood Facebook group? Or are you on Nextdoor? Maybe you can find some people in your neighborhood who would like a walking buddy or a coffee friend. I'm sorry you're going through it - it's an awful awful thing to feel. Hugs.
I think Gilbert is an excellent city. One of the safest cities of it's size in the country, very clean, lots of big-box retail stores with lots of product selection and variety. Lots of strong homeowners associations ensuring the neighborhoods stay in tip-top shape.
The only city I have had really good times and met really good, interesting people have been in Gilbert. Even going shopping is nice in Gilbert with all the smiling people and customer service employees who don't have to deal with the unappealing traits of the more urban areas.
I think Gilbert is a near-perfect wholesome city but even better for families and retiree's.
I can't even imagine living in Phoenix proper. It is amazing how much friendlier Gilbert is then Phoenix. Phoenix is a high-poverty city, severe social breakdown in many areas and the homes are older and overpriced.
I don't understand the allure of Tempe except it is a huge employment base with higher education and insurance jobs. Downtown Gilbert is far nicer then Mill Avenue in Tempe.
I worked in Alhambra a couple of years ago during my first time living in Phoenix and why anyone would want to pay the same price per square foot to live in Phoenix with the negative influences and disorderly behavior when they can be around happy, content and friendly people in Gilbert is beyond me.
Compare the poverty rates, income levels, shopping amenities, education pound for pound in Gilbert over Phoenix and it is no comparison.
Tempe is a pricey city. Lots of small houses going to astronomical prices. With, Tempe it is either run-down and outdated or it is going to be just a pricey version of Gilbert as you go further south.
The average price per square foot for wholesome Gilbert is actually lower then Phoenix with so many small, older, overpriced homes in rough neighborhoods.
I can't think of a better run medium-sized city in America then Gilbert myself. This is the only city over the few years on and off I have been in Arizona that I can say I came across really friendly, genuine and happy people.
It is wonderful how such a well-run city with so many whole amenities has such affordability as Gilbert.
Tempe is far more expensive per square foot then Gilbert and much of the decently priced housing in Tempe is poorly built from many years ago.
Last edited by lovecrowds; 11-09-2016 at 12:16 PM..
I totally feel your pain. Left everything I loved and followed my fiance to the valley for a good job for HIM. I found a job doing the same thing I did back home but it involves working nights and weekends. (it is all seniority based so I will be stuck with this schedule for a long time). I work until midnight and only see my fiance a couple hours each weekend when I am not sleeping or working. I am currently searching for a new career with normal working hours which hopefully will help with the loneliness but it is not promising.
My only suggestion is decide what is important to you. You only live once so you either have to move on or figure out a way to live with what you have been given.
Good luck.
There's no doubt this valley (and Arizona in general) are not for everybody. It's too bad you didn't get more recommendations from realtors, etc, on the vibe of the various towns (cities) in the valley.
Like others have said, Tempe and north central Phoenix would probably align with your values more than Gilbert. Also, Ahwatukee. However, they're more expensive and perhaps less child-friendly (not sure).
What saddens me about this metro area is people's feeling that this area is a "stepping stone" to something better- not the place they want to stay forever. I say this based on how frequently homes are "recycled" compared to other cities I've lived in. For example, CA's unique prop tax structure makes it worthwhile to keep a home in the family (so family members can retain their cheap property taxes.) Property taxes isn't Arizona's problem, however. (unlike CA) Homes in CA stay in families for decades to retain their cheap property taxes!!
What saddens me about this metro area is people's feeling that this area is a "stepping stone" to something better- not the place they want to stay forever.
The former is my girlfriend and the latter is me. I want to stay here. I picked Phoenix out as my goal (coming from Silicon Valley) before I even met her. So I'm thrilled and ecstatically happy here. I don't care about the summer. Yeah it's hot and it's uncomfortable for prolonged periods outside, but I'm not a big sweater so it's not a big deal to me. I love the sunshine. My girlfriend however can't stand it. She hates the hot summers, and she does sweat easily. She has gotten extremely unhappy and depressed and so we're going to have to move. I hate it. I don't want to leave. Having my dream job and working for an amazing company makes it even harder to swallow. San Diego, Monterey, Modesto, Sacramento, Portland, Seattle, I don't care, I don't want to live in any of those places (or back home either because it's unjustifiably expensive). I don't want to be in an old, crappy, hodunk place; I don't want to be in an old, congested, dense, expensive place; and I don't want to live in lots of rain or even the tiniest fraction of snow because it makes me miserable. I'm going to have to start a thread in the General US forum or its city-vs-city sub-forum to find out which places meet her needs, while being as cheap as here (not likely), without making me want to kill myself (not literally).
So definitely not a stepping stone for me. Not to something "better" anyway. Everywhere else is going to suck for me.
Location: Live:Downtown Phoenix, AZ/Work:Greater Los Angeles, CA
27,606 posts, read 14,678,071 times
Reputation: 9169
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovecrowds
I think Gilbert is an excellent city. One of the safest cities of it's size in the country, very clean, lots of big-box retail stores with lots of product selection and variety. Lots of strong homeowners associations ensuring the neighborhoods stay in tip-top shape.
The only city I have had really good times and met really good, interesting people have been in Gilbert. Even going shopping is nice in Gilbert with all the smiling people and customer service employees who don't have to deal with the unappealing traits of the more urban areas.
I think Gilbert is a near-perfect wholesome city but even better for families and retiree's.
I can't even imagine living in Phoenix proper. It is amazing how much friendlier Gilbert is then Phoenix. Phoenix is a high-poverty city, severe social breakdown in many areas and the homes are older and overpriced.
I don't understand the allure of Tempe except it is a huge employment base with higher education and insurance jobs. Downtown Gilbert is far nicer then Mill Avenue in Tempe.
I worked in Alhambra a couple of years ago during my first time living in Phoenix and why anyone would want to pay the same price per square foot to live in Phoenix with the negative influences and disorderly behavior when they can be around happy, content and friendly people in Gilbert is beyond me.
Compare the poverty rates, income levels, shopping amenities, education pound for pound in Gilbert over Phoenix and it is no comparison.
Tempe is a pricey city. Lots of small houses going to astronomical prices. With, Tempe it is either run-down and outdated or it is going to be just a pricey version of Gilbert as you go further south.
The average price per square foot for wholesome Gilbert is actually lower then Phoenix with so many small, older, overpriced homes in rough neighborhoods.
I can't think of a better run medium-sized city in America then Gilbert myself. This is the only city over the few years on and off I have been in Arizona that I can say I came across really friendly, genuine and happy people.
It is wonderful how such a well-run city with so many whole amenities has such affordability as Gilbert.
Tempe is far more expensive per square foot then Gilbert and much of the decently priced housing in Tempe is poorly built from many years ago.
First off, Gilbert is officially a town, not a city. And second, not all of Phoenix city is impoverished, otherwise people couldn't afford the higher prices that wouldn't exist if the area was impoverished. Gilbert is like the Provo of Arizona, and that is only a good thing if you are a mormon
We have quite a few friends (well my wife does, I am a curmudgeon). Thinking back on where we picked them up, it seems to have a common thread - our kids. We met them from school things. Parents of kids who stayed over, soccer mom stuff. Another thing is we live a master planned community where there are all kinds of community things going on like coffees, mom groups, mens and womens sports, and on and on. All of these activities are good places to strike up a conversation. If you do decide to move look for one of these kind of places. They have them in all parts of the city.
As for the the politics, yes, if you are even a moderate around here it can be a depressing existence if that matters. I know my development also has political groups who meet and I suspect that others do as well. So you could meet like minded people - even in Gilbert believe me - and take it from there. And while the train has left the station, you missed a great opportunity to find like minded people by volunteering for one of the candidates.
The former is my girlfriend and the latter is me. I want to stay here. I picked Phoenix out as my goal (coming from Silicon Valley) before I even met her. So I'm thrilled and ecstatically happy here. I don't care about the summer. Yeah it's hot and it's uncomfortable for prolonged periods outside, but I'm not a big sweater so it's not a big deal to me. I love the sunshine. My girlfriend however can't stand it. She hates the hot summers, and she does sweat easily. She has gotten extremely unhappy and depressed and so we're going to have to move. I hate it. I don't want to leave. Having my dream job and working for an amazing company makes it even harder to swallow. San Diego, Monterey, Modesto, Sacramento, Portland, Seattle, I don't care, I don't want to live in any of those places (or back home either because it's unjustifiably expensive). I don't want to be in an old, crappy, hodunk place; I don't want to be in an old, congested, dense, expensive place; and I don't want to live in lots of rain or even the tiniest fraction of snow because it makes me miserable. I'm going to have to start a thread in the General US forum or its city-vs-city sub-forum to find out which places meet her needs, while being as cheap as here (not likely), without making me want to kill myself (not literally).
So definitely not a stepping stone for me. Not to something "better" anyway. Everywhere else is going to suck for me.
Maybe dump the girlfriend?
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
