Depressed in Gilbert (Phoenix, Scottsdale, Chandler: apartment, rent, credit)

[dvxhd]

You didn't mention if you were happier in California or not, or if you felt like you were happier in retrospect (but in reality you really weren't). Anyway, that's something to consider before going any medical route.

I have a somewhat similar situation, but unfortunately mine is 10+ years in the making. When I lived in Asia I was very happy, but eventually there were things that were just catching up to me that made it not be as enjoyable—in my case specifically, culturally it was much harder to assimilate there than in US cities, anything regarding the LGBT community is swept under the rug and ignored, career options were somewhat limited, dining scene diversity wasn't on par with most major US cities, etc. Ever since I've been trying harder to get to a city that is more aligned with my needs, but I came back just as the recession was starting, ended up having to move to Oklahoma because of it, then came here as some sort of limbo (wasn't sure if it was going to be permanent or a stepping stone).

When I first moved here last year, I really enjoyed it. I had a rough transition, but even then still more or less enjoyed it. Toward the end of the year I started thinking more that I was going to leave, but wasn't entirely sure. By this past spring I started really hating it here, and it's mostly the people, but also it's because I feel I'd be limiting myself by staying in Arizona, that things take far too long to progress in Arizona, that better jobs (if they come at all) are years away from being a reality, that I have little faith in its long-term prosperity, and many other cons that are just making it not enjoyable to live here.

I came to this conclusion, but I did give a lot of things a try. I had a roommate at first, but have since moved out on my own and to a neighborhood that's about as close to perfect as I could find in Phoenix. When I moved here, it provided a little bump in my mood and perspective, but it was really just a band-aid on a spear wound. I think after the novelty wore off I just realized I need to focus more on leaving. I would suggest you try to sample a bit of a few things as I did and see if the experiences help, and even relocating to a part of town that suits you better.

[breakingbad]

Originally Posted by ElleTea

I am not religious, do not consider myself liberal or conservative (I ignore politics), and have never had any issues living here (or anywhere). Other people's religious or political views just don't affect me. I don't understand how it could be holding you down. I have never encountered anyone who tried to force their views and beliefs on me. Does this really happen? I suspect it is more just homesickness. It takes time to adjust to a new place without the friends of your previous location and without all that is familiar.

That being said, I am not a fan of the suburbs. This is a big valley, and I can speak from experience that one part of town does not fit all. In my 3 years here, I have lived in multiple parts of it, and I know some areas suit me better than others.

I suggest meetup.com. There you can find all kinds of groups, dozens that are likely to fit with your ideals and beliefs.

Probably the LDS are freaking her out. Just assumptions from my experience.

[SMG]

I moved into Gilbert in 2003 as a single guy into a neighborhood that was all families. I married a few years later. I have been here 13 years. I have never noticed the religious thing that people always speak of. I made friends her as a sinle person, we continue to make friends here. We dont go to any church, but I remain oblivious to this being a Mormon area I guess. I go about my biz, enjoy the restaurants and neighborhoods. I am aware this is a Mormon community, but only because people point it out here really.
This isnt much help probably. I love it here, pretty good place for us to live and enjoy ourselves.

[stevek64]

Originally Posted by Slater

As a general rule, Arizona overall (from my experience) is a fairly religious state. And don't forget guns. We like guns here

Not true. Actually, the Phoenix metro overall is consistently ranked as one of the least religious metros in the entire nation:

Most And Least Religious Cities In America (PHOTOS) | The Huffington Post

Bible-Minded Cities

The Most Bible-Minded Cities in America | American Bible Society

[Stacey27520]

Originally Posted by PhxBarb

Yes, of course there is a thing known as "relocation depression". It's a high stress situation where you are totally out of your element. You don't know where you are or if you should be there. Nothing is familiar. No one is helpful. No one seems to care about your troubles. There is no close friend to support you or listen to your sadness. It might be even worse if your family has adjusted ok, but you cannot.

The good news is this is temporary. Time will be the healer. Every day write down a new goal. When you get up, get out of bed and look at that goal and tell yourself you will complete it that day. One goal could be look for a meet up group. The next goal could be actually GO to the meet. The next goal might be to make a friend at that meet. And share your feelings with that person. Or go over to a neighbor's house and ask them for something. (advice, a cup of sugar, where the carwash is, etc). Remember, time is your friend. Maybe you can find a newcomer's club to join. Whatever it is, do it. You will feel better in time.

This is excellent advice. Having moved at least 20 times in my life, making friends takes time.

[mrsg1104]

Originally Posted by breakingbad

Probably the LDS are freaking her out. Just assumptions from my experience.

It's very different from california. Were an agnostic family so it's a huge change for us. I just want to find girl friends to go have a beer with is that possible in this town

[mrsg1104]

Originally Posted by dvxhd

You didn't mention if you were happier in California or not, or if you felt like you were happier in retrospect (but in reality you really weren't). Anyway, that's something to consider before going any medical route.

I have a somewhat similar situation, but unfortunately mine is 10+ years in the making. When I lived in Asia I was very happy, but eventually there were things that were just catching up to me that made it not be as enjoyable—in my case specifically, culturally it was much harder to assimilate there than in US cities, anything regarding the LGBT community is swept under the rug and ignored, career options were somewhat limited, dining scene diversity wasn't on par with most major US cities, etc. Ever since I've been trying harder to get to a city that is more aligned with my needs, but I came back just as the recession was starting, ended up having to move to Oklahoma because of it, then came here as some sort of limbo (wasn't sure if it was going to be permanent or a stepping stone).

When I first moved here last year, I really enjoyed it. I had a rough transition, but even then still more or less enjoyed it. Toward the end of the year I started thinking more that I was going to leave, but wasn't entirely sure. By this past spring I started really hating it here, and it's mostly the people, but also it's because I feel I'd be limiting myself by staying in Arizona, that things take far too long to progress in Arizona, that better jobs (if they come at all) are years away from being a reality, that I have little faith in its long-term prosperity, and many other cons that are just making it not enjoyable to live here.

I came to this conclusion, but I did give a lot of things a try. I had a roommate at first, but have since moved out on my own and to a neighborhood that's about as close to perfect as I could find in Phoenix. When I moved here, it provided a little bump in my mood and perspective, but it was really just a band-aid on a spear wound. I think after the novelty wore off I just realized I need to focus more on leaving. I would suggest you try to sample a bit of a few things as I did and see if the experiences help, and even relocating to a part of town that suits you better.

I was happy in california, my husband and I were born and raised there. We got priced out of the market and we wanted to have a better life for our kids. Actually afford to do things. I think we would be happier in another part of the valley. I didn't really know we just saw family friendly and safe town in gilbert. We bought here so we're stuck for a while. I agree with the progress here in arizona, it's almost like I stepped back in time. I hope you find the right place for you!

[mrsg1104]

[quote=PhoenixSomeday;46143294]My girlfriend is the same way. She feels cooped up at home all day watching the kids (3, 1 1/2). They are not easy and quiet like I was as a baby/toddler, they're infinite-energy little screamers that are 20-handfuls. It doesn't help for her that our closest family is 750 miles away. At least yours go to school! Since ours don't, she doesn't even have an opportunity to go get a job to get some time out and away (getting a job just to have all of it pay for this day and age's ridiculous day-care costs is a waste). It also doesn't help that she hates the heat, so she doesn't take them to the greenbelt or nearby parks (and doesn't even drive at all since we got to AZ almost three years ago, despite that she has her own car that she bought new in 2009). The friends thing is just a minor issue, as we're both introverted.


I totally get it, daycare costs are insane!! My husband works on call once a month for a week so I can't really work as his schedule is so crazy during that week. Not having support here truly sucks! Sounds like I would get along with your girlfriend haha

[SkyNSea55]

I wandered here randomly and have no connection with the area, other than some visits years ago. I experienced the same thing when we moved from NJ to East TN for employment. I felt I couldn't get out of bed for at least two years. Since I was working, I managed to get through it. But I must say, I always felt worse just upon waking. Once I got up, it felt better, so you should really force yourself to get up and move around. I too blamed the area. It wasn't the area. It was me. In my situation, it was time that made things better. My husband is a very easy adapter. I am not. It was hard on him to see me so upset for so long. Wish you the best and don't be too hard on yourself. And if you still are not loving the area after you have given it enough time, do as we eventually did, move.

[ahawes]

TennesseeFAN hit the nail on the head. It's not the area, it's you. Moving to a new place and away from a support network can definitely be hard but you've just got to respond to it appropriately. I've moved half a dozen times now and every time the place I wound up was either as good or as bad as I decided it was going to be. What you're feeling is the norm for a fair number of people, work through the feelings, get yourself up and moving. You'll see new, fun things and put yourself out there to meet some new people, which I think you would thrive with.

You can do this!