Depressed in Gilbert (Phoenix, Mesa, Scottsdale: best cities, transplants, 2015)

[DougStark]

Originally Posted by man4857

Then again, it just shows how great the state is and it's a reflection of it's policies, ideals, values, and culture. Otherwise, it wouldn't be as desirable and wouldn't drive up prices as insane as it is now.

I wouldn't take the leap and say its policies, ideals, and values are so wonderful. Result: huge housing shortages, negatively affecting commerce and business.

But there are several undisputed fundamental reasons for high prices: limited land suitable for building along with strong demand; heavy NIMBYs; strong local opposition to developments; and the ability of voter propositions to restrict growth/businesses.

[man4857]

Originally Posted by DougStark

I wouldn't take the leap and say its policies, ideals, and values are so wonderful. Result: huge housing shortages, negatively affecting commerce and business.

But there are several undisputed fundamental reasons for high prices: limited land suitable for building along with strong demand; heavy NIMBYs; strong local opposition to developments; and the ability of voter propositions to restrict growth/businesses.

I'd argue however, that demand is fueled quite a bit by what I stated. Yes limited land, zoning restrictions, and the likes has something to do with it, but the huge demand comes from somewhere and it's a reflection that a lot of people want to be in California for what it offers.

[belgirl]

A little surprised you are having a hard time fitting in, as it seems half of California has moved here making AZ much more liberal than it once was. The question is: where are you looking to make friends? Are you depressed because you don't know where to start? Or that the people you have met are too conservative?

[Minntoaz]

Originally Posted by PhxBarb

Yes, of course there is a thing known as "relocation depression". It's a high stress situation where you are totally out of your element. You don't know where you are or if you should be there. Nothing is familiar. No one is helpful. No one seems to care about your troubles. There is no close friend to support you or listen to your sadness. It might be even worse if your family has adjusted ok, but you cannot.

The good news is this is temporary. Time will be the healer. Every day write down a new goal. When you get up, get out of bed and look at that goal and tell yourself you will complete it that day. One goal could be look for a meet up group. The next goal could be actually GO to the meet. The next goal might be to make a friend at that meet. And share your feelings with that person. Or go over to a neighbor's house and ask them for something. (advice, a cup of sugar, where the carwash is, etc). Remember, time is your friend. Maybe you can find a newcomer's club to join. Whatever it is, do it. You will feel better in time.

I needed this today. Having recently moved to yet another new city I'm hitting that relocation depression phase. Having been through it for a solid six months when I had just moved to the Valley I'll be damned if I'm going to let this bring me down again. It's real, it's alive but it doesn't have to affect us. I know one thing that really pulled me down into the dumps was the constant comparison from "home". The truth is each place has its pros and cons. It requires an objective view not the blocking stage that nothing can possibly be better than home. Look at it as a phase, not permanent.

[ScottsdaleMark]

Originally Posted by Minntoaz

I needed this today. Having recently moved to yet another new city I'm hitting that relocation depression phase. Having been through it for a solid six months when I had just moved to the Valley I'll be damned if I'm going to let this bring me down again. It's real, it's alive but it doesn't have to affect us. I know one thing that really pulled me down into the dumps was the constant comparison from "home". The truth is each place has its pros and cons. It requires an objective view not the blocking stage that nothing can possibly be better than home. Look at it as a phase, not permanent.

So, where do you live now? And was this a move you had to make or one you chose to make? Just curious about your experience.

Every time in my life I relocated, I found it energizing in a lot of ways. New city, new sights to see, so many new things to learn, new culture, new opportunities, you name it. Some of the moves I was more excited about than others, to be honest, but the way I dealt with it was by really committing to each new place at that time regardless of how great a place it was, or wasn't. I just put the past 100% in the past and threw myself into the new place completely even if I hadn't been all that excited about it as a place at the start.

I have always tried to approach wherever I'm living now with the mindset that I might live there for the rest of my life. This is a limiting mindset, but for me, it limits the distractions or dissatisfactions because I feel focused and committed. I've lived in some places most people think are garbage dumps but I got through it because I felt mentally committed and connected to it. But that's just what works for my mind.

I have found that once I decided I was going to leave a place, I had less contentment and connection there, than I did when I was 100 percent committed to my life there. It made me feel out of place even though I was still living there. And, hey, even if a place really is terrible, at least you get some new life experiences out of it.

I know there are people who plan to life in a place for X more years, then move some place else, and it works just fine for them. That's awesome if they can have that kind of peace and perspective. Personally, I couldn't do that. I'd just spend too much time waiting for time to pass or wanting to just move already.

I hope you start to feel better soon, clearly you've been through this before so I am confident you will get through it.

[ibarrio]

Originally Posted by mrsg1104

Hi everyone. So a little background, my husband and I are a young mid 20 yr old couple from southern California. Just to get an idea we are pretty outdoorsy, skateboarding, snowboarding, dirtbiking, etc. so we figured az is a good place to be for that! My husband got a job offer in Phoenix this summer. We totally jumped on the opportunity after we saw the affordable homes. If you know socal it's so expensive especially for a young family of 4. I saw how safe and good schools were in Gilbert so we jumped on the idea and bought a home here. Probably should've done my research better. We are pretty liberal and we are not religious at all. Im totally okay with differences of views and religion but I feel i dont fit in to this town. Its been so hard to make friends and it's really starting to weigh on me. Most days i cant make it out of bed. I'm not sure if we made the right move and I'm having total regret. Has anyone had relocation depression? I really hope this feeling goes away.

put house for sale and move to Tempe, Phoenix, or Scottsdale.

[infocyde]

Originally Posted by Jukesgrrl

Ah, no. There is some diversity EVERYWHERE in this country. I've lived in five states and the District of Columbia and I have found kindred souls everywhere I've been. Some people are more chameleon-like than others and are happy to fit themselves in. My mother is like that. She even unconsciously mimics accents. I brought her to Arizona from Pennsylvania when she became too elderly to live alone and what did she do? Become a rabid fan of the University of Arizona basketball team. She knows a lot about all sports but she never focused on basketball ever in her 80+ years on earth. Now she's in my living room right now in her Cats pajama pants. She made me switch from DirecTV to Dish so she can get the Pac12 network. Seriously.

But that kind of submission is certainly not necessary. Some of us have beliefs, attitudes, and styles we don't wish to change. But with some effort, we can usually find some kindred spirits in every Oppositeville. In my moves I've found it takes at least a year of living somewhere before you really get a feel for the place and know what all your options are. The OP sounds like she is committed to being here so I'm sure she'll eventually find her place in the Metro. Having kids will help her.

I disagree. Trying to turn places into the place you left causes resentment to the people who live there already and is kind of disrespectful. I'm planning on moving to Sofia Bulgaria at one point for a few years and I intend to be very respectful and conscious of how the natives there view things and try not to offend. I will also open up to their ways of viewing the world and doing things so I can learn. At the same time in my own house I will do my own thing. There is a balance, and I kind see that perhaps that is kinda what you were implying in your post. But a hard no, I'm just going to try to make a little colony of where I left from, in a lot of places acting like that will not be in your best interest. You will actually lose out on opportunities.

Now Bulgaria is not quite Gilbert, but I think the general principle applies everywhere, or it should.

That said, I think people have given good advise to the op and I think she and her husband can have a great life here in AZ (even if they end up in Gilbert long term) with a few minor adjustments and I wish her and her family the best of luck.

[mrsg1104]

Originally Posted by belgirl

A little surprised you are having a hard time fitting in, as it seems half of California has moved here making AZ much more liberal than it once was. The question is: where are you looking to make friends? Are you depressed because you don't know where to start? Or that the people you have met are too conservative?

Yeah I think it is the fact that I don't know where to even start. My kids are in school now and I feel making friends without mom groups has been a challenge. I think this election really scared the crap out of me and made me second guess moving to Gilbert. I am first generation American on my mother's side so this election was pretty personal to me. I never really cared about politics until I moved here and everywhere I looked was a trump sign/sticker and a trump rally in downtown Gilbert. People can have different opinions then mine, but it seemed to me this town is really one sided here. My first week moving here, some guy bagging my stuff asked me why I moved here from California and how people are so racist here. I think it really just freaked me out! I hope I can find like minded people!!

[mrsg1104]

Originally Posted by infocyde

That said, I think people have given good advise to the op and I think she and her husband can have a great life here in AZ (even if they end up in Gilbert long term) with a few minor adjustments and I wish her and her family the best of luck.

Thank you!!

[mrsg1104]

Originally Posted by ibarrio

put house for sale and move to Tempe, Phoenix, or Scottsdale.

ahh i wish! maybe in a year or so when we can build a little bit of equity