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One factor that hasn't been mentioned much is the bigger average size of houses in the US compared to previous decades. When the house itself is larger (as opposed to an apartment or a shotgun shack), then a lot of younger people's objections to "living at home" dissolve; it may provide for much more space and privacy than the type of housing they'd be able to afford on their own salaries.
As for why some parents actually allow this, one factor I've heard is simple loneliness. Especially in modern times, a lot of adults are fairly isolated, have few close friends, and are basically living alone in those large houses, and if they can keep the core family unit together for a while longer, many adults with grown kids actually embrace the idea. I'm not saying that's "good" or "bad" in terms of its social effects, but in a lot of cases, I don't think it's the kids who are foisting themselves back upon their folks over parental objections. The arrow of causality points in both directions.
Also, it's not the job of younger men to live their lives in ways that are attractive to women. That used to be the case when there was a very defined progression from adulthood to marriage to fatherhood, but by nature, I don't think men care as much about "family formation" as women do. When given a choice and given the social tools to do so, quite a few men will happily go through life without raising kids or getting married. This was much harder in the past due to simple social norms. But, with those eroded, men have more freedom to reject such things - and many are running with it.
Many of these guys can still find sex partners on a short-term or casual basis, anyway. Since they aren't seeking out longer-term relationships, they don't feel a need to "strive" too hard for money or "success" as many women would define "success" for a man. By their own reckoning, they are doing okay.
I suspect that this social shift is actually highly offensive to some people, because it reverses a lot of social norms that have been in place at least since the rise of the modern economy (and much longer, for marriage/fatherhood).
But it's also a fascinating social experiment in some ways. When young men feel that they can now "replace" long-term relationships with women with some combination of porn/hook-ups/etc., will they work as hard as they once did? Probably not. Men by themselves are not very big consumers compared to women, and by largely cutting women out of the loop, their self-sufficiency threshold plummets, even if they are living on their own.
Hence, we see women competing in an increasingly ferocious way over the remaining pool of "eligible" men.
But again, that's not a problem for young men to solve. For them, it's not a problem at all. At least, it's not their problem.
The problem is successful women who think they deserve as good or better then themselves. They pass up hundreds of guys looking for someone who is up to their ridiculously high standards. Unfortunately, unlike men, many women dont want to be providers. They want the jobs that men once had, but refuse to accept a SAHD, a man who makes less, a man who doesn't drive X type of car. All those hundreds of years men chose women who really brought nothing to the table besides the ability to cook, clean and bare children and women refuse to accept a different scenario when the roles are flipped.
I have a well paying job and my boyfriend stays home with our daughter and works part-time. I was married to a leech who did not work and I financially supported him.. Until I got sick and tired of being the only one with drive and ambition in the marriage. I dumped him and he went to live with his mom. He was 33 at the time.
You are damn right I wasnt going to stay married to a man who wanted a free ride. He said he wanted to be a stay home dad to the dog. (We had no kids). That was it for me.
I have no problem with my bf staying home with the kid... Because he actually contributes something to the relationship and our 13 month old.
In the past I've had bfs who said they loved my drive and ambition and use that against me at some point. I felt used and I won't tolerate that again. Men shouldn't tolerate women leeches either.
i hate to say this but i agree.. A lot of guys have a lot going for them, car, job, living on their own, have a ton of activities.. but because they dont have a nice enough car, powerful enough job, big enough apartment or house.. They are overlooked.
Really? Why do you think they're overlooked? Actually, what I've seen usually works the other way around--my husband has a number of single guys working for him, and it always seems to be the same story--you have a nice enough guy with a decent job, but he's shy or average looking (or even unattractive). Instead of wanting a nice girl who's also shy and average looking, he wants a vivacious beauty queen. Then he complains that women don't want anything to do with him. If the women you ask out won't date you because you don't have a nice enough car, powerful enough job, or a big enough house, then you're trying to approach women who are out of your league in looks, education, etc. Either that, or you have a something wrong with your personality, and you're looking for every possible excuse to blame it on something else. Trying kicking your expectations down a notch and find someone more on your level.
I think some men can be very unrealistic about themselves, and what they have to offer. This isn't a new thing--it's been the way the game has been played since the beginning of time.
Your dad probably didn't HAVE video games available to him so naturally he would not play them. Today's game are very realistic meaning if you've always wanted to fight a war but wont do the military service, you can be right in the heat of the action on the battlefield for only $60 and not have to worry about getting your head blown off. Myself I work 8-430pm. I have no kids or nothing so I don't think there is anything wrong with spending an hour or two on my 360.
Guys didn't have video games back then, but they did have other distractions, etc.
I think some men can be very unrealistic about themselves, and what they have to offer. This isn't a new thing--it's been the way the game has been played since the beginning of time.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stan4
Guys didn't have video games back then, but they did have other distractions, etc.
My point is I don't know why video games and their players are so demonized by women. If video games didn't exist we'd find other ways to kill time like sitting on the porch and drinking, slap boxing, etc.
I can see why this writer has a problem meeting good men... being over 60 doesn't help either maybe one day she'll meet her prince charming and stop writing whiny drivel on the internet but I doubt it.
she's fat and old and unwanted and taking out her anger on people she doesn't know. i read a few of her articles and she's basically a troll (both literally and figuratively)
Here's my observation as a self sufficient, honest, eligible bachelor... I've worked since I was 16. Saved a lot of money ever since. Jobs never paid terribly much, but progressively more as I've gained experience. I work in "the trades" as they call them. I look at it as honest paying work. You don't get rich, but you make enough to eat and put away a small chunk for retirement. That's the deal. The income earned could comfortably support a family, but not afford a life of luxury.
The problem I have... Women look down on honest guys like me who do honest work. In order for me to clear 65K or so, I have to work a good bit of overtime. This leaves me tired, and completely unmotivated to look for a decent life partner. And working those kinds of hours, it's difficult to blow money frivolously. The women I meet tend to expect a guy to earn that kind of money like it's easy, and expect them to put it on display in the way of cloths and the nice car. I work too hard for my money to let it go so easily. I feel that the expectations of the women I meet are simply too high. The average income for a single earner in this country is right around 26K. That doesn't even afford the car I drive now if I was buying the latest model brand new. Young women just don't get it. I think they need a good dose of reality before they start complaining about the "poor pool of eligible bachelors"...
Sometimes, women need to understand that compromises must be made in life. Not everyone gets everything they want from life. If your lucky, you learn to be happy with what you have. I certainly am. Unfortunately, I have a hard time finding a good women who can be happy with me, because what they are seeking is material worth. This is so defiant of this country's fundamental roots. People used to be happy with providing a good home for their children, raising them right and making their own way in life. Today, that is simply not good enough. So, I wish the majority that I meet good luck in their wild goose chases.
At the same time, it does baffle me when I see decent women hosting a leech of a life partner. I'm talking about the guy who thinks he's too good to do an honest days work, but not qualified to do the work he thinks he is worth. Why oh why do they keep the sleaze bags on their payroll??? That one is a total mystery to me. If they want to blame anyone for the poor quality of men available, they have no one to blame but themselves. They practically encourage such behavior.
i read it very good article. the kidult dilemma. the parents do it to them but kids are free to break away and grow up.
its a kidult's right to be free from paternalism. im a boomer. our parents cut us loose at 18. how sad this current generation sees that tradition as not part of parenting. pal parenting is not working.
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If the women you ask out won't date you because you don't have a nice enough car, powerful enough job, or a big enough house, then you're trying to approach women who are out of your league in looks, education, etc. Either that, or you have a something wrong with your personality, and you're looking for every possible excuse to blame it on something else. Trying kicking your expectations down a notch and find someone more on your level.
