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Ive seen a few fathers that have full time custody and the mother pays child support, that is not too rare these days.
Ive never understood why they throw people in jail, after so long of not making payments...Isnt that the LAST place where they are going to earn any money?! If I had custody and they threw my spouse in jail for non-payment, I would be pretty upset, Id tell them to instead, put the spouse to work!
All cities and counties have maintenance people, some mow grass, some clean public bathrooms, etc, why not force them to work these jobs (with pay of course), if they are not making payments on their own?
Ive seen a few fathers that have full time custody and the mother pays child support, that is not too rare these days.
Ive never understood why they throw people in jail, after so long of not making payments...Isnt that the LAST place where they are going to earn any money?! If I had custody and they threw my spouse in jail for non-payment, I would be pretty upset, Id tell them to instead, put the spouse to work!
All cities and counties have maintenance people, some mow grass, some clean public bathrooms, etc, why not force them to work these jobs (with pay of course), if they are not making payments on their own?
Exactly. Help the non custodial find work and assess CS on what they are actually earning. Instead they jail them and take their divers license.
I realize there are all sorts of situations. Some fathers just avoid CS and never pay, some are not able to pay the amount, some moms need help, some game the system. Then there are those who act like adults, pay their CS or provide for the kids, share parenting, etc.
The system is too one size fits all. The workers are IMO from what I have experienced bitter and robotic.
I recently applied for CS as I got custody of my grandson after 5 years of basically abandonment. Mom was custodial and left the kids with me and dad to be with her "soul mate" again. Dad stayed for a couple years then left. The entire time he was paying CS (to keep her from coming after the kids into a very bad environment). He finally stopped and was being taken to court. So finally I sued for custody in order to stop his CS payments. They would not listen that she did not have physical custody and he was paying for a 21 year old the just repeated the mantra "we have to have an order to stop an order". I had to sue them both for CS. The CS worker asked if I wanted to pursue arrears from dad for the past 2 years.
Think about that a minute.
Four and 1/2 years he was paying her when she did not have physical custody and provided no support. Three years he was with the kids, still paying. She asked if I wanted to go after him for those two years. Two years he had been paying her. So basically double child support.
Daycare ends when the kids go to Kindergarten. And even then, even when there is no more daycare, there is still no requirement for Mom to financially support her kids. Not even to the tune of $1/wk.
Really??
How are we Moms not required to support the kid in cases where we are doing MOST of the supporting?
I paid the rent, I bought her food, I paid for her school supplies. I was REQUIRED to provide the bulk of the support because I made more money. He was REQUIRED to pay his measly few bucks a month, but that didn't stop him from whining and coming up with every stupid excuse on the planet not to support his kid.
Whenever I asked him to step up and pay what he was supposed to pay, he'd say, "I pay for her cell phone!"
Did she live in or eat a cell phone? No, she did not.
When she got to be 13 and needed braces that cost $4000 and my insurance would only cover $2000, I called him and told him he had to pay his $1000 share for this one. He had resigned himself to the fact that he was going to have to work for a living and was making $60K PLUS a free apartment as a building super by then. Whined and cried over having to contribute to his daughter's orthodontist bill, but he did. Paid me $100 a month for ten months. No other child support during that time, of course.
He didn't want to give ME the money was what it boiled down to, and the base of this anger was that I wasn't supporting HIS lazy ass or his bad habits anymore.
Don't give me this sad lame song and dance about how all these poor fathers are put upon having to support their children. I know just as many in situations similar to mine, mothers who received little or nothing in child support, and the guys just got away with it.
If one parent is required to make X amount of money to financially support children why isnt the other parent also required to make the same X amount (%age of actual income) and be required to remain employed to earn that X amount.
How are we Moms not required to support the kid in cases where we are doing MOST of the supporting?
I paid the rent, I bought her food, I paid for her school supplies. I was REQUIRED to provide the bulk of the support because I made more money. He was REQUIRED to pay his measly few bucks a month, but that didn't stop him from whining and coming up with every stupid excuse on the planet not to support his kid.
Whenever I asked him to step up and pay what he was supposed to pay, he'd say, "I pay for her cell phone!"
Did she live in or eat a cell phone? No, she did not.
When she got to be 13 and needed braces that cost $4000 and my insurance would only cover $2000, I called him and told him he had to pay his $1000 share for this one. He had resigned himself to the fact that he was going to have to work for a living and was making $60K PLUS a free apartment as a building super by then. Whined and cried over having to contribute to his daughter's orthodontist bill, but he did. Paid me $100 a month for ten months. No other child support during that time, of course.
He didn't want to give ME the money was what it boiled down to, and the base of this anger was that I wasn't supporting HIS lazy ass or his bad habits anymore.
Don't give me this sad lame song and dance about how all these poor fathers are put upon having to support their children. I know just as many in situations similar to mine, mothers who received little or nothing in child support, and the guys just got away with it.
Yes it goes both ways.
It sounds like you did not have a support order.
I have a friend whose cheating wife got 0 alimony (It still matters in his state). he pays more than the court order tho the extra is a direct check from him to his ex wife's landlord. He subsidizes the rent a few hundred a month to get his daughter into a better town with a school system. He and his ex do not get along on much except they both adore their daughter and at least appear to play zero games where she is concerned. He even takes his daughter on out of state vacations with no problems. His ex is fully on board with him getting all required visitation plus any additional time is likely just a text request away. I will give him and his ex credit there.
Yes it goes both ways.
It sounds like you did not have a support order.
Well, he was unemployed when the divorce occurred, so the "support order" was to give me $50 a week. I told my lawyer not to bother because I knew he'd never pay anyway, but he said child support was required by the state no matter what.
He eventually picked himself up and pulled himself together enough to be employed. I would ask for the money--still at $50 a week unless I took him back to court--and he would complain and whine and finally throw me maybe $100 cash here and there with a stern warning that I'd "better be writing down" what he gave me.
Just getting rid of HIM was a financial improvement, of course. However, he started to have a nice relationship with our daughter, acting like a father, taking her places and showing up for school concerts and other things he wouldn't do when we were married, and I knew that if I took him back to court to try to get the rightful support, he'd be enraged and things would get ugly and that might endanger my daughter having a father to see regularly and spend time, so I didn't bother.
Around the time she hit 12 or so, she stopped wanting to go to the petting zoo and the other things he took her to at first, and she wanted to go to the mall. And she would come home with new boots, or new clothes, or something else she'd talked him into, and I thought, "well, OK, this works".
When she was 16 I was in a position where I really needed him to step up and pay. He had a decent job and could afford it. I went to my lawyer and had a letter sent, and he got a lawyer who made a counter-offer, and in the end, it worked out so that I got a child support increase for the last two years from 16 - 18 that amounted to just about what the lawyer cost me.
I have a friend whose cheating wife got 0 alimony (It still matters in his state). he pays more than the court order tho the extra is a direct check from him to his ex wife's landlord. He subsidizes the rent a few hundred a month to get his daughter into a better town with a school system. He and his ex do not get along on much except they both adore their daughter and at least appear to play zero games where she is concerned. He even takes his daughter on out of state vacations with no problems. His ex is fully on board with him getting all required visitation plus any additional time is likely just a text request away. I will give him and his ex credit there.
Yes. Im sure it varies by judicial districts as well, individual judges, how much money one has and how well parties can get along.
Daycare ends when the kids go to Kindergarten. And even then, even when there is no more daycare, there is still no requirement for Mom to financially support her kids. Not even to the tune of $1/wk.
Daycare ends, but childcare costs and responsibilities do not. There is before- and aftercare, summer childcare, not to mention school holidays, half-days, and sick days. Especially if the custodial parent is jut returning to the workforce, it can be very tough to find an employer who is understanding (or at least tolerant) of the attendance issues that crop up when trying to hold down a job and take care of children who are too young to look after themselves, let alone as a single parent. I am a working mom, and there is no way I'd be able to work full-time like I do now if I didn't have:
1. A spouse who splits childcare responsibilities
2. A workplace that is family-friendly
3. A good enough salary to cover cover childcare expenses (which are now "only" about $10k per year for 2 school-age children)
Well, he was unemployed when the divorce occurred, so the "support order" was to give me $50 a week. I told my lawyer not to bother because I knew he'd never pay anyway, but he said child support was required by the state no matter what.
He eventually picked himself up and pulled himself together enough to be employed. I would ask for the money--still at $50 a week unless I took him back to court--and he would complain and whine and finally throw me maybe $100 cash here and there with a stern warning that I'd "better be writing down" what he gave me.
Just getting rid of HIM was a financial improvement, of course. However, he started to have a nice relationship with our daughter, acting like a father, taking her places and showing up for school concerts and other things he wouldn't do when we were married, and I knew that if I took him back to court to try to get the rightful support, he'd be enraged and things would get ugly and that might endanger my daughter having a father to see regularly and spend time, so I didn't bother.
Around the time she hit 12 or so, she stopped wanting to go to the petting zoo and the other things he took her to at first, and she wanted to go to the mall. And she would come home with new boots, or new clothes, or something else she'd talked him into, and I thought, "well, OK, this works".
When she was 16 I was in a position where I really needed him to step up and pay. He had a decent job and could afford it. I went to my lawyer and had a letter sent, and he got a lawyer who made a counter-offer, and in the end, it worked out so that I got a child support increase for the last two years from 16 - 18 that amounted to just about what the lawyer cost me.
Sounds about how it works. Crazy isnt it.
The craziness goes both ways, custodial and non custodial. I dont know why parents cant just do what is best for their children but many will not.
I'm out 2500+ for legal custody of a 17 year old I've supported and cared for for the past nearly 5 years. I know I will never see a dime of support money, I dont care but I have had to file to keep my son from having to continue to pay his ex for kids she hasn't had physical custody of. And if I can make her life 1/100000000th of the crap she has put everyone else through the past 16 years it will be worth it.
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