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The idea that all are created equal is deceptive. Some are born to a wealthy family where they are guaranteed to good education and given every advantage. Some are born with the lack of skills or mental aptitude to do anything more than menial tasks. Today we have a majority of people working a full time job plus another or part time jobs just to make end meet. At the same time the companies/corporations are reporting record profits gifting million dollar bonuses to those at the top and denying those at the bottom. Workers benefits disappeared with the war on unions leaving them without medical insurance and little or no retirement pensions. They are the working poor and many are homeless. Children go hungry all over America. If it were not for churches and other charitable organizations many of them would be starving. For the working class shopping at Wmart is a luxury with the Salvation Army and Goodwill stores being the stores they can afford to shop.
The wealthy create companies like Payday Loan or Title Loan that exploits the poor. They claim they provide a service to the poor but they fail to mention that in one year it is possible for the borrower to pay 1000% interest. They exploit the least of society swindling their last nickel.
Many of our seniors spend each day deciding on medicine or food. Many are homeless. Even though they have Medicare many cannot afford the copays.
We don't see this on our tv's. Our corporate run news media paints a lovely picture of prosperity for all when it's really the only the top who are enjoying the good life. The majority are born into debt and will die in debt. Slavery is alive an well with debt replacing the whip. This is the real American in 2018.
If you can, help others; if you cannot do that, at least do not harm them. Dalai Lama
I don't think one could make a conclusion on your nieces. One seems to be getting more "real world" sorts of experiences and the other may be just doing what society expects of her. I wonder which is the happiest - the tattooed college drop out or the vegetarian runner...
It is hard to say.
It is also interesting that often people think of "success" as only being associated with titles or money. Many people don't value money as much as other people. I think it will be interesting to see where your 20 something nieces will be in 10-15 years.
I'll note, I had a cousin (she passed away in 2012) who was similar to your "successful" niece (from a 2 parent background, she was raised in church, middle class, private schools, college scholarship, etc.) She had a nervous breakdown in her early 30s and started doing drugs, first weed and fast forward she was a crackhead by 35. She had been married, had a successful career and made good money and ended up losing all of those and living homeless on the street and many in the family believe she was a prostitute for a time. She ended up getting clean but then found out she had hepatitis C and she ended up dying of that condition in 2012.
I remember her mother telling me when I was speaking of one of my other young family members trajectory (them being on what one would consider a positive track) saying that I don't know what that young family member would do. Her daughter had everything but became a crackhead. She admitted before she died (my cousin) that the pressure to do well, be perfect and successful is the reason why she had a breakdown over stress and started using drugs. She regretted trying crack, similar to how these young people today think they'll dry an opioid once and it will be no big deal. She got trapped on that drug and was addicted for 20 years before getting clean. She died less than 5 years after getting clean.
Interesting comments. Obviously success and money in and of themselves do not equal happiness.
In this particular case, though, the one who is pierced/tattooed/druggie/dropout...she has a history of "failure", more or less. She is 22 and is already divorced (married 6 months). She can't keep a boyfriend, best friend, roommate. Now she is coming out of the closet (not judging...mentioning that as maybe that is part of her problem). She also has a pattern of not being able to handle any kind of expectations. It's almost as if she is making herself this way as an excuse for her life. I think she really NEEDS counseling. It's kind of hard to explain it all in a paragraph or two.
The other niece--she is very self-motivated and success orientated. She will have to find her equilibrium, as those types of people do.
Your comment about 10-15 years....I think that is a huge point. The college dropout/tattooed druggie....if she ever wants a different kind of life, it will be much harder. It would be harder for her to go back to school, for example, especially since now her parents won't pay for it. It's hard to undo 30 tattoos. Certain choices she has made, are not easily undone.
Similarly, with the other niece. Assuming she graduates, she will always have that degree to fall back on. She isn't junking up her body or brain with cigarettes and hard drugs. She has already made smarter decisions that can set up the rest of her life.
Again, to state the obvious, no one has a crystal ball, but there is a reason why patterns of success look like they do.
Last edited by calgirlinnc; 09-11-2018 at 07:05 PM..
Many people fall somewhere in between, they may not be able to graduate college for various reasons, but they are not pierced up addicts, drunks or irresponsible. These people would be working in a non-sweatshop factory, office support job or any number of blue collar professions when those jobs paid enough to provide an acceptable living, and were filled by Americans.
Unfortunately in a deeply divided country with great inequality, a lot of the haves feel emboldened to trash the have nots with impunity. Anyone who insists those who cannot make a great living are all irresponsible, lazy or immoral, is not a very deep or complex thinker.
Re: your last paragraph...no one in this thread is doing that.
But let's be real. A beautiful girl from a middle class family who deliberately throws away every single opportunity given to her, every advantage given to her...frankly, it's very upsetting.
This country has a history of people who came here with literally nothing. No language skills, no education, no job--just a work ethic and determination. They left behind their families and their countries and everything they knew. And millions of those people made a better life for themselves and their children. My own grandparents are among those.
So no I don't have much understanding for someone who is too lazy to work, who is not ambitious, who is 22 years old and able bodied and has no job and no plans and just lives for hanging out with her friends. It is pathetic.
That doesn't mean that *everyone* on assistance or just scrimping by is lazy or whatever, and no one said they were. I am discussing one particular situation. If you can't distinguish that, maybe YOU are not a very deep thinker.
"The numbers: The number of job openings in the U.S. climbed to a record 6.94 million in July in a clear sign that a booming economy is entering the second half of the year with a big dollop of momentum.
The share of people who left jobs on their own, known as the quits rate, rose a notch to a 2.7% among private-sector employees. The record is 2.9%, set in 2001.
The quits rate was 2.4% among all workers — also near a record high. The government began keeping track in 2000.
Workers who switch jobs usually get better pay than those who remain in their old ones. And more people switch when they are confident about the economy."
"The future, at least, may be brighter for the middle class. Incomes rose more strongly between 2014 and 2016 as the economic recovery picked up, though it tilted towards the better off, Kochhar said. Median income is expected to continue trending upwards, especially as more people get jobs.
The Census Bureau will report median household income for 2017 for the nation overall on Wednesday. It rose to just over $59,000 in 2016, up 3.2% from a year earlier."
However, most of the article is negative regarding wages and the middle class.
You say the system is successful. The question is "For who?"
The system is successful for anyone that has the motivation to get out there and get some. If your only motivation in life is to be the french fry cook ay McDonalds then you have to accept the rewards that go along with such a low skill job.
The system is successful for anyone that has the motivation to get out there and get some. If your only motivation in life is to be the french fry cook ay McDonalds then you have to accept the rewards that go along with such a low skill job.
The system is successful for anyone that has the motivation to get out there and get some. If your only motivation in life is to be the french fry cook ay McDonalds then you have to accept the rewards that go along with such a low skill job.
If it was just motivation do not you think we would see more people doing better? How many people do you think really want to work these hard low wage jobs probably not a lot but many times that is the all they can do with the opportunity they have? No one should have to accept wages they can not live on that is the kind of mindset companies in third world countries have that people are not even worth paying enough that the person can have basics like food and shelter. Someone has to do these jobs not everyone can work higher paying jobs.
Interesting comments. Obviously success and money in and of themselves do not equal happiness.
In this particular case, though, the one who is pierced/tattooed/druggie/dropout...she has a history of "failure", more or less. She is 22 and is already divorced (married 6 months). She can't keep a boyfriend, best friend, roommate. Now she is coming out of the closet (not judging...mentioning that as maybe that is part of her problem). She also has a pattern of not being able to handle any kind of expectations. It's almost as if she is making herself this way as an excuse for her life. I think she really NEEDS counseling. It's kind of hard to explain it all in a paragraph or two.
The other niece--she is very self-motivated and success orientated. She will have to find her equilibrium, as those types of people do.
Your comment about 10-15 years....I think that is a huge point. The college dropout/tattooed druggie....if she ever wants a different kind of life, it will be much harder. It would be harder for her to go back to school, for example, especially since now her parents won't pay for it. It's hard to undo 30 tattoos. Certain choices she has made, are not easily undone.
Similarly, with the other niece. Assuming she graduates, she will always have that degree to fall back on. She isn't junking up her body or brain with cigarettes and hard drugs. She has already made smarter decisions that can set up the rest of her life.
Again, to state the obvious, no one has a crystal ball, but there is a reason why patterns of success look like they do.
I agree in general with you, but my conversation with my aunt, the mother of my cousin taught me that one shoulnd't judge an individual's life trajectory by what they doing in their 20s. My cousins degree did nothing for her when she was homeless on the street getting high. It really isn't anything to "fall back on" when you fall too far off the track.
The 20s is the time to make mistakes and set backs in life as it is easier to rebound versus when you are older IMO. Most of the more "successful" people I know, including myself and my mom and many of the young people I've mentored or counseled over the years, had it way worse than your tattooed niece, yet we are doing very well today. Often those who have an outward appearance of success are struggling on the inside and are living the expectations of society or other people and often they are not happy nor do they feel "successful."
The fact that you stated the bold, is a reason why I'd put some money on your tattooed niece that she will do well in life. You cannot truly experience "success" IMO without truly experiencing failure.
Ironically a mentor of mine (who everyone who knows her considers her an ultimate success) actually was homeless and a teen mom at 15 years of age. In her 30s she got serious about changing her life and had had some issues in the past with law enforcement as well and lots of traumatic sorts of events and she was a pretty hard drug addict in her 20s. You'd never know that to see her now and so I never judge young people today based on where they are in their 20s. People grow and mature so much. Even my own mom - she had 2 kids before she was 18 and my grandmother was VERY upset at her negative trajectory in life, yet before she passed away, grandma admitted that my mom was her most successful and capable child. Her other children followed the straight/narrow path, but my mom took her failures and turned her life around - started her own business, finished school, and she didn't have any sort of extreme assistance from her parents at all and is self made.
I think because most of the people I've known who seemed to have it all in their 20s, they usually don't turn out all that happy in life. I try to stress to my own kids and the people I mentor that resilience and determination and knowing how to deal with the lumps of life is the most important aspect of "success." Everything doesn't always go as planned and those who have experience with not having a plan or having to veer off plan and succeed in getting back on - to me they are the most "successful."
Will note on the tattoos not to worry that they'll give your niece any sort of issues with job prospects. All young people today and even 30 somethings today have a bunch of tattoos and it's not a big deal for them like it was in the past in the workplace (unless they have face or neck tattoos). One of my relatives, I remember our older folks talking about all his tattoos - he has over 30 and he is now a successful tattoo artist and has his own business and is doing very well. His tattoos come in handy in his field of work lol.
I agree in general with you, but my conversation with my aunt, the mother of my cousin taught me that one shoulnd't judge an individual's life trajectory by what they doing in their 20s. My cousins degree did nothing for her when she was homeless on the street getting high. It really isn't anything to "fall back on" when you fall too far off the track.
The 20s is the time to make mistakes and set backs in life as it is easier to rebound versus when you are older IMO. Most of the more "successful" people I know, including myself and my mom and many of the young people I've mentored or counseled over the years, had it way worse than your tattooed niece, yet we are doing very well today. Often those who have an outward appearance of success are struggling on the inside and are living the expectations of society or other people and often they are not happy nor do they feel "successful."
The fact that you stated the bold, is a reason why I'd put some money on your tattooed niece that she will do well in life. You cannot truly experience "success" IMO without truly experiencing failure.
Ironically a mentor of mine (who everyone who knows her considers her an ultimate success) actually was homeless and a teen mom at 15 years of age. In her 30s she got serious about changing her life and had had some issues in the past with law enforcement as well and lots of traumatic sorts of events and she was a pretty hard drug addict in her 20s. You'd never know that to see her now and so I never judge young people today based on where they are in their 20s. People grow and mature so much. Even my own mom - she had 2 kids before she was 18 and my grandmother was VERY upset at her negative trajectory in life, yet before she passed away, grandma admitted that my mom was her most successful and capable child. Her other children followed the straight/narrow path, but my mom took her failures and turned her life around - started her own business, finished school, and she didn't have any sort of extreme assistance from her parents at all and is self made.
I think because most of the people I've known who seemed to have it all in their 20s, they usually don't turn out all that happy in life. I try to stress to my own kids and the people I mentor that resilience and determination and knowing how to deal with the lumps of life is the most important aspect of "success." Everything doesn't always go as planned and those who have experience with not having a plan or having to veer off plan and succeed in getting back on - to me they are the most "successful."
Will note on the tattoos not to worry that they'll give your niece any sort of issues with job prospects. All young people today and even 30 somethings today have a bunch of tattoos and it's not a big deal for them like it was in the past in the workplace (unless they have face or neck tattoos). One of my relatives, I remember our older folks talking about all his tattoos - he has over 30 and he is now a successful tattoo artist and has his own business and is doing very well. His tattoos come in handy in his field of work lol.
I will hope you are right. It's been really hard for the whole family. I think your comments will be helpful to share in a general sort of way. I appreciate the encouragement and you've given me something to think about.
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