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Unfortunately in recent times being polite and civil is considered a weakness and makes one a target. This country is becoming a very unpleasant place to live and in addition being an election year some especially ugly behavior as a result.
Don't allow people's nastiness to change who YOU are. That is what they want, you to become miserable and negative like them.
A kind person becomes a target because others are consumed with hate. They hate seeing joy and kindness in others and want to take it away just like it was taken from them.
The best thing to do for yourself and for the rest of humankind is to continue being a good person. The same way negative people can change good people into negative people, good people can change negative people to good.
Lead by example BUT learn to protect yourself better from negative attacks. Just because you are a kind person doesn't mean you have to to be a push over.
your half right , you should not allow nasty people to suck the decency and kindness out of you
unfortunatley , you have to fight fire with fire , when you encounter an ogre , you must become unpleasant and nasty in order to have any chance of defeating them , as such , even you win , you loose as they have changed you
your best option with people like this is to simply walk away
if you have to work with a bully, you can't walk away. And it is a problem all over the world. they've had suicides here over bullying. There just is no help for victims and saying that if you act like a victim, you will be treated as one is excusing the bullies. How about the bullies stop bullying? It's not the victims who have to change their behavior!
if you have to work with a bully, you can't walk away. And it is a problem all over the world. they've had suicides here over bullying. There just is no help for victims and saying that if you act like a victim, you will be treated as one is excusing the bullies. How about the bullies stop bullying? It's not the victims who have to change their behavior!
thier is a particulary insidious mindset which appears to be growing when it comes to the bully - victim dynamic , all responsibility seems to rest with the victim , its up to them to get over it , most employers are either impotent or indifferent when it comes to bullying in the workplace , they are good for paying lip service to abstract ideas of opposing bullying but empty platitudes is about the most you can expect from them , i once had a boss who turned on me when i accused him of employing a bully , he accused me of having appeared to be a nice person but that i was now sinister , not a bad word had he for the bully in his ranks , i couldnt figure out how to deal with that kind of self delusion
Irish Bob! Aint that the truth, if you are bullied at work, it is your own problem. Supervisors could care less. And if the supervisor is the bully, forget it.
I do think that it is important to document things, and also to keep your own mental health and perspective healthy. It is difficult to feel good and centered when being constantly being bullied at work. I took a week off, when I was bullied, and was just absolutely mentally, emotionally, and physically wiped out. Shell shocked, from dealing with the petty meanness, constantly. It takes a major toll on me. Mayb e it would not have affected someone tougher. I just could not take it.
My "out"? I was taking all kinds of medication for depression, I could hardly get out of bed for work, it was so awful. I applied for a new job every day, to get out, it was my only hope, of getting out. Took two years...I got out.
my father told me i was useless while i was growing up , he was not a loving father , i stayed strong but was unable to withstand a second toxic person in my life , i had no one to turn to when a viscious campaign of bullying and smear was launced against me , i look back now and see that i did have options instead of taking an emotional beating from a nasty bully but i was blind to those options at the time , hindsight has zero value
im financially secure and earn a decent living but thier is a gaping hole in my life which i know is there to stay , from the POV of dealing categorically with my ilness , the only truly honorable choice i had this past fourteen years was suicide , i didnt have the bottle to make such a descision so the consequence of my cowardice is depression , the world is a harsh place , im not special and deserve nothing unconditionally , while i take strenght from being able to appreciate that reality , being too real is a rather joyless and cold experience , one therapist many years ago told me that my inner child was dead , i had told him how my dad never uttered a kind word to be from i was a child until he died and that i was visciously bullied while working overseas , i knew that something died within me around the end of 1998 and that was as good of a description as ive heard yet
the above isnt a whine btw or at least is not intended to be
No. I think that has merit. I know I have very low self esteem, from a childhood that was not a nurturing or caring place to increase confidence or self esteem. I think that when people have a healthy foundation, they are more immune to the bullies of the world. Bullies are like sharks...they go for the weak, emotionally weak. They get pleasure from creating a negative atmosphere. A strong person emotionally, has inner strength to deal with the put downs, subtle innuendos, and vicious lies a bully tells. A person with low self esteem will have self doubt, and rather than put the bully in place...will allow the bully an edge...which the bully will keep knocking at, like a battering ram...to find that weakness.
No. I think that has merit. I know I have very low self esteem, from a childhood that was not a nurturing or caring place to increase confidence or self esteem. I think that when people have a healthy foundation, they are more immune to the bullies of the world. Bullies are like sharks...they go for the weak, emotionally weak. They get pleasure from creating a negative atmosphere. A strong person emotionally, has inner strength to deal with the put downs, subtle innuendos, and vicious lies a bully tells. A person with low self esteem will have self doubt, and rather than put the bully in place...will allow the bully an edge...which the bully will keep knocking at, like a battering ram...to find that weakness.
i was twenty ( going on twenty one ) when i met my bully , i was not weak , i was insecure ( like a lot of twenty year olds ) but came across strong , defensive and defiant , i had become this way due to my dads constant criticism growing up , unfortunatley the bully i encountered was a psychological vampire , she was also a fanatical anti catholic who was willing to say and do anything to destroy me , she went as far as to claim other people were determined to do me in , i spoke to theese people and they hadnt a clue what she was on about , while in the midst of the bullying , i didnt even class it as bullying , i was fighting , i had left this ghouls company a month before one day i cracked and slowly but surely , it dawned on me that i was having a delayed reaction to the abuse i had endured , it really did hit me like a thunderbolt , i never saw it coming , i thought i was building charechter while battling the bully , i refused to resign my job and told the bully " no matter how much sh1t you give me , im not leaving " , when the depression arrived , all the bile which had been directed at me , hit me like a slew of arrows , all of a sudden it hurt , i now remember all the poision which came out of this devil womans mouth yet at the time i thought i could handle it , thats what really rocked me , it didnt occur to me at the time what was being done to me , as such im less confident , i dont believe that im a strong person anymore , if i was , i would not have had a delayed reaction , my story is one of bad luck in many ways , had i only had to deal with one toxic person ( my dad ) in my early life , i reckon i would be a completley sound individual now , i could not afford to have met a second toxic individual
Isn't it very interesting how bullies survive and do well?
That's the illusion they want to create.
When you see a bully, think of an insecure person.
They cover it up by being fake, acting showy, boisterous, clanny, pouncing on other people whenever they have the chance; gossip, act petty, engage in simple, small-minded stuff.
They try to pretend like they're all big when they're little inside.
Lack of integrity speaks volumes to me about a person's inner world of experiences. Full of vile.
No way to live. When you see that, you can feel compassion, and at the same time, feel sorry they have to be so pathetic.
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