I just don't fit in... (emotion, psychologist, anxiety, therapy)

[neutrino78x]

I still don't see any evidence that jmb501 needs a psychologist. I am so frustrated by so many users on this web site accusing others of x or y mental disorder.

Sorry people, but just because someone isn't 100% like you in every way does not mean they have a mental disorder. It just means they are different from you.

[neutrino78x]

Originally Posted by ocnjgirl

And what does your counselor say? Surely he has noticed flaws in your communication skills and ability to relate? Again don't want to be a pest, but what did you tell him you were there to get help with?

Perhaps, in the professional opinion of the psychologist, as opposed to the people on here who don't know what they are talking about, the original poster does not have any mental disorders.

Technically, Bill Gates is considered to have social anxiety disorder, but it doesn't affect his life. It is there in a technical sense only. To say that both he and someone who can't breathe in a social situation both have social anxiety disorder, in any other than a technical sense, is like saying both a light bulb and the Sun should be interacted with in exactly the same way because they are both objects that emit visible light. The Sun emits very intense visible light, whereas the light bulb emits an infinitesimal fraction of what the Sun does.

Not fitting in does not mean one has an actual mental disorder. That's why it's called "not fitting in" rather than, say, "schizophrenia" or "clinical depression" (NOT to be confused with normal depression, which is NOT a mental disorder) or "multiple personality disorder".

Not fitting isn't a mental disorder, being shy isn't a mental disorder, being an older virgin isn't a mental disorder, finding few people with whom you would be interested in a relationship isn't a mental disorder, being bitter due to negative experiences isn't a mental disorder.

As I've said before on another subforum....you guys haven't seen a true mental disorder. I have. The girl I met in college has severe memory issues. It has rapidly worsened and is now at the point where her father is handling her affairs (last I heard). A friend I had as a kid is prone to making violent threats for no apparent reason or for no significant reason. A woman I know (well, "know of" would be more accurate) who lives under a bridge has schizophrenia. She urinates on herself, she talks to herself. She gets drunk to forget about her problems. Her family has offered for her to come home so they can take care of her, but she refuses, as then she would have to stop drinking and start taking the pills she needs because she an ACTUAL mental disorder. She has a real mental disorder, an imbalance of chemicals in her brain, which can be treated with drugs.

Please, people. ((rolling my eyes)) at people who don't know what they're talking about.

[krmb]

Originally Posted by neutrino78x

Perhaps, in the professional opinion of the psychologist, as opposed to the people on here who don't know what they are talking about, the original poster does not have any mental disorders.

Technically, Bill Gates is considered to have social anxiety disorder, but it doesn't affect his life. It is there in a technical sense only. To say that both he and someone who can't breathe in a social situation both have social anxiety disorder, in any other than a technical sense, is like saying both a light bulb and the Sun should be interacted with in exactly the same way because they are both objects that emit visible light. The Sun emits very intense visible light, whereas the light bulb emits an infinitesimal fraction of what the Sun does.

Not fitting in does not mean one has an actual mental disorder. That's why it's called "not fitting in" rather than, say, "schizophrenia" or "clinical depression" (NOT to be confused with normal depression, which is NOT a mental disorder) or "multiple personality disorder".

Not fitting isn't a mental disorder, being shy isn't a mental disorder, being an older virgin isn't a mental disorder, finding few people with whom you would be interested in a relationship isn't a mental disorder, being bitter due to negative experiences isn't a mental disorder.

As I've said before on another subforum....you guys haven't seen a true mental disorder. I have. The girl I met in college has severe memory issues. It has rapidly worsened and is now at the point where her father is handling her affairs (last I heard). A friend I had as a kid is prone to making violent threats for no apparent reason or for no significant reason. A woman I know (well, "know of" would be more accurate) who lives under a bridge has schizophrenia. She urinates on herself, she talks to herself. She gets drunk to forget about her problems. Her family has offered for her to come home so they can take care of her, but she refuses, as then she would have to stop drinking and start taking the pills she needs because she an ACTUAL mental disorder. She has a real mental disorder, an imbalance of chemicals in her brain, which can be treated with drugs.

Please, people. ((rolling my eyes)) at people who don't know what they're talking about.

Yeah, exactly. I've seen people who have real disorders. I have a unique way of thinking and interacting with the world, but I wouldn't really call it a disorder, for the most part, unless it's a fairly mild one. Things like psychosis and dementia are much more serious and probably what people think of when they hear "mental disorder."

[ocnjgirl]

Originally Posted by neutrino78x

I still don't see any evidence that jmb501 needs a psychologist. I am so frustrated by so many users on this web site accusing others of x or y mental disorder.

Sorry people, but just because someone isn't 100% like you in every way does not mean they have a mental disorder. It just means they are different from you.

I'm basing it on many past threads by KMB. She needs significant help with social and communication skills IMO based on many of those posts, and she needs a professional IMO to help her with this because it does not come naturally to OP and she has been floundering for a very long time now, and is unable to get a teaching job due to the problems she is having relating to others. She has posted that she thinks she may have Asperger's. I don't recall "accusing" OP of anything.

Bill Gates picked a career that enabled him to be who he was and played to his strengths. OP unfortunately did not, she is almost done a Masters in teaching secondary education, a field almost entirely dependent on social and communication skills and fitting in in a group setting. If asked beforehand, I would have said it's fine to be different, but find a career field that works in that context, however OP did not ask beforehand and she is now stuck with either trying to get help to "fit in" or to pay off student loans for a career she'll never succeed in.

[krmb]

Originally Posted by ocnjgirl

I'm basing it on many past threads by KMB. She needs significant help with social and communication skills IMO based on many of those posts, and she needs a professional IMO to help her with this because it does not come naturally to OP and she has been floundering for a very long time now, and is unable to get a teaching job due to the problems she is having relating to others. She has posted that she thinks she may have Asperger's. I don't recall "accusing" OP of anything.

Bill Gates picked a career that enabled him to be who he was. OP unfortunately did not, she is almost done a Masters in teaching and her entire future is in jeopardy. If asked beforehand, I would have said it's fine to be different, but find a career field that works in that context, however OP did not ask beforehand and she is now stuck with either trying to get help to "fit in" or to pay off student loans for a career she'll never succeed in.

See, that's right, too. I naively thought that teachers got a chance to work with mostly canned curriculum and hone their interpersonal skills. I was very surprised when I learned that lesson planning was a process of choosing standards, narrowing them down to specific observable criteria, and coming up with ways to observe such criteria performed in order to measure student mastery of said criteria. I've gotten a chance to look at a pacing guide, but it's really all Greek to me. I know my subject, just not how to translate it into standards, and I further definitely do not know how to translate those standards into kid language. Teaching is definitely a different experience than I expected; teachers are expected to be able to do a lot of thinking on their feet, and speaking and interpersonal skills aren't really taught in depth; people just assume you already have them. Add to that everyone thinks they are entitled to be your boss. Schools that would hire teachers expect them to already be experts at, well, teaching, and I'm beginning to perhaps understand that this wasn't the best career choice for me.

[RosemaryT]

There's a line in Philip Yancey's book ("What's So Amazing About Grace?") that says, "We're all oddballs, but God loves us anyway."

I've observed that most hyper-intelligent people are real weirdos and nutjobs and fruitloops. It's what makes us so darn interesting!

[shanv3]

I faced a similar situation in life and still trying to get out of it. I am in your same age group but had a different problem. I was a celebrated kid, topper in school, active , enthusiastic,talented etc, but at one point I was forced to behave in a way which is "socially acceptable" . So when I stopped being myself, that subsequently hindered my thinking and actions and I let myself go into a shell. I am still trying to come out of it. I had trouble finding a job, not because I couldn't get one, I accepted whatever came to me .

I made mistakes in choosing friends - that is I let go some of the genuine ones whereas looking for the virtual ones. Only to realize genuine friends are always there for you irrespective of what position you are in. Try reaching out for them.

I genuinely talk to people and I remember any one who meets my by their name. People come in talk to me , take my number etc, but its for expanding their business or filling up teams etc.

Knowing and realizing the problem = 50% of the solution. You have the solution already, you got to work on it. I know its very very hard to break the habits, but only we take care of ourselves.

If you like, watch this video, he may have answers to your question.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JWx85nQg4Ss

[Ellis Bell]

Originally Posted by kmb501

Yeah, exactly. I've seen people who have real disorders. I have a unique way of thinking and interacting with the world, but I wouldn't really call it a disorder, for the most part, unless it's a fairly mild one. Things like psychosis and dementia are much more serious and probably what people think of when they hear "mental disorder."

I'll tell you what my grandmother always told me. "You have to be friendly in order to make friends". She told me that when I was young and going to church with her. I always hung out with her and her friends which were the 70 and older group. Shoot...they were fun to be around. Easy to talk to and they knew how to have fun in life. They also talked to me, not at me.

Where as the teenagers at that church were a snooty bunch. Who wants to be friends with that!?

But she thought what I was doing hanging with her and her friends was odd enough that she made that comment. While she may have been right, she didn't have the whole story. What was I going to do, pull her aside and say, grandma, they're trouble? (they're adults now and they didn't change and they went on to have children and they taught them...)

No, I just did what I do best. Do what I want to do and stop worrying about what it may 'look like'.

Trust you are not the only one picking up on the meanness of some people. Not all people are mean. We know this. We see acts of kindness all over the world and in our own community neighborhoods.

If you studied to be a teacher and I'm sure you did as you said, then you have had college psychology. Use that and be friendly towards others and you will attract friendly back, except in the times you come across the snooties of this world and there is nothing you can do with those, except say a prayer for 'em. They're the ones needing a counselor.



I'm still not going to parties if I don't have to and at the end of the day I am happy, home...alone. If that is a disorder, oh the f well.

Looking for a job is like looking for a soul mate. It doesn't matter what your career choice is, you will find the people, if you are persistent, who will hire you, because you fit in their organization. If you don't fit in, (not hired) it is a blessing, because you will be miserable trying to fit in a place you don't belong. I believe you're intuitive enough, that you understand what I'm saying. Dancing to the beat of a different drummer, just means, you're a bit smarter than the rest of 'em.

PS: I know my screen name does not depict it, I am female, and my oldest boy does the same as you...reads people.

[Ellis Bell]

Originally Posted by kmb501

See, that's right, too. I naively thought that teachers got a chance to work with mostly canned curriculum and hone their interpersonal skills. I was very surprised when I learned that lesson planning was a process of choosing standards, narrowing them down to specific observable criteria, and coming up with ways to observe such criteria performed in order to measure student mastery of said criteria. I've gotten a chance to look at a pacing guide, but it's really all Greek to me. I know my subject, just not how to translate it into standards, and I further definitely do not know how to translate those standards into kid language. Teaching is definitely a different experience than I expected; teachers are expected to be able to do a lot of thinking on their feet, and speaking and interpersonal skills aren't really taught in depth; people just assume you already have them. Add to that everyone thinks they are entitled to be your boss. Schools that would hire teachers expect them to already be experts at, well, teaching, and I'm beginning to perhaps understand that this wasn't the best career choice for me.

Interpersonal communication is, non-personal interaction with others. Which is something I have a tough time with as well, because I will mention, my grandmother---a personal to me topic.

Find a Toastmaster's Charter near you and join it. Practice makes better and there you will get a lot of practice in communication(s).

Public education is political, all politics. I've seen people with masters degrees give it up and clean houses instead, because the politics took the love of teaching out of it.

Try private schools...however, everyone has their clicks.

I substitute taught a semester at a time I was in between jobs, wow. I am glad I did it. It is one I would call, a noisy career. Talk about having to deal with multiple personalities,...CSRs, just think they have a tough job.

Good luck to you and look for a Toastmasters near you. They can help in ways, you'll come away feeling great about yourself. Attend a meeting as a guest and see if it isn't a good fit.

[neutrino78x]

Originally Posted by ocnjgirl

I'm basing it on many past threads by KMB. She needs significant help with social and communication skills IMO based on many of those posts, and she needs a professional IMO to help her with this because it does not come naturally to OP

Okay, again: just because this person is not exactly like you does not mean they have a mental disorder or "needs help".

and she has been floundering for a very long time now, and is unable to get a teaching job due to the problems she is having relating to others.

Well, the most that could be said is that the person needs to pursue a different career. Still not indicative of a mental disorder.

She has posted that she thinks she may have Asperger's.

I'm not a psychologist, but from what I can see, there is no evidence of anyone on this thread having that. Maybe in a technical sense, like the sense in which the sun and a light bulb are technically both "objects which emit visible light". But just as the sun emits far more visible light than the light bulb, at a far greater intensity, if this person has Asperger, it isn't to any significant degree.