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Most of my memories of school are of being bullied, hurt, and having lots of trouble getting along with other people. I stuttered when I was younger, and still do at times. My school mates just thought I was weird, and I did go out of my way to seem unique. Needless to say, I didn't have many friends in K-12. In fact, I felt almost handicapped in this area. People just didn't like me.
Well, I thought things would improve after I became an adult, and they kind of did, but I still had too much trouble connecting with people and was only liked by a few. The good thing, though, is there were more oddballs in college, so I didn't feel completely left out. After I graduated, had too much trouble finding a job, and got routinely insulted by the kids I worked with, cold hard reality set back in. I withdrew a bit more and became a little afraid of meeting and getting to know other people. I doubt my ability to enter into a relationship, friendship or otherwise, and get a good job. I'm so tired of being mocked and condemned. What should I do about this?
I constantly daydream about "winning" socially, of getting the great job, the awesome group of friends, and the reputation and respect I want, but reality is that I don't really know how to get along with most people, at least that's how I feel. I actually want to be my age group's version of "cool," and have people respect and admire me. I still kind of feel like an outcast. Most of my experiences are that of failure.
I'm thinking about maybe talking to my counselor about this, but I'm afraid these concerns will be dismissed as not serious. I keep telling myself that I will make a change, but it seems like I stay in the same old rut. I'm close to thirty and have accomplished less than I could have. I want something to change, but I don't even know what steps to take.
I have a similar childhood history. Bullied, no friends, even my parents kept telling me I am ugly and useless.
I built up my confidence in my late teens and early 20s through modeling. What helped me a lot was seeing pics of myself and how pretty I can be.
I was really beat down at the beginning of this year (broke up with ex bf) and then ran into a photographer. He took awesome pics of me and I saw in his collection, that he took pics of all sorts of people, young old, slim not slim. They all look beautiful in the right light and setting.
You will most likely never be the socially fun person everybody wants to be around. I will never be either. The communication issues I had when I was a kid, will stay with me for the rest of my life. I just missed the chance to build up basic skills in that department. If there is a party, I will be there, but you can find me away from most people.
You can get a small amount of friends where you can be yourself around them. They are much more worth than a big group of people who probably disappear if you have a problem.
Also, concentrate on doing something (maybe as a hobby) that you are good at and have fun doing. You might never have that awesome job but you can learn to be happy with what you have.
Maybe you like animals? Lots of socially awkward people love animals, you can join a rescue group or volunteer. Or volunteer at soup kitchens. At volunteer places people are usually very kind and you learn better social skills and maybe even find friends.
I think talking to a counselor would help. Maybe look online for seminars or tips on how to build up self esteem and love yourself. You don't need to be an over achiever or "winner" type to love yourself. Be happy with what was given to you and make the most out of it.
There are lots of online resources.
Look into the mirror every morning, stare in your eyes and tell yourself "I am awesome" or "I love you" or "I am worthy" over and over. After a while you will believe it.
Most of my memories of school are of being bullied, hurt, and having lots of trouble getting along with other people. I stuttered when I was younger, and still do at times. My school mates just thought I was weird, and I did go out of my way to seem unique. Needless to say, I didn't have many friends in K-12. In fact, I felt almost handicapped in this area. People just didn't like me.
Well, I thought things would improve after I became an adult, and they kind of did, but I still had too much trouble connecting with people and was only liked by a few. The good thing, though, is there were more oddballs in college, so I didn't feel completely left out. After I graduated, had too much trouble finding a job, and got routinely insulted by the kids I worked with, cold hard reality set back in. I withdrew a bit more and became a little afraid of meeting and getting to know other people. I doubt my ability to enter into a relationship, friendship or otherwise, and get a good job. I'm so tired of being mocked and condemned. What should I do about this?
I constantly daydream about "winning" socially, of getting the great job, the awesome group of friends, and the reputation and respect I want, but reality is that I don't really know how to get along with most people, at least that's how I feel. I actually want to be my age group's version of "cool," and have people respect and admire me. I still kind of feel like an outcast. Most of my experiences are that of failure.
I'm thinking about maybe talking to my counselor about this, but I'm afraid these concerns will be dismissed as not serious. I keep telling myself that I will make a change, but it seems like I stay in the same old rut. I'm close to thirty and have accomplished less than I could have. I want something to change, but I don't even know what steps to take.
It only takes a few. Concentrate on that. One on one conversations are easier for people like us.
If I am in a group setting, I usually pick the person that likes me and keep close to him/her, without completely dragging her/him away from the others. It gives me some security and strength. I don't do too well amongst too many people but I do well, if I have that ONE other person near me.
You will never be at a party and have 10 people around you, laughing at your jokes. It's just not realistic. And it's okay. You are JUST as likeable as if you are the goofball. I try to be the mysterious background woman and it works
The cool people are not as cool as they pretend they are. I grew up like you, and most of the cool people in HS ended up losers or dead. You are a worthwhile person, and no one can take that from you. Be true to yourself and go after what you believe in. Pursue your abilities and do not give up. Most of all never believe the cool people, in the end they are not anywhere near as good as you are. Deep down they know what phonies they really are, and that's why they treated you as they did.
You have to remember that real life isn't high school. There aren't two groups: cool people and everybody else. Really, everybody is cool in their own way, whether they're gym rats or Civil War reenactors or opera singers. Live the kind of life you enjoy and treat yourself with respect Whether or not you make tons and tons of friends, you're still having a good run.
Spend your time doing things you enjoy and if you happen to meet some like-minded people along the way, then that's fantastic. But as a self-proclaimed introvert, I find it exhausting to interact with too many people. Yet I had a great career as a pharmaceutical sales rep for about 10 years. I found a field that I could be passionate about and although the training was painful (outside my comfort zone by leaps and bounds) once I was out on my own, making my own shedule every dy, self directed my workflow...I found that teaching doctors about the drugs really wasn't so bad. I know, weird. Eventually, with the help of colleagues, I could even do dinner presentations.
So, I feel your pain but know that almost anything is possible. Follow the path that makes youhappy and let the rest happen.
So far, I like teaching English. Internationals don't seem to mind if you are a little weird, as long as you know your stuff. I just don't have a social life per se.
Oh-Eve:
If there were only more people in the world like you.
.... but by your compassion to kmb501, you're outstandingly beautiful.
Well said.
The responses to kmb501 are truly heart warming.
I'm sure I was considered weird as a kid. I was considered crazy as an adult. My craziness died in me in recent years but while it lasted it was my way of getting by with my social 'clumsiness'. My childhood/teenage-hood was pretty miserable. I wasn't bullied though. I had few friends but at least I did have a few. I still have very few friends but that is my own fault. I'm just not very social - I'm almost a recluse actually. Yet oddly enough, there are young kids out there who love me!? Not a great number mind you. Just my great nephews and nieces. And my nephews and nieces before that (plus a few other kids).
My recent experiences lead me to believe there are a few simple steps one can take to improve how one feels about themselves (and just feels) and behaves and/or interacts with others.
All the best and do take care.
303Guy
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