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Agree, isn't this a classic example of holding the coal in your hand trying to burn the person who hurt you? And 25 years ago at that? I'll praise you for your persistence...
My grandfather in law is like this. He is on his deathbed still talking about all the people who wronged him in life. Only those people don't care and probably don't even remember. It only hurts him. A sad mean old man....
The best revenge to get on a bully is success on your part. Be better and more successful than them at everything you do. Show them that they didn't affect you at all (even if they did), move on and forgive and forget.
Ah yes but that means that you do still indeed think about them. Even if you are using what they've done to you as motivation to be more successful they are still in your head and you haven't forgotten them or really forgiven them.
Have you ever, ever, ever, complained about anything to anyone about anything? That's a form of revenge! Have you ever reported a co-employee to a supervisor for anything, that's revenge. If you are a boss, have you ever given an employee an assignment you know they would not like because of punishment? That's revenge. Have you ever punished a child. That's revenge. Revenge is just a reaction to counter an act or provocation that was not approved by you. We all do it. If you don't do it then you are a victim and will always be a victim.
I agree. You are forced into one. You either do what it takes to be satisfied or you accept your lot (victim). There is no third option. Even the score or accept what happened and move on.
For those so horrified by what OP did, I'm surprised. Between the evening news, various action movies and the history of most civilizations, revenge is a well-settled universal law. Nothing shocking or surprising here.
Right or wrong, OP's behavior is not unusual and is common. Do I agree with it, I don't know. But I do know that it's not unusual or abnormal behavior. In fact, it's quite normal (look at modern society and current events).
I agree. You are forced into one. You either do what it takes to be satisfied or you accept your lot (victim). There is no third option. Even the score or accept what happened and move on.
Of course there is a third option: Preventing reoccurrence.
Taking steps to prevent reoccurrence (from that perpetrator or any other) is not "accept your lot (victim). "
Of course there is a third option: Preventing reoccurrence.
Taking steps to prevent reoccurrence (from that perpetrator or any other) is not "accept your lot (victim). "
I can respect that opinion, but I disagree. Those are essentially equivalent.
If you take steps to prevent a repeat, but don't admit or accept that you were outsmarted, victimized, etc., you will always have it in the back of your mind. It will be unresolved.
I suppose you could argue that preventing a repeat is closure enough. If that's the case, then I can't disagree with you because that would be personal to each person. One person may say it's enough just to avoid getting hurt again. Another may say it's not enough. But as a whole, it still converges on two options. I accept it or I get revenge.
I can respect that opinion, but I disagree. Those are essentially equivalent.
If you take steps to prevent a repeat, but don't admit or accept that you were outsmarted, victimized, etc., you will always have it in the back of your mind. It will be unresolved.
If you took steps to prevent a repeat, then you certainly did "admit or accept that you were outsmarted, victimized" and you made a specific decision that it shall not happen again.
Moreover, you've certainly taken a more positive action than merely taking revenge on the person who harmed you without having taken steps to prevent it from happening again by that person (counter-revenge, ad infinitum) or by the next person.
That's especially important in circumstances that revenge is impossible, such as, say, an unknown mugger or rapist who gets away or the burglar who has emptied your house while you were away on vacation.
So basically, the OP allowed someone to live inside his head rent-free for a quarter century.
Yeah that pretty much sums it up.
In no way can I justify what the OP did. But it has less to do with the means and more to do with the internalization of the ends. Even though both are problematic.
What is keeping the OP from being like his dad? What's keeping the OP from doing this to others? Sure the OP thinks there's a logical 1 to 1 cosmic moral imperative of justice here, but really by posting this online and by espousing to others that he's ok, is just irresponsible.
The OP doesn't live in a vacuum or a movie and moral codes are codes because of consistency. And as such, that is why the OP isn't Beatrix Kiddo, Lizbeth Salander or someone in a Park Chan-wook film.
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If the OP doesn't believe in morality whatsoever, then what happened to him is amoral and hence doesn't deserve retribution/revenge.
If the OP does believe in conventional morality, then what he did was wrong.
If the OP does believes in his own chaotic morality, then he doesn't follow conventional morality and can do this whenever and to whomever he pleases; which most would agree, would be wrong.
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On the question of revenge and justice. Revenge probably does feel good. I've thought about it a lot. But there's feeling good, actually being good, and all of the trappings that come with revenge. That's why society dictates what justice is. Because usually the retribution, and cycle of violence stops. It may not feel the best, but it's best for the rest of us. I wouldn't want to personally be in the mind prison, feeling like I had to get revenge, it would be a drain on my soul, and I think a lot of others would agree.
If you took steps to prevent a repeat, then you certainly did "admit or accept that you were outsmarted, victimized" and you made a specific decision that it shall not happen again.
Then why would you feel the need to call it a third option? You essentially agree with one of the two options.
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