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I wonder whether these victim-blaming men really want to live in a world where all women take the precaution of never being alone with them, or sharing food or drink with them, or letting them come into physical contact with them, or looking attractive around them, or going somewhere not in a pack of harpy girlfriends, or...well, you get the jist.
There's no more "victim blaming men" than there is victim blaming women.
I'd bet there are many many women out there who would NOT go to the home of a complete stranger they met in the bar when half drunk.
Not all men feel the need to get a half drunk women at the bar to take home with them.....none that i know.
It's not blaming the woman to ask her to use common sense to protect herself...better than having her blinders on, don't you think???
We're talking complete strangers here....and if you feel that you can trust them the same as someone you know well, then that's your folly.
The assault situations women should take responsibility for are the times when a woman assaults another person.
otherwise, no, the victims are not responsible for the criminal actions of the person who assaults them.
That doesn't mean a person can't try to avoid situations where they might be subject to violence, just like a man might not want to walk down the street alone at 2 am in a crime ridden area either. But that doesn't make him at fault if he gets mugged, even if there is a greater chance of it happening based on his actions.
Apparently some people feel that suggesting that people avoid situations where they might be subject to violence is"victim blaming"..... if there is violence.
I agree ...no one wants to be hurt....but if you're not willing to take some precautions (call it victim blaming if you want) then the likelyhood of it happening to you will increase......that's not judging anyone...that's FACT.
I do think that women bear responsibility for not putting themselves in dangerous situations.
I have a friend who flew to another city to meet a man she had been talking with online. He picked her up at the airport, and took her to a hotel. (She thought they'd be going to his house...because that would be better??)
Of course, he expected something out of it. She told him that wasn't going to happen, and spent the night on the couch in the room. She was in her 40s at the time, and absolutely should have know better.
To make things even worse, the only person she told before going was her teenaged daughter, and even then, only told her which city she was flying to.
My friend was extremely -- EXTREMELY -- lucky that she came out of that unharmed.
We all owe a responsibility to ourselves to keep ourselves out of situations we can't get out of or will lead to our harm. There's no getting around that. We will always be our own best advocates. This does not mitigate any responsibility on the part of the perpetrator in a sexual crime, or in any crime really. We have no right to offend against people just because they have left themselves open for it. That is no justification at all, and the offense will not become partly the fault of the victim in those cases. It will always be the fault of the perpetrator who chose to offend, even if the offence is against someone who "never should have worn that dress".
This. You are still responsible for your decision to assault another person, regardless of the role the person may or may not have played in making it possible for you to do the assaulting.
You definitely hang out with a different class of woman than I do.
This behavior had nothing to do with class. Many women of many different demographics are conditioned from an early age to "be polite," nonconfrontational, not offend, laugh off inappropriate approaches, not be a ball-busting B, etc.
The problem usually lies in the proof. Because even if you prove that sex happened with these specific people, you can practically never prove whether consent happened or not, if there were no witnesses. It is, as is often said, "he said/she said." And knowing this is why so many women don't even bother to report it.
That and the fact that when they do, if they are even given enough credence that it goes to court, they generally get put on the stand, held up to media scrutiny, and generally treated as if THEY are the criminals, bothinthe court and the court of public opinion. Routinely. Who wants to be revictimized over and over when seeking justice that is hardly ever actually served?
Apparently some people feel that suggesting that people avoid situations where they might be subject to violence is"victim blaming"..... if there is violence.
I agree ...no one wants to be hurt....but if you're not willing to take some precautions (call it victim blaming if you want) then the likelyhood of it happening to you will increase......that's not judging anyone...that's FACT.
still doesn't mean you are at fault for it happening. The perpetrator is the one at fault, period. If there were no rapists, women could walk around naked and not get raped. If there were no muggers, people could flash big rolls of cash and not get mugged. Taking precautions at best means it's less likely to happen to an individual person, but as long as the criminals are out there, the crimes will occur.
Certainly true for a serial rapist, or anyone who roofies drinks.
A guy with too many drinks in him at a bar quite probably would be perfectly happy with a willing partner, and many times is too inebriated to even know if the object of his affections can legally give consent, and in fact often is also in a position of being unable to legally consent himself.
I would argue that probably the only context where rape isn't necessarily rooted in violent aggression is in some instances of statutory rape, where the legal victim is mentally incapacitated, does so without coercion, does not consider him or herself to be a victim, but, due to age, is not considered legally able to give consent. There is possibly still the question of power differential at play, it's still a rape, and it still has an element of power at play, but isn't necessarily a conscious act of violence or aggression.
For example a friend of a friend went to a bar, met a guy, went back to his house and drank what he gave her, was then claiming she was assaulted but can’t remember the whole night.
When you know there are horrible sexual predators out there, why would you go to a strangers house and also drink something he gave you, not knowing what’s in it. I would think you would have to claim some responsibility for putting yourself in harms way especially these days when there is so much evil out there.
It’s one think to be jumped when walking to your car and another thing to willing go back to a strangers house.
It is called making yourself a hard target. It does not mean blame the victim nor excuse the crime, but it does assist in a person not becoming the victim of a crime such as this or any other crime.
Throwing a bunch of money on the seat of your car, leaving the doors unlocked, then the money getting stolen is a crime, but everyone will pretty much state a person who left the money in clear view with the doors unlocked is an idiot.
There are criminals out there, it is best to make yourself a hard target and try to assist yourself in not being a victim of a crime.
still doesn't mean you are at fault for it happening. The perpetrator is the one at fault, period. If there were no rapists, women could walk around naked and not get raped. If there were no muggers, people could flash big rolls of cash and not get mugged. Taking precautions at best means it's less likely to happen to an individual person, but as long as the criminals are out there, the crimes will occur.
This and it seems, from what I've read, heard, and personally been told (I'm friends with many girls who've unfortunately been raped) you do tend to KNOW the rapist and are close to them. Some people are assaulted by their uncles, cousins, even siblings, and fathers. What precautions could you possibly take to make sure THEY don't rape you, especially when (family wise) they are the last person you'd ever think of doing it. What about a close friend, one you've known for years? Or a boyfriend, someone you typically trust and know would stop when you say so? If this is the case, how on earth could, and honestly why would, you truly take precautions to make sure these people you trust and know WON'T do this to you?
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