Shouldn’t women take responsibility in certain assault situations? (men, woman, mom)
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I was 5 the first time I was sexually abused by the next-door neighbor who was in his 70s and abused every one of his own kids, his grandkids and many of us neighborhood kids. I can't count how many times it's happened in my life and by how many different perpetrators. When I was 15, I reported an incident to the local police department. Nothing happened. The police officer actually yawned - loudly- as he was questioning me.
When I was 10-11, the bus driver gave us "assigned seating" and insisted I sit behind his seat. I was the last person off the bus on this route. He asked questions about my breasts and if I had my period yet. When I refused to answer, he used his elbow to grind my hand into the metal bar where I was holding on. I still remember the malice on his face as he did it. Even though I was molested as a child and that disturbs me greatly, the bus driver hurting me because I wouldn't answer his questions really sticks with me. I think it was that experience that taught me that people could be monstrous more than anything else that had happened up to that point. I spent the whole school year wondering if he was going to kill me and dump me in the woods... because that's what he told me, point blank, that he was going to do. When I think back to the sheer anxiety and terror I felt, it still makes me feel sick. I was a quiet, obedient child who was afraid to speak up for fear of being yelled at or punished. These things that happened at such a young age most definitely changed the course of my life in myriad ways.
When you go through abuse of this nature at a young age, one of the consequences can be very low self esteem. People with very low self esteem often put themselves in situations that would best be avoided. People can blame all they want but until the perpetrators are weeded out and punished, things won't change. Speak up if you suspect someone's being abused. Have empathy for those who have gone through it. It's the only way things will improve.
I multi quoted my last post both before and after the quote of your post to indicate the circular nature of this discussion at this point. You're talking past me not to me. It almost seems like you've started the conversation completely over and everything I said, and part of what you even said earlier, got deleted somehow. But if I go back and look it's still there!
No idea what you even mean. You asked a question: Why is this so controversial? and I answered it, as best I could. Reasons, here, these reasons, that is why.
Well in my defense I had no idea who was in this class when I signed up for it.
But really, the victims are responsible for their own actions and the rapists are responsible for for their own actions. It's not that complicated but you have the outrage brigade trying to scream people in to submission to keep them from pointing out that very simple truth. Why is it so controversial to say that we have an obligation to look out for ourselves? It's harmful to women to try to convince them to believe otherwise.
I never thought about it like that. I guess I should admit my culpability for being dumb enough to be out at night by myself. I should accept part of the blame for parking my car in a public parking structure. I should accept Part of the responsibility for being punched, kicked, Stomped, slapped, bitten, raped, sodomized and choked to the tune of 3 fractured ribs, a fractured eye socket, two fractured fingers, 8 stitches in my mouth and a permanent bite scar on my shoulder. I guess I am partially to blame because I thought That as a woman I should be able to move about without some man raping and trying to kill me afterwards. Who knew?
On the bright side.... He didn't succeed in murdering me and I didn't have to do any jail time for the part I was guilty of....so there is that.
Last edited by Sydney123; 10-19-2017 at 03:44 PM..
It is called making yourself a hard target. It does not mean blame the victim nor excuse the crime, but it does assist in a person not becoming the victim of a crime such as this or any other crime.
Throwing a bunch of money on the seat of your car, leaving the doors unlocked, then the money getting stolen is a crime, but everyone will pretty much state a person who left the money in clear view with the doors unlocked is an idiot.
There are criminals out there, it is best to make yourself a hard target and try to assist yourself in not being a victim of a crime.
That is a crime of opportunity. Are you saying the same is for rape?
Well in my defense I had no idea who was in this class when I signed up for it.
But really, the victims are responsible for their own actions and the rapists are responsible for for their own actions. It's not that complicated but you have the outrage brigade trying to scream people in to submission to keep them from pointing out that very simple truth. Why is it so controversial to say that we have an obligation to look out for ourselves? It's harmful to women to try to convince them to believe otherwise.
Because there is nothing we can do to totally protect ourselves. Even women who wear burqas and never leave the house w/o a male family member get abused BY family. !
And if we take ALL of these pre-cautions that everyone says to, we would HAVE to live like women in Saudi Arabia in that way.
So that is the bottom line to some of you. Women are responsible for all sex, including rape. If only we weren't around in the world. With our sexual organs intact. Then we might be protected. Unless our doors are not good enough to repel a home invader.
I was 5 the first time I was sexually abused by the next-door neighbor who was in his 70s and abused every one of his own kids, his grandkids and many of us neighborhood kids. I can't count how many times it's happened in my life and by how many different perpetrators. When I was 15, I reported an incident to the local police department. Nothing happened. The police officer actually yawned - loudly- as he was questioning me.
When I was 10-11, the bus driver gave us "assigned seating" and insisted I sit behind his seat. I was the last person off the bus on this route. He asked questions about my breasts and if I had my period yet. When I refused to answer, he used his elbow to grind my hand into the metal bar where I was holding on. I still remember the malice on his face as he did it. Even though I was molested as a child and that disturbs me greatly, the bus driver hurting me because I wouldn't answer his questions really sticks with me. I think it was that experience that taught me that people could be monstrous more than anything else that had happened up to that point. I spent the whole school year wondering if he was going to kill me and dump me in the woods... because that's what he told me, point blank, that he was going to do. When I think back to the sheer anxiety and terror I felt, it still makes me feel sick. I was a quiet, obedient child who was afraid to speak up for fear of being yelled at or punished. These things that happened at such a young age most definitely changed the course of my life in myriad ways.
When you go through abuse of this nature at a young age, one of the consequences can be very low self esteem. People with very low self esteem often put themselves in situations that would best be avoided. People can blame all they want but until the perpetrators are weeded out and punished, things won't change. Speak up if you suspect someone's being abused. Have empathy for those who have gone through it. It's the only way things will improve.
I could cry. Your experiences are very similar to things I experienced as well.
When I was 5, my dentist had his assistant hold me down from behind, and then the dentist put his knee in my chest to hold me down, and drilled my teeth without novocaine. I screamed and tried to get out of the chair, but I was too little, and they physically held me down. I feel that I was assaulted.
I was molested, off and on, from the age of 6 to 8, by our next door neighbor. He and his wife were friends with my parents.
When I was in my 20's, there was an older man who would always stand too close to me. One time, we were all standing in line for something or other, and he stood so close to me behind me, I could feel his penis up against my butt cheeks. After that, he would try and walk to my car at the end of the day. It got to the point I asked a friend to walk out with me every night.
You're right...when stuff like that happens to you when you're young, it messes you up.
Survivors carry on, but that doesn't mean damage doesn't happen.
I could cry. Your experiences are very similar to things I experienced as well.
When I was 5, my dentist had his assistant hold me down from behind, and then the dentist put his knee in my chest to hold me down, and drilled my teeth without novocaine. I screamed and tried to get out of the chair, but I was too little, and they physically held me down. I feel that I was assaulted.
I was molested, off and on, from the age of 6 to 8, by our next door neighbor. He and his wife were friends with my parents.
When I was in my 20's, there was an older man who would always stand too close to me. One time, we were all standing in line for something or other, and he stood so close to me behind me, I could feel his penis up against my butt cheeks. After that, he would try and walk to my car at the end of the day. It got to the point I asked a friend to walk out with me every night.
You're right...when stuff like that happens to you when you're young, it messes you up.
Survivors carry on, but that doesn't mean damage doesn't happen.
I'm sorry you experienced this, Sassybluesy.
It's amazing how many of us have such similar experiences. I think just talking about it and putting it out in the open helps others, don't you?
I went through counseling off and on for years. Even the counseling can be painful, but I'm a believer in it. It's always helped me, especially hearing the words, "It's not your fault." I need reminders sometimes. It's a deep-seated kind of "messed up."
The onus is on us women because "some" men can't control their sexual urges I guess.
I guess we should know that it's the way some men act so we should adjust our behavior as to not temp men into sexually assaulting us.
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Then we might be protected. Unless our doors are not good enough to repel a home invader. 