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Young people in general are being shielded from the reality of life through too much helicopter parenting and "we don't keep score" and everyone gets a trophy mentality. It's all horsecrap. Life sucks, sometimes you lose and you have to be taught that you have to learn to accept failure, rejection and all of the other things that life throws our way. We're doing our kids a disservice the last generation or two in this regard.
Fall, lose, get rejected, whatever it is, we need to teach our kids to get up, realize that it's ok to fail or whatever but to get back into the saddle of life and be ok with failure in that regard. It's not the end of the world to have hurt feelings once in a while and that no one in life gives a flying you know what about your feelings in the big wide world.
I agree with you for the most part but I remember what Kobe Bryant said " alot of people say give it your best shot and if you come up short it's okay and I'm not with that,"and I feel the same. It's so easy to say do something about it but what if you can't, what then?
But being a robot or taking rejection personally to the point that you quit aren't the only options. When I say that some men get violent but most men suffer I'm thinking of guys who feel trapped by those expectations. Most of us, men and women, feel trapped to some extent, but we find ways to free ourselves from expectations we can't or won't meet.
I mean this as kindly as I can put it, but you don't seem to be able to effectively manage your very understandable, normal, and even healthy emotions. You seem to be a classic example of a man who believes there's only one way to be a proper man, and since you can't pull that off, or believe you can't, you're ******. That must be miserable. But in your misery, you choose to stay way on the edge of life, which is a much more respectable choice than hurting people because you're hurting, but it's also so sad because it's a choice you don't have to make.
The way forward for people who aren't what others expect them to be is to be who they are, without apology. Even if some people still don't get you or don't like you, they'll often respect you for being real.
I agree.
Everyone should be allowed to express themselves but they also need to have insight. People need to know when they are engaging in negative cognitive and other psychological responses. Know when the emotions you are feeling are causing you to keep repeating the same negative inner dialogue over and over. Completely dismissing the statements of those trying to help you get out of your funk, is just as frustrating as people being insensitive to how you feel. It pushes people away, making you feel even more alone.
I agree with you for the most part but I remember what Kobe Bryant said " alot of people say give it your best shot and if you come up short it's okay and I'm not with that,"and I feel the same. It's so easy to say do something about it but what if you can't, what then?
Accepting the "isness" of a given failure doesn't mean you don't do anything about it, accepting the fact isn't the same as giving up.
You understand what I mean here by "isness", it's simply accepting something unpleasant for what it is and moving on.
Accepting something isn't condoning it, at least in this context here.
Accepting the "isness" of a given failure doesn't mean you don't do anything about it, accepting the fact isn't the same as giving up.
You understand what I mean here by "isness", it's simply accepting something unpleasant for what it is and moving on.
Accepting something isn't condoning it, at least in this context here.
Accepting something isn't condoning it but it's not fixing it either, this can be a problem for some people because they realize there is something you have to fix and they can't figure it out. That's even worse than the failure part.
There is both a fine line between what is acceptable and what is wrong. There is also a slippery slope once you transgress into the wrong/immoral zone.
I believe that Harvey is in the wrong and likely a criminal. But to play devil's advocate on this subject this is a very gray area even though the media and these stars coming forward would like to portray it as "back and white" if you will.
In Hollywood or the specific culture that emanates around the entertainment industry. There are those with money and power and there are those that want it. The people that have the money and power use the leverage from their position to hold it over those that want it. Now you can be bright eyed and bushy tailed young actor/singer/dancer from podunk Iowa but when you move to Hollywood the initial ideal dream of stardom changes rather quickly.
For far far too long young up and comers have to sacrifice many a immoral things to use these power-brokers as a stepping stone along the way to reach stardom. There is a quid pro quo expectation in the industry. Many of the actors and actresses that are coming out now (as it's the popular thing) knew quite well what they were signing up for. These inappropriate rendezvous or casting couch calls were a known but unwritten part of becoming a star.
Many of these "stars" participated in these acts, took settlement/hush $, signed NDAs, and got roles/parts/promotion in turn for these favors. Now that they've become rich, famous, independent, and comfortable but are still bitter with what they did or had to give up in exchange.
So it becomes popular thing to do to whistle blow, to name names, to throw around accusations and labels. Yet none of these people had the cahones to file legal charges or blow the whistle during or after the act to protect/prevent others from suffering the same fate. To say that they aren't participants in the whole incestuous cycle and partially responsible is disingenuous at best.
I think the reason that boys lash out after rejection has many reasons. After a relationship, even if brief, girls will cut off and ignore the boy and wont even let him in on why she dumped him. This is frustrating to anyone that wants to know what happened, especially if they didnt see it coming. When this happened you cant even learn from it.
Some women like to hint for what they want, instead of risking rejection themselves and asking straight up. Many women still do this, hinting that they want their guy to do something, trying to "test" him (another female tactic) to see if he will do what they want, and if he fails the test, they say nothing. Do this a few times and eventually the guy gets dumped while he is clueless, then he isnt told why, because the woman is not invested enough anymore to explain it, maybe she feels he isnt worth the explanation.
Guys dont always have knowledgable friends around o let them know what they are doing wrong, so if youre a loner, it takes you a long time to get up to speed on how women work. Women usually have a big support group of friends to ease pain when they get dumped, so they handle it better.
It all depends on how people are raised and treat each other, games is quite a problem with dating for men and women.
Since most people arent good at communicating anyway, expecting them to teach their kids this is probably not going to happen. If they could teach kids in schools better communications skills, be able to give them the big picture on explaining the whys to people, there wouldnt be so much rejection. Of course you couldnt call it a "dating" class, because parents would instantly shoot it down.
Excellent points.
When men break up with women, it tends to be a bit more haphazard. We decide we want to split, tell the woman our feelings and then work out the logistics as we go.
Women make the decision, get all of the logistics handled AND THEN tell their men what's up. The men often aren't good at reading a situation. They talk to their women but don't really listen to them and so what seems obvious to most women and many men, is completely lost on some guys...especially younger guys.
Women will talk about their feelings but as a guy, you have to have a lawyer's personality. That is, a willingness to dig a little A lot of guys get caught unaware because when they ask their girlfriend "are you ok" and she says "I'm fine", they just take it at face value and don't look any further.
The problem is the mixed messages young people are getting sent. Some guys take the promiscuity message and run with it, others take the opposing message of only searching for loving, caring relationships and when that fails they just have trouble dealing with the end (which I think is due to many different issues). If we sell the Disney Romance theme, combined with other issues (such as a guy who is scared to be alone, doesn't want to have to work to find another girlfriend, etc.), I can see why some young guys just can't let go. They do everything "right" in terms of being kind, loving, etc., but the young woman just wants to separate and these guys feel they are losing everything.
I'm under the impression young men are constantly told they should treat young women "right," and basically not use them for sex (either in a ONS or as a long term relationships where the guy knows he is very likely going to eventually move on but doesn't tell his gf this). Well young women do the same thing, and when they hook one of these quick to commit, relationship oriented guys who are ready to settle quick in life, it can be brutal once she decides she is done and wants to move on. Yet no one seems to shame women for this (unless she used the guy for money, treated him horribly, etc.). Society seems to want to say, "Well, young women need to date around." That's good and all, but the men need to be given the same message. The message to young people needs to be: "Your generation averages x number of intimate partners in a lifetime. Don't get too hung up on getting too serious while you're young. Treat people right, and if they or you want to move along, for whatever reason, do so. There are plenty of other people to date or hookup with."
Agreed.
The men that have the most success in today's world (and I'm talking about average looking men since handsome/tall guys have a lot more leeway) have a little "dog" in them. When you treat women with respect but also let them know you want to enjoy the physical side of a relationship....those guys seem to have much more success than the guys that are more passive and try to take on the Prince Charming persona. With younger adults, the average woman usually has more "game" than a man of the same age. Outside of the natural Casanovas, most men have to take quite a few lumps before they learn what works and what doesn't. Women seem to learn these lessons earlier and have more feedback from their social circle on how to handle dating.
You need a little streak of selfishness as a man to keep you from getting run over.
The men that have the most success in today's world (and I'm talking about average looking men since handsome/tall guys have a lot more leeway) have a little "dog" in them. When you treat women with respect but also let them know you want to enjoy the physical side of a relationship....those guys seem to have much more success than the guys that are more passive and try to take on the Prince Charming persona. With younger adults, the average woman usually has more "game" than a man of the same age. Outside of the natural Casanovas, most men have to take quite a few lumps before they learn what works and what doesn't. Women seem to learn these lessons earlier and have more feedback from their social circle on how to handle dating.
You need a little streak of selfishness as a man to keep you from getting run over.
Good stuff right here.
My problem is I might be too selfish to be honest. I've been with enough women to know I must be doing something right but most of my experiences with women haven't been anything of substance other then lust. I'm 29 now but find myself becoming even more indifferent.
Dating though really shouldn't feel like a chore, it should be fun!
GUYs if a women really has high interest in you she makes things easier for you not harder, and no this doesn't mean she automatically sleeps with you the first date, but finally at the age of 29 I am learning the difference between chasing women and being persistent with them. Women do not like to be chased, especially not over chased, but they like a man who is persistent. There is a difference. As soon as a women stops reciprocating with you in any major way move the hell on to the next!!
Last edited by JPrzybylski07; 11-01-2017 at 10:36 AM..
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