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I understand you are wanting some new changes in your life, which is healthy. I wouldn't make any rash decisions about selling the house. I would try to rent it out for one year, and use that money to rent an apartment in the City, near your work. Then you could "try it out" in the City and see if you'd rather live in the new area.
As far as the ex's belongings. I would get rid of the bedroom set because it will remind you of her, and of your broken relationship. You don't need that staring you in the face every time you go to sleep. She knew she left it there.... doesn't mean you have to keep it. Dump the bedroom set, buy a bedroom set that YOU like.
P.S. When I moved out of an ex's house, I left large furniture items there. I assumed he would get rid of them. He didn't contact me that he would give me a chance to "pick them up". And, we broke up on mutual, good terms. I left the stuff, so I obviously didn't want it that badly. I suggest getting rid of her stuff. You need a new start... no memories or ghosts of your ex.
I understand you are wanting some new changes in your life, which is healthy. I wouldn't make any rash decisions about selling the house. I would try to rent it out for one year, and use that money to rent an apartment in the City, near your work. Then you could "try it out" in the City and see if you'd rather live in the new area.
As far as the ex's belongings. I would get rid of the bedroom set because it will remind you of her, and of your broken relationship. You don't need that staring you in the face every time you go to sleep. She knew she left it there.... doesn't mean you have to keep it. Dump the bedroom set, buy a bedroom set that YOU like.
P.S. When I moved out of an ex's house, I left large furniture items there. I assumed he would get rid of them. He didn't contact me that he would give me a chance to "pick them up". And, we broke up on mutual, good terms. I left the stuff, so I obviously didn't want it that badly. I suggest getting rid of her stuff. You need a new start... no memories or ghosts of your ex.
I agree with most of this. When my ex and I broke up I got rid of everything that reminded me of her. I even bought a brand new bed which is the best investment I ever made.
Any old pictures I found were thrown away. Yes, it was that bad of a break up, not worth me bringing up all the details as it just makes me upset. After I got rid of stuff it made me feel a whole lot better. I hope the OP can take some good advice here and do just that.
What I don't agree with is temporarily renting of the house and moving into an apartment. Not fair to the pets plus most apartment developments do not allow them, especially when it comes to big dogs.
Not cool to rent and throw out tenants after only about a year. I went through a similar situation recently when I lived in the same apartment development for 5.5 years. We all got very little notice when the development was sold and my rent was increased to the point of being unaffordable. It's done and I've moved on but it wasn't a pleasant thing to have to go through...
I agree with most of this. When my ex and I broke up I got rid of everything that reminded me of her. I even bought a brand new bed which is the best investment I ever made.
Any old pictures I found were thrown away. Yes, it was that bad of a break up, not worth me bringing up all the details as it just makes me upset. After I got rid of stuff it made me feel a whole lot better. I hope the OP can take some good advice here and do just that.
What I don't agree with is temporarily renting of the house and moving into an apartment. Not fair to the pets plus most apartment developments do not allow them, especially when it comes to big dogs.
Not cool to rent and throw out tenants after only about a year. I went through a similar situation recently when I lived in the same apartment development for 5.5 years. We all got very little notice when the development was sold and my rent was increased to the point of being unaffordable. It's done and I've moved on but it wasn't a pleasant thing to have to go through...
I think it depends what city you live in, but where I live (large mostly touristy city), most people only rent for 1 year. OP could be honest with potential renters, that the lease will be for 1 year and may not be renewed. Plenty of people, where I live, rent out their house or townhouse, and it is just for one year... sometimes just for 3 months (summer time). I don't see anything wrong with this, as the renter would be legally protected on a 1 year lease. Could even be a 6 month lease. It is completely up to the owner.
You make a good point about the dogs. Again, the apartments out here allow 2 pitbulls per tenant!
You need to spruce up your self esteem. You have a lot to offer, and you should not be settling for divorced or single women with one or more children with a questionable or violent past.
You need to look for the type of woman that you want in your life, not the woman who wants you in her life as long as it works for her. You may have to look in unexpected places, but you deserve a lot better than all the stuff she left behind.
Just want to make known I am reading everyone's posts and taking it all into consideration.
Hugging and sniffing her stuff comment made me chuckle a bit Kathryn lol.
I won't be deciding anything until I'm done painting and re-flooring the house. It's going to take at least a couple more months anyway. Thankfully I have a cousin that is helping me at night and on weekends. I am also going to see what I can do about getting her stuff to her next week or asap. I've got two PTO days next week so we'll see what happens.
Lieneke, a couple of your posts have hit home somewhat with the exception of her ex. I'm not saying she is in contact with him nor do I think she is. I could be wrong but the way she talked about him she was afraid of him. I just happened to look at his facebook a couple days after she broke up with me and noticed that a couple months ago he was released and doing "better".
I was good to her. Maybe too good? I paid for literally everything since my salary doubled hers but she never asked for anything. I just did it because I wanted to. She was a good mother and her boys were really respectful and I enjoyed doing stuff for them and taking them on trips.
Just trying to stay on the positive side of things. We have a lot of good memories together and I learned quite a bit from the relationship. Even though it didn't work out I want to believe there was a reason she came into my life for a couple years. Yeah I know it's bs but hey, whatever works.
OP, I think you are doing fine. I guess my point is that you do not need to become mired up in hopes for the future, or thinking she was "the one who got away" or whatever. I've lived long enough now to believe that as humans we can love any number of compatible people over the course of our lifetime. I believe the key to being happy with a person is MUTUAL RESPECT. Included in that mutual respect is honesty and trust. I believe people should be open about their feelings - good and bad. That's part of honesty to me. Not necessarily with lots of people, but definitely with the person they have an intimate relationship with. Otherwise it seems like being less than honest to me.
And to me - being honest is either hard wired or NOT hard wired into a person. I don't think most people who are dishonest or closed up change significantly. Not that they CAN'T change but I think their default - which is where people go when the going gets hard as it always will over a lifetime - is closing off.
Another big key - not the biggest but it's big - is shared values. I mean, if both parties are perfectly mutually respectful, you don't have to have this, but it sure does help keep things flowing more smoothly. And what people say and what they do often differ greatly, so look at what they DO.
It doesn't sound to me like your ex girlfriend is a fit for you. And believe me, there are women out there who ARE - unless of course you're a jacked up person but it really doesn't sound like you are. That being said, be sure you are grounded and happy and content in general before you inflict yourself on someone else - LOL!
Your plan sounds good by the way. No need to rush into anything other than getting her stuff out of your house and cutting those cords. THAT should be done quickly.
Just want to make known I am reading everyone's posts and taking it all into consideration.
Hugging and sniffing her stuff comment made me chuckle a bit Kathryn lol.
I won't be deciding anything until I'm done painting and re-flooring the house. It's going to take at least a couple more months anyway. Thankfully I have a cousin that is helping me at night and on weekends. I am also going to see what I can do about getting her stuff to her next week or asap. I've got two PTO days next week so we'll see what happens.
Lieneke, a couple of your posts have hit home somewhat with the exception of her ex. I'm not saying she is in contact with him nor do I think she is. I could be wrong but the way she talked about him she was afraid of him. I just happened to look at his facebook a couple days after she broke up with me and noticed that a couple months ago he was released and doing "better".
I was good to her. Maybe too good? I paid for literally everything since my salary doubled hers but she never asked for anything. I just did it because I wanted to. She was a good mother and her boys were really respectful and I enjoyed doing stuff for them and taking them on trips.
Just trying to stay on the positive side of things. We have a lot of good memories together and I learned quite a bit from the relationship. Even though it didn't work out I want to believe there was a reason she came into my life for a couple years. Yeah I know it's bs but hey, whatever works.
I think you're doing okay. Just an FYI, my family gave me a house. As a result of not having to pay rent or mortgage, I always have more pocket money and savings for extras. I can rent or sell the house and don't have to share with siblings, but I have chosen to live here for a couple of decades.
Hey guys, one last question. I've decided not to text her about the bedroom suite. I just don't want to contact her honestly. I'm going to give her to the end of the year to reach out and then I'm just going to sell it. I don't think she deserves anymore than that.
I am however going to box her other things and ship it to her. I work in IT and we always have older equipment that we give away when we no longer need them at work. I gave her oldest son who is about to go to college a laptop a couple months ago. I told him I was going to get him extra memory and a monitor to go with it. Well I didn't get a chance to do so. I was going to ship this stuff along with hers.
Her son and I had a good relationship and he was interested in going into the IT field like me. We have each other on snapchat and I thought I would just send a small message letting him know that I'm sending this stuff to him and to let me know when he received it. I don't feel like this would be crossing a boundary but I could be wrong?
Hey guys, one last question. I've decided not to text her about the bedroom suite. I just don't want to contact her honestly. I'm going to give her to the end of the year to reach out and then I'm just going to sell it. I don't think she deserves anymore than that.
I am however going to box her other things and ship it to her. I work in IT and we always have older equipment that we give away when we no longer need them at work. I gave her oldest son who is about to go to college a laptop a couple months ago. I told him I was going to get him extra memory and a monitor to go with it. Well I didn't get a chance to do so. I was going to ship this stuff along with hers.
Her son and I had a good relationship and he was interested in going into the IT field like me. We have each other on snapchat and I thought I would just send a small message letting him know that I'm sending this stuff to him and to let me know when he received it. I don't feel like this would be crossing a boundary but I could be wrong?
Thoughts?
I appreciate the thought, but I would advise you NOT to contact the son.
Just send what you think you should send and be done with it. He will know it's for him anyway.
Don't peek at her social media, the son's, or the ex's. Stop picking those scabs.
Hey guys, one last question. I've decided not to text her about the bedroom suite. I just don't want to contact her honestly. I'm going to give her to the end of the year to reach out and then I'm just going to sell it. I don't think she deserves anymore than that.
I am however going to box her other things and ship it to her. I work in IT and we always have older equipment that we give away when we no longer need them at work. I gave her oldest son who is about to go to college a laptop a couple months ago. I told him I was going to get him extra memory and a monitor to go with it. Well I didn't get a chance to do so. I was going to ship this stuff along with hers.
Her son and I had a good relationship and he was interested in going into the IT field like me. We have each other on snapchat and I thought I would just send a small message letting him know that I'm sending this stuff to him and to let me know when he received it. I don't feel like this would be crossing a boundary but I could be wrong?
Thoughts?
I don't think you would be because you're not trying to engage him or keep up a relationship. It's a nice thing for you to do.
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