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About a month ago my girlfriend of a year(known for 2 years, friend first year) whom I absolutely adored broke up with me. Honestly still not sure why it ended. I never got a clear answer and didn't want to keep pushing so I just let it be. Regardless, it hit me pretty hard and it's something I'm trying my best to deal with on a daily basis. It being the holidays hasn't made it any easier. I lost my dad around this same time 4 years ago and my mom 6 years ago.
My parents willed their house to me and I've been living in it ever since they passed. It's the house I grew up in so I have a lot of memories here. Lately I've had this overwhelming feeling of loneliness. Almost unbearable at times to the point I have actually just broken down in tears. This house is paid for but I've been thinking it's time to sell and move on. I think staying here is keeping me in the past. If I did sell I would give a third each to my two half brothers who live in different states.
So if I sell I will again have a mortgage. I have a good job and currently my commute is 1.5 hours each way but I do get to work from home a couple days a week. My manager whom is a friend as well really wants me to move closer to the office. It's the second biggest city in the state and one of the fastest growing in the US. Right now I live in the country and have some family and friends that live around me. I just don't feel like I fit in in this city and with the people. Sometimes I even feel alone in the office because me and my manager are in our mid 30s and everyone else is in their 20s.
I just don't know what to do anymore. One minute I feel like I've made a decision and the next day I don't feel the same about it. I'm so up and down about everything in my life right now.
About a month ago my girlfriend of a year(known for 2 years, friend first year) whom I absolutely adored broke up with me. Honestly still not sure why it ended. I never got a clear answer and didn't want to keep pushing so I just let it be. Regardless, it hit me pretty hard and it's something I'm trying my best to deal with on a daily basis. It being the holidays hasn't made it any easier. I lost my dad around this same time 4 years ago and my mom 6 years ago.
My parents willed their house to me and I've been living in it ever since they passed. It's the house I grew up in so I have a lot of memories here. Lately I've had this overwhelming feeling of loneliness. Almost unbearable at times to the point I have actually just broken down in tears. This house is paid for but I've been thinking it's time to sell and move on. I think staying here is keeping me in the past. If I did sell I would give a third each to my two half brothers who live in different states.
So if I sell I will again have a mortgage. I have a good job and currently my commute is 1.5 hours each way but I do get to work from home a couple days a week. My manager whom is a friend as well really wants me to move closer to the office. It's the second biggest city in the state and one of the fastest growing in the US. Right now I live in the country and have some family and friends that live around me. I just don't feel like I fit in in this city and with the people. Sometimes I even feel alone in the office because me and my manager are in our mid 30s and everyone else is in their 20s.
I just don't know what to do anymore. One minute I feel like I've made a decision and the next day I don't feel the same about it. I'm so up and down about everything in my life right now.
I can tell you from experience that selling the house is a smart idea. Different situation, but I lived in the house I was married in for 4 years after my divorce. It sucked. All my neighbor friends had stopped talking to me and I was all alone. Again, not your situation, but relate-able. I can't imagine living in my childhood house either with both of my parents being gone also. I would recommend moving. Also, why would you need to have a mortgage if your house is paid for? I assume higher housing prices in the city, but even so the mortgage would likely be small if you took the proceeds from your current house and put them into the new house. Don't worry about the mortgage. Mortgage rates are under 4%, so the interest piece will be small compared to history.
I can tell you from experience that selling the house is a smart idea. Different situation, but I lived in the house I was married in for 4 years after my divorce. It sucked. All my neighbor friends had stopped talking to me and I was all alone. Again, not your situation, but relate-able. I can't imagine living in my childhood house either with both of my parents being gone also. I would recommend moving. Also, why would you need to have a mortgage if your house is paid for? I assume higher housing prices in the city, but even so the mortgage would likely be small if you took the proceeds from your current house and put them into the new house. Don't worry about the mortgage. Mortgage rates are under 4%, so the interest piece will be small compared to history.
I was going to give the exact opposite advice.
Imagine the regret from selling a family home, when you miss it and the memories made there (which will happen). If a spouse eventually comes along, that would make selling easier probably but not while single and feeling unsure about life, which familiar surroundings at least provide stability in.
I say, stay in the house. Bank your money as much as possible. If/when you are with someone and the house doesn't make sense any longer, you will know. But you're already mourning something missing from your life...selling something stable and then missing *that too, seems very emotionally risky to me.
Imagine the regret from selling a family home, when you miss it and the memories made there (which will happen). If a spouse eventually comes along, that would make selling easier probably but not while single and feeling unsure about life, which familiar surroundings at least provide stability in.
I say, stay in the house. Bank your money as much as possible. If/when you are with someone and the house doesn't make sense any longer, you will know. But you're already mourning something missing from your life...selling something stable and then missing *that too, seems very emotionally risky to me.
I said to sell it because the OP is living in the past and I know all to well what that's like when the past is no longer reality. Staying in the house I was married in kept me stuck. Thats where my advice came from. I can see both sides, but I still think it would be wise to sell.
About a month ago my girlfriend of a year(known for 2 years, friend first year) whom I absolutely adored broke up with me. Honestly still not sure why it ended. I never got a clear answer and didn't want to keep pushing so I just let it be. Regardless, it hit me pretty hard and it's something I'm trying my best to deal with on a daily basis. It being the holidays hasn't made it any easier. I lost my dad around this same time 4 years ago and my mom 6 years ago.
My parents willed their house to me and I've been living in it ever since they passed. It's the house I grew up in so I have a lot of memories here. Lately I've had this overwhelming feeling of loneliness. Almost unbearable at times to the point I have actually just broken down in tears. This house is paid for but I've been thinking it's time to sell and move on. I think staying here is keeping me in the past. If I did sell I would give a third each to my two half brothers who live in different states.
So if I sell I will again have a mortgage. I have a good job and currently my commute is 1.5 hours each way but I do get to work from home a couple days a week. My manager whom is a friend as well really wants me to move closer to the office. It's the second biggest city in the state and one of the fastest growing in the US. Right now I live in the country and have some family and friends that live around me. I just don't feel like I fit in in this city and with the people. Sometimes I even feel alone in the office because me and my manager are in our mid 30s and everyone else is in their 20s.
I just don't know what to do anymore. One minute I feel like I've made a decision and the next day I don't feel the same about it. I'm so up and down about everything in my life right now.
I think you should see a therapist before making such a huge decision. Could make everything worse.
I said to sell it because the OP is living in the past and I know all to well what that's like when the past is no longer reality. Staying in the house I was married in kept me stuck. Thats where my advice came from. I can see both sides, but I still think it would be wise to sell.
Yes, I read that. And I think the situation is incredibly different. Losing a spouse (to divorce or illness) is traumatic- people don't get married with an intention to divorce. It's as much of a life change as death of parents, also traumatic, so I am not diminishing that. But, they are still very different situations.
This is a young-ish person who doesn't have many emotional attachments that could be considered stable, it sounds. So I think when personal emotional issues (loneliness) subsides, then a clearer mindset will be a better time to decide. To have 'nothing' familiar to come home to- no pun intended- might worsen loneliness, at least until there is a void filled in the way of a partner someday (which OP seems to miss).
Yes, I read that. And I think the situation is incredibly different. Losing a spouse (to divorce or illness) is traumatic- people don't get married with an intention to divorce. It's as much of a life change as death of parents, also traumatic, so I am not diminishing that. But, they are still very different situations.
This is a young-ish person who doesn't have many emotional attachments that could be considered stable, it sounds. So I think when personal emotional issues (loneliness) subsides, then a clearer mindset will be a better time to decide. To have 'nothing' familiar to come home to- no pun intended- might worsen loneliness, at least until there is a void filled in the way of a partner someday (which OP seems to miss).
Just my own opinion.
Well said. Can't argue with that. Maybe some therapy would help in his case, especially as it relates to losing the girlfriend.
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