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Regarding the ex and her belongings at my house. I've decided to box it all up and ship it to her. I need to get it out of my sight. She also has a brand new bedroom suite that is just sitting in my den at the moment that she had bought when we we're planning on moving her in. I thought I would put a letter in the box and to ask her to let me know what she wants me to do with it. I could either take it to her sister's house or I'll just buy it from her. Does that sound reasonable?
What I would definitely do is put a time line on it and minimize your interaction with your ex as much as possible.
I'd take it all over to her sister's house by the way - I wouldn't box it up and mail it to her. That takes time and money and she knows she left it. Which I think is pretty odd but anyway.
I think you should see a therapist before making such a huge decision. Could make everything worse.
This is good advice. You have to beware of "Geographical Escape", where someone moves away with the intention of getting rid of bad memories, only to find out the memories moved along with them, and nothing is accomplished from the move. Therapy is never a bad decision, getting a professional opinion can go a long way toward resolving any issues you have.
That being said. I would recommend volunteering in a capacity that helps those less fortunate than yourself. It will give you some perspective, keep you busy, provide you with human contact, and make you feel better about yourself.
What I would definitely do is put a time line on it and minimize your interaction with your ex as much as possible.
I'd take it all over to her sister's house by the way - I wouldn't box it up and mail it to her. That takes time and money and she knows she left it. Which I think is pretty odd but anyway.
She always brought an overnight satchel when she spent the night. She left that, couple pair of shoes, some clothing, a game I had bought for her son last Christmas and a monitor for her son's laptop we didn't need anymore at work. Plus the bedroom suite. She broke up with me on a Monday night over the phone and I haven't seen her since. She didn't leave the stuff here intentionally. I don't see it as really being odd.
Hey Kathryn, I don't know but I feel like that would make me look a bit petty. We didn't end on difficult or angry terms. We still have each other on social media since neither one of us has blocked the other. I just feel like doing that wouldn't be "me". Plus it's a nice bedroom suite and I'm going to need one once I'm done with one of the bedrooms. Wouldn't mind buying it from her.
But you posted this because you aren't happy with your life as is. It's time to do some things that "aren't you" for the sake of a healthier future.
Block her right now on all social media. It's not petty or mean. It's necessary for your emotional health. You just don't need that tie to her, and you don't need any reminders of her or what she's doing. She LEFT YOU. BY PHONE. Stand up for yourself and do what's necessary to shake some of this loneliness. Advocate for YOU. Be that friend you need until you find additional support.
Get rid of her stuff ASAP in a way that puts you in the least contact with her. Ship it today if you can. It may cost money and I get Kathryn's point about that but right now you need to make some symbolic gestures for yourself that represent a purge.
Out with the old, in with the new. It will open up brain and heart space for new things.
She always brought an overnight satchel when she spent the night. She left that, couple pair of shoes, some clothing, a game I had bought for her son last Christmas and a monitor for her son's laptop we didn't need anymore at work. Plus the bedroom suite. She broke up with me on a Monday night over the phone and I haven't seen her since. She didn't leave the stuff here intentionally. I don't see it as really being odd.
OK. I'm telling you, I see it as odd behavior, but then the whole thing sounds odd since you say you don't even know why she broke up with you and she broke up with you over the phone after being with you for at least a year.
Nothing but the bedroom suite sounds valuable. Personally I'd box up the small items, drop them off at her sister's house, tell her I'd done so and then ask what she intends to do about the bedroom furniture.
Or you can mail the smaller items to her if you like but it seems like an unnecessary expense. Whatever - I'd get them out of the house and then text her and let her know where the stuff is.
If she doesn't answer you quickly, as in a day or two, about the bedroom furniture, I'd say "Well, I didn't hear from you, so I'm just telling you that if you plan on keeping it, please make arrangements for pick up by (date no more than two weeks out). After that point, I'm going to assume you don't want it."
And I agree. Block her on social media WITHOUT USING ANY DRAMA. She can still reach you via email or (gasp) SNAIL MAIL.
And do not be calling her, or texting her, or allowing her to do the same to you, regarding ANYTHING other than making arrangements for this stuff. Nothing else. NOTHING ELSE.
As soon as the date passes for her to pick up the furniture, block her on your phone. Don't yell at her, don't fight with her, don't go around badmouthing her, don't tell your friends and family that you're blocking her - just do it quietly.
Hey Kathryn, I don't know but I feel like that would make me look a bit petty. We didn't end on difficult or angry terms. We still have each other on social media since neither one of us has blocked the other. I just feel like doing that wouldn't be "me". Plus it's a nice bedroom suite and I'm going to need one once I'm done with one of the bedrooms. Wouldn't mind buying it from her.
One day you're going to meet the right girl and she's going to ask about that bedroom suite. As soon as you say that an ex-girlfriend left it at the house, the new girlfriend is going to insist that you get rid of it. To move forward with a strong healthy frame of mind, you need to purge everything from the ex out of your life and house.
All bedroom suites are nice, but do you really need that? Why not get a perfect bed, use a dresser that's already in the house, and save your money until you meet the right woman. Let her choose a new bedroom suite after you are married.
Don't sell the house. It's yours and your parents obviously wanted to ensure that you always had a roof over your head. I suspect the real problem is that you expected to have a life with the ex. When she left, you mourned the loss of the lifestyle that you anticipated. You can still have that lifestyle and it will be a lot easier if your home is paid for.
I'm curious. How did she feel about the fact that selling the house meant splitting the proceeds with your two siblings?
One day you're going to meet the right girl and she's going to ask about that bedroom suite. As soon as you say that an ex-girlfriend left it at the house, the new girlfriend is going to insist that you get rid of it. To move forward with a strong healthy frame of mind, you need to purge everything from the ex out of your life and house.
All bedroom suites are nice, but do you really need that? Why not get a perfect bed, use a dresser that's already in the house, and save your money until you meet the right woman. Let her choose a new bedroom suite after you are married.
I like this idea best of all.
No bedroom suite in the world is nice enough under these circumstances.
One day you're going to meet the right girl and she's going to ask about that bedroom suite. As soon as you say that an ex-girlfriend left it at the house, the new girlfriend is going to insist that you get rid of it. To move forward with a strong healthy frame of mind, you need to purge everything from the ex out of your life and house.
All bedroom suites are nice, but do you really need that? Why not get a perfect bed, use a dresser that's already in the house, and save your money until you meet the right woman. Let her choose a new bedroom suite after you are married.
Don't sell the house. It's yours and your parents obviously wanted to ensure that you always had a roof over your head. I suspect the real problem is that you expected to have a life with the ex. When she left, you mourned the loss of the lifestyle that you anticipated. You can still have that lifestyle and it will be a lot easier if your home is paid for.
I'm curious. How did she feel about the fact that selling the house meant splitting the proceeds with your two siblings?
She really didn't have anything particular to say about it since I never spoke of selling the house.
Imagine the regret from selling a family home, when you miss it and the memories made there (which will happen). If a spouse eventually comes along, that would make selling easier probably but not while single and feeling unsure about life, which familiar surroundings at least provide stability in.
I say, stay in the house. Bank your money as much as possible. If/when you are with someone and the house doesn't make sense any longer, you will know. But you're already mourning something missing from your life...selling something stable and then missing *that too, seems very emotionally risky to me.
This.
Take some SNAPOUTOFIT. You have nothing but gravy ahead of you. The ex girlfriend doesn't matter. Get constructive, build on what you have. You're lucky, more so than most.
She really didn't have anything particular to say about it since I never spoke of selling the house.
Something about the situation doesn't sound right. My understanding is that you spent 4 years caring for your parents, you were single at the time. Then you met a nice woman who has a son. She has her own place, but she sometimes stayed at your house. A year later, after she had big furniture delivered to your house, she vanished without collecting her things.
I think it's best to box up all her things and arrange a time for her to collect them. I suggest that you have a friend with you when that happens. Return the furniture to where ever it came from.
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