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yeah that is my main motivation at the moment is pursuing finance and to get financial independence. Feel like women should come secondary that has always been my mentality, but at a certain point it be nice to be in a loving relationship. World is tougher when you have to go through it alone.
World is tough for certain. Unfortunately, in some cases, being in a relationship can make it even tougher (you wind up with a narcissist for instance).
Quote:
Originally Posted by fluffythewondercat
That's true. It's even worth practicing your smile in a mirror so you can be confident you don't look creepy.
Or be genuine with your smile. Smile for a reason. Nearly impossible to smile at random without coming across as...off.
I have similar issues in that its almost always uneducated and/or overweight women who are interested in me.
That is totally normal for everyone. 90% of the guys who hit on me are like that (or jobless/living with parents, in their 60s, etc). They usually have no shame, they just hit on anyone and don't mind to get rejected because they are used to it, they don't have pride or ego that gets hurt.
Being alone is not bad. Just need to learn to enjoy your company.
It took me years but I totally agree to this. I don't even want to travel with anyone anymore because I like doing whatever I want. Same for relationships, I don't want to make compromises anymore. I just started dating a guy I have had an eye on for a year. I am totally into him but I am hesitant to give up my freedom and slow down on my hobbies.
I'm 39, marginally self-sufficient but I feel like I'm losing the few friends I have and, I don't know why and my wife left me...I don't even really blame her. I feel like I am too old to make new friends and, often I think, if I met me, would I want me as friend? ...no...
I'm 39, marginally self-sufficient but I feel like I'm losing the few friends I have and, I don't know why and my wife left me...I don't even really blame her. I feel like I am too old to make new friends and, often I think, if I met me, would I want me as friend? ...no...
Seems like you have introspected well and have an accurate view of yourself. So if you are lonely, you will either have to change yourself to be more attractive as a potential friend. Or accept a lonely life and look for meaning in some other area. Either option is doable, although one will take more energy and more risk of rejection. Only you can determine if the payoff is high enough for the second option.
It is true that the older you get, the harder it is to make friends. We are less tolerant as we get older, and time becomes short, and precious, and we don’t want to waste it on people who don’t bring some pretty immediate value. That and the fact that survival takes a bigger and bigger bite out of our available time as our capabilities and capacities diminish with age.
Nonetheless, harder is not impossible. You can make friends as an old person over 60 if you really make the effort and bring some value to others.
I'm 39, marginally self-sufficient but I feel like I'm losing the few friends I have and, I don't know why and my wife left me...I don't even really blame her. I feel like I am too old to make new friends and, often I think, if I met me, would I want me as friend? ...no...
why did your wife leave you? I am 28 and me and my ex gf broke up so that hurt me. But I still have hope that I will find someone better.
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Drinking...... I know..... not everyone will agree..... Life's tough born and raised with a disability and then looking like a "plain jane" on the outside. Not everyone is fortunate to have a "social group" to fit in and go out doing fun things. I do have a boyfriend, whenever I'm with him, I don't drink. He's more important than my fix to alcohol. I really hate having a disability as I've felt it caused me to be more isolated.
I think that is the biggest part of my depression right now. Before it used to be not having a career and not being stable. Now its being lonely. Not having a spouse, having friends drift apart due to adulting in their lives. I am 28 years old so a lot of my friends are working professionals or in long term relationships. Makes me feel that I am not good enough. I have been in relationships and when they don't work out it sucks since relationships for me is few in between with long periods of being by myself. The only thing that keeps me going is I tell myself to focus on my education and trying to be the best version that I can be. Hopefully when I get to where I want in my life then it would be easier to date. I also plan to find some hobbies or something I am passionate about which would ease my loneliness. I feel that friends drifting apart is inevitable part.
Yes that often happens so you then have to make new friends. That's not hard to do at any age. How? You find people like you, your age range, in your similar situation, and they share your interests in hobbies or things to do. It's that simple. You are way over thinking this. Your job, income, status, etc has nothing to do with making friends. In fact focusing on those things will take time and effort away from making time for friends.
Only two things remove loneliness: people and pets. You have to be around them. Doing things CASUALLY of similar interests. A friend is someone you hang with casually to relax.
Drinking...... I know..... not everyone will agree..... Life's tough born and raised with a disability and then looking like a "plain jane" on the outside. Not everyone is fortunate to have a "social group" to fit in and go out doing fun things. I do have a boyfriend, whenever I'm with him, I don't drink. He's more important than my fix to alcohol. I really hate having a disability as I've felt it caused me to be more isolated.
A lot of people find social groups through work. If you would choose to work, you would meet more people.
Of course it is tough to meet new people if you do not work and have no hobbies that make you interact with others outside of the internet.
Drinking...... I know..... not everyone will agree..... Life's tough born and raised with a disability and then looking like a "plain jane" on the outside. Not everyone is fortunate to have a "social group" to fit in and go out doing fun things. I do have a boyfriend, whenever I'm with him, I don't drink. He's more important than my fix to alcohol. I really hate having a disability as I've felt it caused me to be more isolated.
Drinking is how I cope with being alone all the time also. I don't drink all the time, but definitely more on weekends. Just too depressing being alone all the time. Of course, I also cope with healthy things like working out and reading books, but drinking helps some, despite being a depressant. Just can't drink to the point of intoxication or its not worth it for me.
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