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I always thought it would be easier to date in more rural areas like that cause of less competition. A lot of the girls where I am at you need to be top guy with a lot of things going for you to have a shot.
I'm pretty much a loner with a wide circle of friends. My counterpart at work insists that I'm charismatic, but I'm really just a goofball that doesn't take offense at much and owns my dorkiness. I have a few nice features but I am not generally what someone would call "attractive" - overweight, weirdly shaped neck (it's a legit deformity according to one doctor) and prefer jeans and tshirts over dresses/skirts.
I've largely given up on dating - the annoyance factor was too great. And holy jesus, I am BAD at it. I'm not much of a joiner, so a lot of groups don't really work for me. Still, I can honestly say I have not been lonely in a very long time.
I have a social schedule that would horrify a true introvert (I'm an ambivert). I was looking forward to a quiet long weekend and whoops! I forgot about a ton of social commitments. Tonight I have flyball practice, tomorrow I have a writing session with a friend from my creative writing group at a coffee shop we both love and then later that day I'm headed to a friend's for drinks and to look at some yard furniture she wants to sell. Sunday and Monday are unscheduled, but I'll probably have dinner with a friend or do some dog training with another friend. I have to clean my house and write a short story for my writing group too.
I have a housemate now, but he has his own life. We sometimes eat together or share a pot of tea, but he's not a close friend or anything. I've gotten my friends in my new(ish) city through my writing groups, dog sports and just being open to meeting people when I'm at social events. I give anyone I hit it off with my number or friend them on facebook.
I host low-cost and low stakes gatherings at my house. I had a few people from my writing group over a bit ago to just have a writing session and talk - I put some cheese out with crackers and some heat-and-serve appetizers. They LOVED it. I loved it - my friends had a good time and I got to spend time with them. I'll do it again in a couple weeks probably, and later this month, I'm hoping to host something for my flyball club. Once my yard is done, I hope to host something like the low key parties I used to throw in my hometown - I'd invite EVERYONE. Cousins, high school friends, current and former coworkers, old neighbors, etc. It was such a weird clashing of worlds, but everyone got along. To this day, I take great delight in introducing friends from different parts of my life to each other and watching them hit it off. When I left my home town, my group of friends from my part-time bookstore job adopted my two besties from high school. It's been a decade since I left and they still hang out together.
You also gotta do the stuff to be a good friend. Even if you're not sure it will be reciprocated. Like shortly after I started talking more with a friend of a friend, I volunteered to help her move when she was making some big life changes and we've been close for the past decade. She visited me when I moved halfway across the country, and though I missed her wedding, I recently stayed with her while I was on a business trip, met her husband and had a lovely day out. I'm not saying be a doormat, but if a potential friend has a need that you can easily accommodate, extend yourself and see how things develop.
So find some hobbies, find some interests. I've actually just recently added a boardgame group to my list and can't wait to give it a try. And the local atheist group is showing some promise. So try new things! And be open to different types of people. I have a lot of friends that are much older or younger than me. I also have some friends who are moms to young children because they know I am perfectly happy to hang out with them while they are with their kids.
But even when it's just me in my house, I'm not lonely. I read a lot of books. I train my dogs. I cook. I write. And if I do need to reach out, I call a friend or message on facebook with friends that I know could be lonely or down (I check on my friends who have depression regularly - as they do with me).
I know it's harder for guys, but those are the things that have worked for me. My social circle has kinda been the work of my adult life, and it has brought me a lot of joy. I had NO social skills until after I turned 25. My existence was VERY lonely. It took a lot to get me to this point.
And what this point could probably be described as is "Human golden retriever that curses a lot"
WHY does everyone minimize the NORMAL feeling of wanting to have a significant other to share life with? There's absolutely nothing wrong in wanting a life partner to share life with... everyone always makes the person who is ready, eager and happy to share life with a partner feel guilty about that want and sincere desire... You can have everything, and feel "Complete" in your own company, but having a significant other to maximize that feeling is always rewarding... Enough of making the ones looking to share life with a partner feel guilty or in a "Wrong Frequency"
WHY does everyone minimize the NORMAL feeling of wanting to have a significant other to share life with? There's absolutely nothing wrong in wanting a life partner to share life with... everyone always makes the person who is ready, eager and happy to share life with a partner feel guilty about that want and sincere desire... You can have everything, and feel "Complete" in your own company, but having a significant other to maximize that feeling is always rewarding... Enough of making the ones looking to share life with a partner feel guilty or in a "Wrong Frequency"
No, you are 100% correct. I think it a million times better to be in a happy, committed, monogamous relationship. And I am a native loner, and there is nothing better than being part of a team with a romantic partner to face life together with. To have someone to eat with, sleep with, shop with, vacation with, go to friends houses with, screw around in the yard with. It’s SO MUCH BETTER than being alone.
I think that there are a lot of broken people in the world who don’t know how to relate to a partner and either can’t find someone, or won’t find someone. Often due to fear of intimacy and commitment.
Being in a committed relationship is probably the best thing on the planet for a human being. Life has accomplishment, ecstasy, death, illness, and everything in between. Facing that with a partner is infinitely better than facing it alone. And it’s not a close call or controversial. Being WITH someone blows away being a single wanderer through this journey of life.
YOU are right. THEY are wrong. The militantly single are broken people. Ignore them.
WHY does everyone minimize the NORMAL feeling of wanting to have a significant other to share life with? There's absolutely nothing wrong in wanting a life partner to share life with... everyone always makes the person who is ready, eager and happy to share life with a partner feel guilty about that want and sincere desire... You can have everything, and feel "Complete" in your own company, but having a significant other to maximize that feeling is always rewarding... Enough of making the ones looking to share life with a partner feel guilty or in a "Wrong Frequency"
Not minimizing it. But if you're unhappy because of crushing loneliness, you're not going to necessarily make the best decisions when seeking out a relationship. By all means, if a relationship is a priority, look for someone to be with, but it's going to be much harder if you're miserable while single.
I decided to work on myself a while ago. And it simply turned out that I had everything that was crucial for my happiness.
No, you are 100% correct. I think it a million times better to be in a happy, committed, monogamous relationship. And I am a native loner, and there is nothing better than being part of a team with a romantic partner to face life together with. To have someone to eat with, sleep with, shop with, vacation with, go to friends houses with, screw around in the yard with. It’s SO MUCH BETTER than being alone.
I think that there are a lot of broken people in the world who don’t know how to relate to a partner and either can’t find someone, or won’t find someone. Often due to fear of intimacy and commitment.
Being in a committed relationship is probably the best thing on the planet for a human being. Life has accomplishment, ecstasy, death, illness, and everything in between. Facing that with a partner is infinitely better than facing it alone. And it’s not a close call or controversial. Being WITH someone blows away being a single wanderer through this journey of life.
YOU are right. THEY are wrong. The militantly single are broken people. Ignore them.
What utter tripe. Let me go inform my friends who have severe physical disabilities or mental health problems and struggled with dating as a result that they will never know true happiness. That they're the "broken" people. Let me go tell anyone who is single that they never will know true happiness unless they have someone to play with in the damned yard.
Militantly single? Um, I stopped looking and I"m happy about it. And I remain open to possibilities. I hardly spent last night flinging molotov cocktails into romantic restaurants.
You have apparently found someone that you are happy with. Congratulations! And I mean that. However, given my wide circle of friends, I have many who are married and not all of them are happy. Some are quite unhappy. But they all went into marriage thinking they'd found "the one."
I have some friends who are delighted with being married and are in wonderful relationships. I revere those relationships and do everything I can to support them. They are, in my general experience, a happy melding of two amazing people who were lucky enough to find each other at the right time in their lives. Don't think for one measly second that I don't know what I have chosen to opt out of.
I also know a lot of amazing and very happy people who are single. Yep. After an emotionally abusive childhood (and adulthood, really) and a severe learning disability, I'm one of the "broken" people. I know what I'm capable of. I went from a socially terrified introvert that was a ball of anxiety, shame and depression to a social butterfly through a lot of work and study and reaching out. I had to teach myself how to be a friend because even eye contact was pretty darn scary to me until I was almost 30.
I dated. It was often lovely and often disappointing. I met some wonderful men who transformed me and some who were truly awful - also some who were simply "meh." I have struggled with depression and anxiety all my life, and emotional roller coasters are not good for me. So at 40, I decided I no longer needed to participate in the dating life in the hopes that it would pay off with some amazing jackpot. I already had the components for happiness in my life.
Maybe I am accepting some sort of halfway happiness, but it sure as hell doesn't feel like it. Feel free to take a steaming dump on that, but I wake up smiling every day and excited for what's to come and that's very hard won stuff.
Enough for now. I gotta go meet another "broken" single friend at a coffee shop. She's some 15 years older than me and struggled with major mental illness all her life. Lately she has seemed content and happy, and I respect the hell out of her. She's done what my British friend calls "the hard yards" to get where she is. Should I tell her she's broken and doesn't know true happiness because she's not in a (checks notes) "happy, committed, monogamous relationship"?
Being in a functional relationship is wonderful. But unless you're actually a functional person, it's not going to add to your happiness in the long run. Learn to be happy single. Learn to be functional and mentally healthy while single. Then, if you still want to, look for a relationship. I don't see where there's anything wrong with that advice.
What utter tripe. Let me go inform my friends who have severe physical disabilities or mental health problems and struggled with dating as a result that they will never know true happiness. That they're the "broken" people. Let me go tell anyone who is single that they never will know true happiness unless they have someone to play with in the damned yard.
Militantly single? Um, I stopped looking and I"m happy about it. And I remain open to possibilities. I hardly spent last night flinging molotov cocktails into romantic restaurants.
You have apparently found someone that you are happy with. Congratulations! And I mean that. However, given my wide circle of friends, I have many who are married and not all of them are happy. Some are quite unhappy. But they all went into marriage thinking they'd found "the one."
I have some friends who are delighted with being married and are in wonderful relationships. I revere those relationships and do everything I can to support them. They are, in my general experience, a happy melding of two amazing people who were lucky enough to find each other at the right time in their lives. Don't think for one measly second that I don't know what I have chosen to opt out of.
I also know a lot of amazing and very happy people who are single. Yep. After an emotionally abusive childhood (and adulthood, really) and a severe learning disability, I'm one of the "broken" people. I know what I'm capable of. I went from a socially terrified introvert that was a ball of anxiety, shame and depression to a social butterfly through a lot of work and study and reaching out. I had to teach myself how to be a friend because even eye contact was pretty darn scary to me until I was almost 30.
I dated. It was often lovely and often disappointing. I met some wonderful men who transformed me and some who were truly awful - also some who were simply "meh." I have struggled with depression and anxiety all my life, and emotional roller coasters are not good for me. So at 40, I decided I no longer needed to participate in the dating life in the hopes that it would pay off with some amazing jackpot. I already had the components for happiness in my life.
Maybe I am accepting some sort of halfway happiness, but it sure as hell doesn't feel like it. Feel free to take a steaming dump on that, but I wake up smiling every day and excited for what's to come and that's very hard won stuff.
Enough for now. I gotta go meet another "broken" single friend at a coffee shop. She's some 15 years older than me and struggled with major mental illness all her life. Lately she has seemed content and happy, and I respect the hell out of her. She's done what my British friend calls "the hard yards" to get where she is. Should I tell her she's broken and doesn't know true happiness because she's not in a (checks notes) "happy, committed, monogamous relationship"?
Being in a functional relationship is wonderful. But unless you're actually a functional person, it's not going to add to your happiness in the long run. Learn to be happy single. Learn to be functional and mentally healthy while single. Then, if you still want to, look for a relationship. I don't see where there's anything wrong with that advice.
Not going to sugar coat it. You can be varying levels of “content” or “perfectly fine” while alone. Sometimes there is no choice if you have mental health issues. But it will always be a diminished state compared to being happily married. That’s simply the highest and best state for a human being based on our nature as rational social animals. It’s just reality. It’s the ideal state. Existentially. Practically. Socially. Financially. It brings a little bit of everything we want as living beings. Entertainment, security, stability, peace, sex, tranquility, solidity, and most of all: fun!
And bringing up examples of where it didn’t work out has no bearing on the basic reality of it being the best and most ideal way to journey through life. The reason that almost everyone seeks it and chases it is because everyone knows it’s the best way to go. And that’s not controversial or arguable really.
Am I saying everyone has to have it? No, if you are too broken to have anything to offer, than being single is the best option, and you have to make the best of it. Romance is a 2-way value proposition. Both parties must be willing to be, and bring, their best selves in order to build something greater than the 2 parts. If someone has severe character faults, or addictions, or substance problems, or mental illness, or clinical depression, than they are not going to be able to bring value. And they probably should remain single. Because failure of the relationship is almost a guarantee.
Nobody is worth being loved for simply being in existence. No one is intrinsically valuable or lovable. You have to make yourself into someone worth being loved, and you have to bring those qualities to the table. If you can’t do that, or choose not to do that, than being single is the best option. If you are not willing to place a very high priority on the needs of your partner, than don’t bother looking for one.
Last edited by Marc Paolella; 02-15-2020 at 10:35 AM..
It took me years but I totally agree to this. I don't even want to travel with anyone anymore because I like doing whatever I want. Same for relationships, I don't want to make compromises anymore. I just started dating a guy I have had an eye on for a year. I am totally into him but I am hesitant to give up my freedom and slow down on my hobbies.
It took a few years for me and a combination of bad relationships as well as "revelations" to realize I'm better off by myself.
I'm pretty much a loner with a wide circle of friends. My counterpart at work insists that I'm charismatic, but I'm really just a goofball that doesn't take offense at much and owns my dorkiness. I have a few nice features but I am not generally what someone would call "attractive" - overweight, weirdly shaped neck (it's a legit deformity according to one doctor) and prefer jeans and tshirts over dresses/skirts.
I've largely given up on dating - the annoyance factor was too great. And holy jesus, I am BAD at it. I'm not much of a joiner, so a lot of groups don't really work for me. Still, I can honestly say I have not been lonely in a very long time.
I have a social schedule that would horrify a true introvert (I'm an ambivert). I was looking forward to a quiet long weekend and whoops! I forgot about a ton of social commitments. Tonight I have flyball practice, tomorrow I have a writing session with a friend from my creative writing group at a coffee shop we both love and then later that day I'm headed to a friend's for drinks and to look at some yard furniture she wants to sell. Sunday and Monday are unscheduled, but I'll probably have dinner with a friend or do some dog training with another friend. I have to clean my house and write a short story for my writing group too.
I have a housemate now, but he has his own life. We sometimes eat together or share a pot of tea, but he's not a close friend or anything. I've gotten my friends in my new(ish) city through my writing groups, dog sports and just being open to meeting people when I'm at social events. I give anyone I hit it off with my number or friend them on facebook.
I host low-cost and low stakes gatherings at my house. I had a few people from my writing group over a bit ago to just have a writing session and talk - I put some cheese out with crackers and some heat-and-serve appetizers. They LOVED it. I loved it - my friends had a good time and I got to spend time with them. I'll do it again in a couple weeks probably, and later this month, I'm hoping to host something for my flyball club. Once my yard is done, I hope to host something like the low key parties I used to throw in my hometown - I'd invite EVERYONE. Cousins, high school friends, current and former coworkers, old neighbors, etc. It was such a weird clashing of worlds, but everyone got along. To this day, I take great delight in introducing friends from different parts of my life to each other and watching them hit it off. When I left my home town, my group of friends from my part-time bookstore job adopted my two besties from high school. It's been a decade since I left and they still hang out together.
You also gotta do the stuff to be a good friend. Even if you're not sure it will be reciprocated. Like shortly after I started talking more with a friend of a friend, I volunteered to help her move when she was making some big life changes and we've been close for the past decade. She visited me when I moved halfway across the country, and though I missed her wedding, I recently stayed with her while I was on a business trip, met her husband and had a lovely day out. I'm not saying be a doormat, but if a potential friend has a need that you can easily accommodate, extend yourself and see how things develop.
So find some hobbies, find some interests. I've actually just recently added a boardgame group to my list and can't wait to give it a try. And the local atheist group is showing some promise. So try new things! And be open to different types of people. I have a lot of friends that are much older or younger than me. I also have some friends who are moms to young children because they know I am perfectly happy to hang out with them while they are with their kids.
But even when it's just me in my house, I'm not lonely. I read a lot of books. I train my dogs. I cook. I write. And if I do need to reach out, I call a friend or message on facebook with friends that I know could be lonely or down (I check on my friends who have depression regularly - as they do with me).
I know it's harder for guys, but those are the things that have worked for me. My social circle has kinda been the work of my adult life, and it has brought me a lot of joy. I had NO social skills until after I turned 25. My existence was VERY lonely. It took a lot to get me to this point.
And what this point could probably be described as is "Human golden retriever that curses a lot"
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ijazkhan01
WHY does everyone minimize the NORMAL feeling of wanting to have a significant other to share life with? There's absolutely nothing wrong in wanting a life partner to share life with... everyone always makes the person who is ready, eager and happy to share life with a partner feel guilty about that want and sincere desire... You can have everything, and feel "Complete" in your own company, but having a significant other to maximize that feeling is always rewarding... Enough of making the ones looking to share life with a partner feel guilty or in a "Wrong Frequency"
If anything, it NEEDS to be minimized. It's been overhyped to the point where people (guys) are killing (themselves, others) just because they can't get a date. I get it. Being single can suck, but it is not worth having a meltdown over.
However, there is nothing wrong with wanting to be in a relationship. And let's be honest, what those people were saying was probably giving you tips on what will increase your chances of being in a happy relationship. They probably weren't saying what they said to make you feel guilty about wanting to be a relationship. Everyone knows that it is a normal thing to desire a romantic relationship. We just have to keep ourselves in check.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marc Paolella
No, you are 100% correct. I think it a million times better to be in a happy, committed, monogamous relationship. And I am a native loner, and there is nothing better than being part of a team with a romantic partner to face life together with. To have someone to eat with, sleep with, shop with, vacation with, go to friends houses with, screw around in the yard with. It’s SO MUCH BETTER than being alone.
I think that there are a lot of broken people in the world who don’t know how to relate to a partner and either can’t find someone, or won’t find someone. Often due to fear of intimacy and commitment.
Being in a committed relationship is probably the best thing on the planet for a human being. Life has accomplishment, ecstasy, death, illness, and everything in between. Facing that with a partner is infinitely better than facing it alone. And it’s not a close call or controversial. Being WITH someone blows away being a single wanderer through this journey of life.
YOU are right. THEY are wrong. The militantly single are broken people. Ignore them.
...I'll get to that later.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JrzDefector
Not minimizing it. But if you're unhappy because of crushing loneliness, you're not going to necessarily make the best decisions when seeking out a relationship. By all means, if a relationship is a priority, look for someone to be with, but it's going to be much harder if you're miserable while single.
I decided to work on myself a while ago. And it simply turned out that I had everything that was crucial for my happiness.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JrzDefector
What utter tripe. Let me go inform my friends who have severe physical disabilities or mental health problems and struggled with dating as a result that they will never know true happiness. That they're the "broken" people. Let me go tell anyone who is single that they never will know true happiness unless they have someone to play with in the damned yard.
Militantly single? Um, I stopped looking and I"m happy about it. And I remain open to possibilities. I hardly spent last night flinging molotov cocktails into romantic restaurants.
You have apparently found someone that you are happy with. Congratulations! And I mean that. However, given my wide circle of friends, I have many who are married and not all of them are happy. Some are quite unhappy. But they all went into marriage thinking they'd found "the one."
I have some friends who are delighted with being married and are in wonderful relationships. I revere those relationships and do everything I can to support them. They are, in my general experience, a happy melding of two amazing people who were lucky enough to find each other at the right time in their lives. Don't think for one measly second that I don't know what I have chosen to opt out of.
I also know a lot of amazing and very happy people who are single. Yep. After an emotionally abusive childhood (and adulthood, really) and a severe learning disability, I'm one of the "broken" people. I know what I'm capable of. I went from a socially terrified introvert that was a ball of anxiety, shame and depression to a social butterfly through a lot of work and study and reaching out. I had to teach myself how to be a friend because even eye contact was pretty darn scary to me until I was almost 30.
I dated. It was often lovely and often disappointing. I met some wonderful men who transformed me and some who were truly awful - also some who were simply "meh." I have struggled with depression and anxiety all my life, and emotional roller coasters are not good for me. So at 40, I decided I no longer needed to participate in the dating life in the hopes that it would pay off with some amazing jackpot. I already had the components for happiness in my life.
Maybe I am accepting some sort of halfway happiness, but it sure as hell doesn't feel like it. Feel free to take a steaming dump on that, but I wake up smiling every day and excited for what's to come and that's very hard won stuff.
Enough for now. I gotta go meet another "broken" single friend at a coffee shop. She's some 15 years older than me and struggled with major mental illness all her life. Lately she has seemed content and happy, and I respect the hell out of her. She's done what my British friend calls "the hard yards" to get where she is. Should I tell her she's broken and doesn't know true happiness because she's not in a (checks notes) "happy, committed, monogamous relationship"?
Being in a functional relationship is wonderful. But unless you're actually a functional person, it's not going to add to your happiness in the long run. Learn to be happy single. Learn to be functional and mentally healthy while single. Then, if you still want to, look for a relationship. I don't see where there's anything wrong with that advice.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marc Paolella
Not going to sugar coat it. You can be varying levels of “content” or “perfectly fine” while alone. Sometimes there is no choice if you have mental health issues. But it will always be a diminished state compared to being happily married. That’s simply the highest and best state for a human being based on our nature as rational social animals. It’s just reality. It’s the ideal state. Existentially. Practically. Socially. Financially. It brings a little bit of everything we want as living beings. Entertainment, security, stability, peace, sex, tranquility, solidity, and most of all: fun!
And bringing up examples of where it didn’t work out has no bearing on the basic reality of it being the best and most ideal way to journey through life. The reason that almost everyone seeks it and chases it is because everyone knows it’s the best way to go. And that’s not controversial or arguable really.
Okay... If you were really happy in a relationship, would you really feel the need to go around pushing that so intensely to the point to call people who are your definition of militantly single "wrong" and "broken?"
You actually sound like you are trying to convince yourself that you are in a happy relationship. And I got news for you. Tons of broken people wind up in relationships. And it does not fix them, if anything, it brings out the true extent of their brokenness in some cases. That's not controversial or arguable really.
I doubt a real "happily married" person would go around saying crap like "If you're not happily married, then you're living a diminished life." Or resort to calling the "militantly single" (which are probably just people who are okay with being single) broken.
Here's the thing, I am happily single. Now, I'm not going to go around and tell married people that they shouldn't be in relationships or that they are missing out on something or even suggest that there is something wrong with them for being married and/or wanting to stay married. I have nothing personal to gain from that.
The happily married people I have observed on here and out in the world, they sometimes share some of the fun stuff they and their spouses do together and how happy they are. They never go around being... "YOU GUYS SHOULD GET MARRIED!!! IF YOU DON'T WANT TO, THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOU!!!"
If you're happily married, by all means share it, but to resort to putting down others for not being in a relationship and not seeking to be in a relationship communicates that maybe you are not so happy in your relationship.
You come off more like you have a deep seated belief that you made the wrong choice in getting married. Therefore, you are "shouting from the rooftops" that you made the right choice and that single people better "get with the program". Because if other people don't, you are going to lose your faith.
Now, I didn't say that's your mindset. But in my experience, the person who is the loudest in his profession of a certain faith is often the one who is the weakest in his faith, especially when he has to put down others.
If anything, it NEEDS to be minimized. It's been overhyped to the point where people (guys) are killing (themselves, others) just because they can't get a date. I get it. Being single can suck, but it is not worth having a meltdown over.
However, there is nothing wrong with wanting to be in a relationship. And let's be honest, what those people were saying was probably giving you tips on what will increase your chances of being in a happy relationship. They probably weren't saying what they said to make you feel guilty about wanting to be a relationship. Everyone knows that it is a normal thing to desire a romantic relationship. We just have to keep ourselves in check.
...I'll get to that later.
Okay... If you were really happy in a relationship, would you really feel the need to go around pushing that so intensely to the point to call people who are your definition of militantly single "wrong" and "broken?"
You actually sound like you are trying to convince yourself that you are in a happy relationship. And I got news for you. Tons of broken people wind up in relationships. And it does not fix them, if anything, it brings out the true extent of their brokenness in some cases. That's not controversial or arguable really.
I doubt a real "happily married" person would go around saying crap like "If you're not happily married, then you're living a diminished life." Or resort to calling the "militantly single" (which are probably just people who are okay with being single) broken.
Here's the thing, I am happily single. Now, I'm not going to go around and tell married people that they shouldn't be in relationships or that they are missing out on something or even suggest that there is something wrong with them for being married and/or wanting to stay married. I have nothing personal to gain from that.
The happily married people I have observed on here and out in the world, they sometimes share some of the fun stuff they and their spouses do together and how happy they are. They never go around being... "YOU GUYS SHOULD GET MARRIED!!! IF YOU DON'T WANT TO, THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOU!!!"
If you're happily married, by all means share it, but to resort to putting down others for not being in a relationship and not seeking to be in a relationship communicates that maybe you are not so happy in your relationship.
You come off more like you have a deep seated belief that you made the wrong choice in getting married. Therefore, you are "shouting from the rooftops" that you made the right choice and that single people better "get with the program". Because if other people don't, you are going to lose your faith.
Now, I didn't say that's your mindset. But in my experience, the person who is the loudest in his profession of a certain faith is often the one who is the weakest in his faith, especially when he has to put down others.
Tu quoque fallacy. You are talking about me, not what I said. I could have the most miserable relationship in the world, and the truth of what I am saying is unaffected. Concentrate on the philosophy, not on the interlocutors.
It’s a free country, you have a right to be single, or married. Do whatever you want. My opinion is that it is better and healthier in every possible way to be in a monogamous, committed, relationship with someone you love, and who loves you. And that you are diminished and reduced if you go through life alone. If you don’t like that, ignore it And stay happily single.
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