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hey sharpie, im in the exact same situation as you, 2 weeks to go and having serious doubts about getting married. The things is i'm with this girl for years and i've tried leaving her before but she always emotionally blackmailed me and said that ive ruined her life etc and then i always ended up taking her back after feeling sorry for her, only to feel the exact same way a few weeks later.
One day she said to me that she wouldnt go to my brothers wedding without a ring on her finger (engagement ring).
At the time i had a lot on my mind, i was working away from home, stressed over financial problems, as well as organising a stag and wedding stuff for my brother . I ended up buying her the engagement ring (mostly against my will) and she said we will announce our engagement after my brothers wedding.
After my brothers wedding i just couldn't even bring mySelf To get engaged , i packed my bags and moved out and told her this wasn't for me,
I then moved in with a friend who had a spare room and stayed there for 4 months while my girlfriend lived in the house that we both bought together.
All this happened last year and then last xmas ( XMAS EVE) i had to Go to my old houSe to pick up clotheS to go home to my family for the XmaS.
SHES FROM THE SAME HOME TOWN AS ME BUT AS OF THEN SHE STILL HADNT TOLD ANYBODY WE SPLIT, SHE WAS CRYING IN THE HOUSE AND SAID SHE WOULDNT BE GOING HOME FOR XMAS AND I THOUGHT SHE WAS GOING TO HARM HERSELF. I TOLD HER SHE HAD TO GET OUT OF THE HOUSE AND GO HOME AND SEE HER FAMILY, SHE THEN SAID HER LIFE WAS OVER, THAT AGAIN IVE RUINED HER LIFE ETC.
SHE WAS SUCH A MESS AND IT WAS XMAS EVE AND ME BEING THE SOFT PRICK I GAVE IN AND GAVE HER THE ENGAGEMENT RING AND BEFORE I KNOW IT EVERYTHING IS ORGANISED.
I HATE MYSELF FOR NOT STANDING MY GROUND, WHAT ARE MY OPTIONS IN THIS SITUATION?
Honestly, just break up. I married someone, who told me he had doubts when we got married, and I did the whole, beg, plead, talk to him about his fears, and he decided to go ahead and get married to me...and it was miserable. He never wanted to be married. I would have been much happier if he had dumped me and I could have found someone better than him.
Great job, Sharpie. Hope all is well and good with you all. I could not go through with it, which is why I postponed mine. But you give me hope, as long as you guys make it, of course lol . Congrats on your upcoming honeymoon! ENJOY!!!
thanks jasper i appreciate that, well the wedding isnt going ahead now, your probably right in what you say and i had that gut feeling myself, not only would i be miserable but id only make her feel the same way too, she keeps saying she loves me and really i dont know how she could.
I dont treat her bad or anything but when you love someone you always treat them better etc,
By the way one question for you jasper are you still with your husband and have you kids?
grow a backbone? lovemountains, ive been honest and staright up from the start. Its people who do bring this up before they get married are the ones with the backbones, they have the courage and balls to know theres something wrong and admit it, ive read every single post in these forums and its the people who have doubts and go through that regret it the most. What name have you got for these people?????
So im spineless because people like me care about people's feeling etc and than we genuinely give it a good chance to make it work and deep inside we know its wrong and tell people how itis. you cant criticize people for that.
Its people who go through with it get married have kids and then cheat on their partners for years through any means they can, they are the ones with no backbones!
lovemountains, ive read a lot of your posts and most of them are honest , straight talking and to the point and i do respect your point of view,
I have to say i agree with a lot of your posts on this topic. you know how to call a spade an spade anyways fareplay, Im sure you have plenty of life experiences along the way to generally know whats right and wrong, what fits and what doesnt fit.
Its hard to get my point across properly in what i posted , basically cos you can't fit the details of long relationship into a couple of lines of text
lovemountains, ive read a lot of your posts and most of them are honest , straight talking and to the point and i do respect your point of view,
I have to say i agree with a lot of your posts on this topic. you know how to call a spade an spade anyways fareplay, Im sure you have plenty of life experiences along the way to generally know whats right and wrong, what fits and what doesnt fit.
Its hard to get my point across properly in what i posted , basically cos you can't fit the details of long relationship into a couple of lines of text
Hi weddingbliss I was not trying to be rude when I said "get a backbone".
What I was saying was, find the courage to do what you know is right and break up with this girl.
Anybody having serious doubts like you is obviously not just suffering "cold feet". You already know what you need to do. And apparently since I made that post, you did do it.
I was just reacting to your strong statements and I hope you see that, okay? Let's review...
You said, "I'm having serious doubts about getting married.
...for years and i've tried leaving her before but she always emotionally blackmailed me and said that ive ruined her life etc and then i always ended up taking her back after feeling sorry for her, only to feel the exact same way a few weeks later.
I ended up buying her the engagement ring (mostly against my will)
I THOUGHT SHE WAS GOING TO HARM HERSELF. I TOLD HER SHE HAD TO GET OUT OF THE HOUSE AND GO HOME AND SEE HER FAMILY, SHE THEN SAID HER LIFE WAS OVER, THAT AGAIN IVE RUINED HER LIFE ETC.
SHE WAS SUCH A MESS AND IT WAS XMAS EVE AND ME BEING THE SOFT PRICK I GAVE IN AND GAVE HER THE ENGAGEMENT RING AND BEFORE I KNOW IT EVERYTHING IS ORGANISED.
I HATE MYSELF FOR NOT STANDING MY GROUND, WHAT ARE MY OPTIONS IN THIS SITUATION?"
Honestly honey, I only call 'em as I see 'em - not to be mean or rude, but to wake some people up by pointing out the obvious.
From your description of things this is not a good or healthy relationship for you and I wish you a lot of luck staying extracated from it
yeah its been said about cold feet but my feet have been cold for a very long time now. Some things are not meant to be and deep down i got the feeling that this whole situation just wasnt right. It has caused me a lot of stress for a long time now.
I really dont know how she could be happy either , she can clearly see how i feel, anytime i ask to talk about it its like she blanks me out and doesnt want to know.
Its a hard weekend for me , i just told my parents there and tomorrow i have to go down and explain to her parents as she still hasnt told them any of this.
I'll be the biggest bastard ever now for doing this but **** it life goes on, i didnt murder anyone at the end of the day
It is okay. You did the right thing for everyone. Don't feel badly, and don't let anyone guilt trip you. Make a clean break, don't try to be "friends", it won't work for anyone. You are going to be okay. I know that you are going thru pain, no one else will probably even acknowledge that, they will just see you as the villian, which makes it even worse for you. Don't doubt yourself. Move on. It is okay.
In answer to your question, I was married for 10 years, we had children. He never wanted to be married to me, I guess...so he was pretty mean to me most of the time, because he was so unhappy. Like, everything I did made him mad, because of his own frustration. The best day of my life is when I left him. I felt like a giant wieght came off of me, and I was finally free. I am really happy now. But it was a big waste of time for everyone.
grow a backbone? lovemountains, ive beenhonest and staright up from the start. Its people who do bring this up before they get married are the ones with the backbones, they have the courage and balls to know theres something wrong and admit it, ive read every single post in these forums and its the people who have doubts and go through that regret it the most. What name have you got for these people?????
So im spineless because people like me care about people's feeling etc and than we genuinely give it a good chance to make it work and deep inside we know its wrong and tell people how itis. you cant criticize people for that.
Its people who go through with it get married have kids and then cheat on their partners for years through any means they can, they are the ones with no backbones!
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I was not trying to be rude when I said "get a backbone". 
