Why acting aloof doesn't work (guy, attractive, different, reason)
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I agree with others, she might've been shy. It might've been worse if it was possible that she liked you. I have a crush on a guy at work and if he didn't get me talking first I never would've started. Now I'm pretty comfortable talking to him like it's nothing.
Why would the manager lie about something like that?
The question should be, what kind of manager would spread rumors about someone else's crush. Even if what she said was true, why did she need to tell you? This girl probably confided in her. Sounds like a gossiper to me.
Either way your interpretation of this girls behaviour may not necessarily be the reality anyway.
I agree with the OP that shyness in men and women is perceived differently in our culture.
Exactly. If I was the shy one, people would say "Get over your shyness. Women don't like shy guys". If the woman is shy, it's "She's just shy. Approach her". Why is it ok for a woman to be shy, but not a guy? Shy guys have issues, but shy women don't?
I agree with your conclusions. She snubs you if she likes you. Imagine how she will treat you if you went steady with her; she'd treat you like wretched sewer gas.
BTW the manager could have been lying to you; the girl who never spoke to you could have loathed you with a passion. The manager just wanted to patronize or humor you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by WakaFlocka
This happened to me at my last job. This one girl never spoke to me, didn't look at me, and pretty much ignored me. Everyone else was at least courteous enough to say hello and ask how I was doing.
When I saw one of the managers about a month later, she said the girl had a crush on me. I told her that she ignored me for 3 months and I assumed she was stuck up.
The moral, aloof doesn't work, especially if you're female. No one with an ounce of self-respect is going to approach someone that has ignored them for a significant period of time.
I think it's an indictment of the world we live in today. As guys, in today's world, you have to err on the side of caution when it comes to females...so if a girl is acting aloof, she COULD be just shy, but you as a guy have to assume that she really doesnt like you and you need to stay away, otherwise, you are asking to get shot down nastily or worse, labelled the stalker/creep/pervert...which we all know is the kiss of death to any guy's love life, because girls talk...
My aunt was telling us the story of how her husband won her over...she said that she initially didnt like him and deliberately acted hostile towards him...he was a persistent mf though, and kept on asking her out until he finally wore her down and she agreed to go out on a date...fast forward 30 years and they've been happily married ever since.
In today's world, if a guy kept talking to a girl who acted aloof/hostile towards him, he would probably be slapped with a restraining order and the tag of stalker/crazy/pervert to be avoided. This is the new reality for men. So this is why I fully understand where the OP is coming from...I'm glad I'm married, because it's a screwed up world for the single guys that's for sure.
The question should be, what kind of manager would spread rumors about someone else's crush. Even if what she said was true, why did she need to tell you? This girl probably confided in her. Sounds like a gossiper to me.
Either way your interpretation of this girls behaviour may not necessarily be the reality anyway.
What rumor? I wasn't working there anymore when I saw her. What does the manager have to gain by lying? My guess is she told me because I didn't work there anymore. She certainly didn't say anything when I was working there.
Why is it ok for a woman to be shy, but not a guy?
I don't know that people are saying that in this thread (maybe I missed it) though I do agree that that's how society views it.
I think most people are just puzzled why you made the thread about aloofness when that's not really the issue with that girl from the sounds of it.
Besides that, her shyness did end up hurting her as it led you to assume she wasn't interested and didn't like you, and rightfully so from your pt of view as you are not a mind reader.
This is a perfect example of why girls are told to learn how to lightly flirt and show some interest if they like a guy, otherwise assumptions are made, wrongly or rightly.
I agree that the woman in question was in all likelihood shy, not being intentionally rude or aloof.
And even if she did have a crush on you, crushes are many times silly little things. I've had crushes on the UPS guy or the barista at the coffee shop before, and it basically just meant I thought they were cute. Not that I wanted to talk to them or date them or sleep with them. It was just a flight of fancy.
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