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(Only speaking for myself because...intriguing question)
I myself HAD a type. My personality type is stronger than physical type. I say my type is influenced by experience. If I met someone who I got on with so well at some point, then anyone who reminds me of that person is going to be my "type". For me, personality is going to have an influence on how a person looks to me.
Right now, I'm thinking of a woman who I wasn't the least bit attracted to but she kept pursuing me. I eventually became physically attracted to her more than another woman who I was initially physically attracted to.
I can relate to that. I had a long time female friend pursue me recently. I had never even considered dating her. We dated briefly and it didn't end well, but the point is I became attracted to her as I got to know other parts of her personality. Now because of how it ended, I would once again never consider being with her and we may not even be friends now. Thats still an unknown. Also personality can either add or detract from physical attractiveness for me as well.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,962,945 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Atlguy39
But do you have a "type"? I definitely do. While I have strayed from my "type", it is what I find most attractive. I'm only speaking about physically. I have a type personality wise as well, so if the woman has both, its ideal.
Nope. All over the map. My last few significant relationships are exceedingly different in height (from 6'1" to 4"10"), hair color, body types, ethnicities and even more so, fashion sense wise.
Nope. All over the map. My last few significant relationships are exceedingly different in height (from 6'1" to 4"10"), hair color, body types, ethnicities and even more so, fashion sense wise.
I think you're different from most men in this regard. The good news is you have tons of options if you have no type. I'm not very selective on height, or to a lesser extent hair color (though I have a strong preference for brunettes). Latin was always my favorite ethnicity, but I won't end up with one, unfortunately. Body type for me is the most strict of all because I need a woman who shares my fitness/health lifestyle.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,962,945 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by Atlguy39
I think you're different from most men in this regard. The good news is you have tons of options if you have no type. I'm not very selective on height, or to a lesser extent hair color (though I have a strong preference for brunettes). Latin was always my favorite ethnicity, but I won't end up with one, unfortunately. Body type for me is the most strict of all because I need a woman who shares my fitness/health lifestyle.
Well, I do too. But I've learned there are tons of lean/thin women who are quite out of shape, and many a thicker/curvier women who are in great shape. I have zero problem being the one that outwardly looks like they're in better physical condition, which is often the case. While its nice to have someone who is into doing bricks, or 10ks, or whatever, I have other friends to do that with if its not their thing. No biggie.
I think you're different from most men in this regard. The good news is you have tons of options if you have no type. I'm not very selective on height, or to a lesser extent hair color (though I have a strong preference for brunettes). Latin was always my favorite ethnicity, but I won't end up with one, unfortunately. Body type for me is the most strict of all because I need a woman who shares my fitness/health lifestyle.
I definitely want the woman I'm with to be healthy simply for the fact that I don't want to lose her.
Last edited by TJenkins602; 02-04-2020 at 11:20 AM..
Reason: Wording.
Nope. All over the map. My last few significant relationships are exceedingly different in height (from 6'1" to 4"10"), hair color, body types, ethnicities and even more so, fashion sense wise.
I'm glad this has been brought up. For me, it starts with the eyes and the smile, followed by intellect and witty personality. Hair colour (or lack of hair), skin colour, height, weight, it's all secondary. I've never understood anyone who could only find one specific look attractive.
Yes, its good to just vent about things on occasion, and to not feel alone, knowing bad things happen to everyone sometimes.
Its common to feel guilty or ashamed about it sometimes, like we must have caused it, we are damaged now, etc., but with good support from people we can let go those things. Im starting to feel less self blame and guilt over it and consider that a big step forward in the healing process.
Thank you for being supportive.
Yeah, that is the part I hate. I get that icky guilt and shameful feeling. Also, the dehumanizing feeling, too.
I sure have worked very hard overcoming my own shyness. I routinely make myself do things that scare me, from comedy classes to Dale Carnegie to meetups. I've gone on a singles cruise alone, taken other vacations alone, etc. I haven't done as much of these things recently, in part because I was in a relationship for a while, but I do them. I've had extroverts who aren't shy tell me they couldn't do a lot of the things I've done. Still, I live in the wrong part of the country for it to help me. The other issue I mentioned in another thread is people don't date with intention anymore, its all casual. I'm like an outlier as far as thats concerned. Anyway, one of these days I'll move and all my hard work will pay off, I hope.
FWIW, I believe that while some people really are very dead-set about keeping their love life casual, some just put that out there so that they won't feel rushed or pressured. Remember how I've said before that meeting a guy on OLD who was very straightforward about wanting a wife, was intensely offputting to me? And how a lot of that can feel like putting the cart before the horse? Like do you want me, or just some woman shaped entity who fits a vague description to slot into your "Wife" equipment space on your character sheet? I might have said that I was keeping things casual, and I had reason to do so, but when the right person came into my life, and we really started clicking more and more.... Now we are engaged!
If he'd said, that first night, that he was looking for a wife, I probably would have run.
But! If he had said, "I get that you're keeping things kinda casual right now. I respect that, may I ask what's behind that decision? No pressure, just curious." Or if he'd asked whether I might one day, if I'd bonded with someone and we both loved one another intensely and it all seemed like a great idea logistics wise, if I would ever consider remarrying? Those kinds of questions I would have answered honestly, and it would have revealed that in fact I am not in a state of total opposition to commitment and marriage, but I need to take TIME to know that I'm making the right choice, for a bunch of good reasons.
I think that probably there are quite a few casual "daters" out there, who might be open to a serious relationship if the stars all aligned. But most people...well, at least most women...are not going to advertise "Seeking Husband!" because then the first guy who comes along who wants a wife will get mad if we don't like him specifically. No, no, you said you wanted a husband, I'm a nice guy, how dare you refuse me! Like we're kind of sensitive to being cornered by our own words and actions, because that kind of thing is thrown at us a lot, in various contexts. Just like even a really horny woman who really wants to get laid, is somewhat less than likely to just announce it at the bar.
I've never in my life met a woman who had no standards whatsoever, or who was fine with just letting the first guy who came along and offered for her, have whatever he wants. Whether that's sex, marriage, whatever.
Even a prostitute will sometimes refuse a paying customer. Seriously. There's a funny story about my Ex, but I don't wanna get into all that.
FWIW, I believe that while some people really are very dead-set about keeping their love life casual, some just put that out there so that they won't feel rushed or pressured. Remember how I've said before that meeting a guy on OLD who was very straightforward about wanting a wife, was intensely offputting to me? And how a lot of that can feel like putting the cart before the horse? Like do you want me, or just some woman shaped entity who fits a vague description to slot into your "Wife" equipment space on your character sheet? I might have said that I was keeping things casual, and I had reason to do so, but when the right person came into my life, and we really started clicking more and more.... Now we are engaged!
If he'd said, that first night, that he was looking for a wife, I probably would have run.
But! If he had said, "I get that you're keeping things kinda casual right now. I respect that, may I ask what's behind that decision? No pressure, just curious." Or if he'd asked whether I might one day, if I'd bonded with someone and we both loved one another intensely and it all seemed like a great idea logistics wise, if I would ever consider remarrying? Those kinds of questions I would have answered honestly, and it would have revealed that in fact I am not in a state of total opposition to commitment and marriage, but I need to take TIME to know that I'm making the right choice, for a bunch of good reasons.
I think that probably there are quite a few casual "daters" out there, who might be open to a serious relationship if the stars all aligned. But most people...well, at least most women...are not going to advertise "Seeking Husband!" because then the first guy who comes along who wants a wife will get mad if we don't like him specifically. No, no, you said you wanted a husband, I'm a nice guy, how dare you refuse me! Like we're kind of sensitive to being cornered by our own words and actions, because that kind of thing is thrown at us a lot, in various contexts. Just like even a really horny woman who really wants to get laid, is somewhat less than likely to just announce it at the bar.
I've never in my life met a woman who had no standards whatsoever, or who was fine with just letting the first guy who came along and offered for her, have whatever he wants. Whether that's sex, marriage, whatever.
Even a prostitute will sometimes refuse a paying customer. Seriously. There's a funny story about my Ex, but I don't wanna get into all that.
I have never, ever lead with "I want to find a wife and be married" on a date. No way. Saying it here and saying it out loud in real life are 2 different things. So I certainly agree with what you wrote here, except maybe for the casual dating part. Of course, that is also more common with millennials than any other age group.
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