Why do guys even bother with online dating? (seeking, close, age)
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Yea. I see lots of the same very good looking women on the same dating sites for years. And there is no question they are receiving tons of messages. Especially in the big sausage fest city I live in. It bewilders me as to why they haven’t picked one of the bigger, better deals they appear to be holding out for. My only guess is that giving up all that attention would be like trying to give up a heroin addiction. Probably having a blast. And lots of boy toys. Lol. Well I guess average to below average men are somewhat doomed in today’s dating realm. As for me, I am completely happy with average to even below average looking ladies. As far as looks, my thing is a half way decent figure, and I like them all sizes, except for really obese... and a decent butt always helps.
It seems like most guys who use online dating will never get a date, even if they message 1000 different girls. If you are not very attractive and have a good paying job, most women wouldn't even bother with you. It seems like a waste of time and money for most guys since women can be extremely selective.
I put my profile on match and got a doz hits instantly.
I'm not well off or especially good looking but I do have personality.
The best female profiles don't post public, their profiles are private ,
they just peruse profiles, then send a pic later.
They are the astute ones, they're the keepers.
A lot of them complained the guys are creepy or not comfortable with themselves.
If theres something amiss in a guys character, a woman will sense it.
In the end I married a demure chinese woman.
We didn't care about common interests, we both sought common values.
Yea bottom line also is that men who are pretty average in looks, really are not going to have a real fun time on dating sites. Women get upwards of over 50 messages a week. I knew one that got over 50 in a day.
Yep, that's pretty much standard. A woman can be quite average looking. Usually they aren't paid much mind to in real life, but when they go online, they get tons of messages and of course, an ego boost. I think there's a good chunk of the population on dating sites not willing to meet anyone in person, but to only seek attention and validation and nothing more. To get that dopamine fix.
Also, I'm seeing more and more women have just "Ask me" or "Just ask" in their descriptions. That shows very little effort they are even willing to put into dating. Sadly some are even school teachers.
I could be totally wrong about this being a straight male, but as a general rule of thumb I believe that there is a much greater percentage and pool of good looking women, then good looking men, which really puts the ball in a women's court. If the opposite were true, then men could afford to be more choosy and particular in whom they choose to date and interact with.
A women who is viewed as attractive by her boyfriend, probably 80-90% of men would agree on her level of attractiveness.
A man who is viewed as attractive by his girlfriend, probably only 40-50% of her girlfriends would agree to his level of attractiveness.
Yep, that's pretty much standard. A woman can be quite average looking. Usually they aren't paid much mind to in real life, but when they go online, they get tons of messages and of course, an ego boost. I think there's a good chunk of the population on dating sites not willing to meet anyone in person, but to only seek attention and validation and nothing more. To get that dopamine fix.
Also, I'm seeing more and more women have just "Ask me" or "Just ask" in their descriptions. That shows very little effort they are even willing to put into dating. Sadly some are even school teachers.
I actually think that would make sense in the case of school teachers.
They don't want to spill a bunch of personal information on a page that could be seen by anyone. In case you were not aware, high school level students absolutely lie about their ages and get onto dating sites. One of my sons did. I can only IMAGINE the hooplah if they found one of their teachers on there. Anything she said, no matter how innocuous, would be turned against her.
Ugh. High school. *shudder* There is not enough money in the world to interest me in teaching other people's children.
And any hint that an adult (male or female) who works with kids, has a sexual aspect to them at all whatsoever, and they're destroyed professionally. Honestly if I were a teacher, I would not be brave enough to use OLD at all.
Annnyhow...
I wanted also to say that one must remember when using dating sites, you are not just competing fairly in a market of profiles to engage with a pool of other profiles, you're also involved with whatever algorithms the site might be using. Possibly swimming upstream against them. I know that when I was doing OKC, granted it was ages ago, but if you did not update your profile semi-frequently with new pics, new content, and/or new answers to their million-personal-question-interrogation thing...then you'd get bumped to the bottom of the heap. People wouldn't necessarily even SEE you. And new profiles get the most "promotion" so to speak, I think.
Yep, that's pretty much standard. A woman can be quite average looking. Usually they aren't paid much mind to in real life, but when they go online, they get tons of messages and of course, an ego boost. I think there's a good chunk of the population on dating sites not willing to meet anyone in person, but to only seek attention and validation and nothing more. To get that dopamine fix.
Is this even true across the board, though? I'm one of those women who doesn't stop traffic in real life, and when guys lay it on thick online, I'm not flattered, I'm put off. I know where I stand and what my own strengths are. It's not an ego boost and it's not good attention. I value sincerity as much online as I do in the real world.
Last edited by fleetiebelle; 04-14-2020 at 10:35 AM..
Is this even true across the board, though? I'm one of those women who doesn't stop traffic in real life, and when guys lay it on thick online, I'm not flattered, I'm put off. I know where I stand and what my own strengths are. I value sincerity as much online as I do in the real world.
*nods*
My reaction to online flattery has always been the same.
It's about like when those guys who set up to sell cable or satellite TV at Walmart say, "Hi! How are you today?" or a guy at the mall working at a kiosk steps out and tries to speak to me as I walk by.
Obviously they have an agenda. Obviously they're trying to sell me something.
Like a non-stop infomercial for the D. No dopamine rush, any more than one would get from receiving Val-Pack coupons, you're not going to be excited you got a letter when it's junk mail.
LOL!
Ha!
JUNK MAIL. As in...
God, sorry, I'm dying over here. What a great pun, that's made my day.
From now on, flattering messages online that men send in the hopes of getting a woman to service his junk, shall now be known as "junk mail."
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Another month/year, same old crud.
The reality remains, the vast majority of people are average looking on the bell curve spectrum. Men and women. OLD is popular because it works well. If it didn't, and other options were superior, people wouldn't bother. Simple as that.
Fact remains, pics might make someone swipe, but for most, unless they're just looking for a tonight lay, that's not enough to meet (and even then, bad politics or poor physical attributes are often a dealbreaker). Both among my male and female friends, its probably 1 in 20 to 1 in 30 "connections" from tinder, bumble, hinge whatever that ever get to be worth meeting. The person is boring, no shared interests, bad politics, no personality via the written word expressed, too far, other things come up, incompatible lifestyles, whatever. Then you meet, and only a relatively small percentage of those is there going to be a connection with.
Advice as always, focus on your people. Don't invest emotionally or mentally in people you haven't met. Have no or very low expectations. Its about having fun. If you meet, and there is a connection, and its fun and there is laughter and you make each other think and have good discussions with humor, and there is chemistry, the rest happens naturally. Same as meeting any other way.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by folkguitarist555
Yea. I see lots of the same very good looking women on the same dating sites for years. And there is no question they are receiving tons of messages. Especially in the big sausage fest city I live in. It bewilders me as to why they haven’t picked one of the bigger, better deals they appear to be holding out for.
The "bigger better deals" are few & far between tho.....& we should all be picky & never settle. Quality over quantity. Getting lots of attention from guys you aren't interested in or would never date is not fun or interesting.....it's annoying & even scary sometimes.....so most of us take precautions when you hear about the stuff that goes on.
Fun is getting attention from a man you could really fall for & my fiance felt the same way because he used to get lots of attention online too. IMO single people with good jobs that have no children date more.......not the men living in their mom's basement or they have 3 exes & 3 kids & work part time at the gas station. It's not all about looks or unwanted attention.
....Advice as always, focus on your people. Don't invest emotionally or mentally in people you haven't met. Have no or very low expectations. Its about having fun. If you meet, and there is a connection, and its fun and there is laughter and you make each other think and have good discussions with humor, and there is chemistry, the rest happens naturally. Same as meeting any other way.
Agreed! It all changes with in-person meeting. The best connection I’ve had was with someone who doesn’t communicate well via texting. I almost passed, thinking: “sheesh, is this guy illiterate or something?” In person though, it was definitely there. Chemistry, it’s illusive.
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