SO, I'm waiting until marriage to have sex... (college, advice, friends)

[SD4020]

Originally Posted by NoDoubt1993

and it's apparent that it makes me VERY unique! I'm 18, a college freshman, and I don't want to share that part of myself with someone until marriage. And yet, I seemed to be "looked down" upon for that...it has definitely made a difference in the number of guys who want to ask me out, and I'm okay with that. But, it's just frustrating to know that I'm in the minority.

Vent over.

Good for you! Don't let anyone diminish your stand.

Knight... Noble notion, albeit somewhat short sighted.

[The Dissenter]

Originally Posted by Knight2009

The answer is simple: for love Love of much more than just her body...total and utter, complete love and devotion of everything about her, body, spirit, and soul. Knowing that you love her enough to lovingly respect and cherish her body, not just for now, but for all eternity, till death do us part. Real, genuine love isn't something that needs to "pass a bedroom test" either (at least in MHO).

I can see your point. If you get someone who you totally adore for their personality and what they bring to the table in all aspects of life, I think that can overcome mediocre bedroom skills.

[Lamplight]

Originally Posted by Knight2009

I have nothing but respect and genuine admiration for OP's beliefs. She knows exactly what she wants and needs from a relationship emotionally, and is confident enough to be true to herself despite peer pressure. I say all the more kudos to her!

As to the bolded portion of the post above: FWIW, I am a guy in my early-30s, and am 100% (voluntarily) pre-maritally celibate and virginal...lol so we do exist, you see! For me, full physical intimacy is not gonna happen without a wedding vow taking place first

Don't get me wrong, I certainly respect yours and the OP's decisions. And the fact you've made it this far is no small feat, as sexual temptation is incredibly hard to resist. I'm downright impressed by it, in fact. Maybe asking you would be better since the OP doesn't seem to be responding anymore.

1. Would you refuse to marry someone who isn't a virgin?
2. Would you marry someone who had been a virgin until her first marriage, but had been married and divorced (and obviously had sex with her first husband).

When I was younger I fully intended to wait until marriage, and these were questions I occasionally asked myself.

[The Dissenter]

Originally Posted by Lamplight

Don't get me wrong, I certainly respect yours and the OP's decisions. And the fact you've made it this far is no small feat, as sexual temptation is incredibly hard to resist. I'm downright impressed by it, in fact. Maybe asking you would be better since the OP doesn't seem to be responding anymore.

1. Would you refuse to marry someone who isn't a virgin?
2. Would you marry someone who had been a virgin until her first marriage, but had been married and divorced (and obviously had sex with her first husband).

When I was younger I fully intended to wait until marriage, and these were questions I occasionally asked myself.

From a "purity" perspective, both situations would likely be fine. The first one personally I wouldn't mind if that was her some time back but is serious about being "pure" in the present. The second one would not really be much trouble. The sex took place in the confines of marriage so there is no "sin."

[Phoenix2017]

Many thanks for the kind words Lamplight To try to answer your questions below, as requested:

Originally Posted by Lamplight

1. Would you refuse to marry someone who isn't a virgin?

2. Would you marry someone who had been a virgin until her first marriage, but had been married and divorced (and obviously had sex with her first husband).

When I was younger I fully intended to wait until marriage, and these were questions I occasionally asked myself.

1. No I wouldn't refuse to marry someone who wasn't a virgin, although I would hope they could understand and respect my need to remain a virgin until after she and I were married. With the above met, it is not an issue for me.

2. Divorce is a tricker question for me...it would largely depend on the particular circumstances of the divorce. For example, if she divorced her first husband b/c he abused her or cheated on her, I don't think it would be an issue for me. If the divorce was for lesser or much more frivolous reasons, then it could become a problem for me.

[NoDoubt1993]

Originally Posted by knight2009

the answer is simple: For love love of much more than just her body...total and utter, complete love and devotion of everything about her, body, spirit, and soul. Knowing that you love her enough to lovingly respect and cherish her body, not just for now, but for all eternity, till death do us part. Real, genuine love isn't something that needs to "pass a bedroom test" either (at least in mho).

ita!

[the nation is still angry]

good luck.

[Lamplight]

Originally Posted by Alanboy395

From a "purity" perspective, both situations would likely be fine. The first one personally I wouldn't mind if that was her some time back but is serious about being "pure" in the present. The second one would not really be much trouble. The sex took place in the confines of marriage so there is no "sin."

I mainly asked because when I was younger and very religious, marrying someone who wasn't a virgin was a big no-no. In that particular denomination the only legitimate grounds for divorce was an unfaithful spouse, so if she had divorced for any other reason then she was off limits. After I became non-religious and grew older, I realized that the number of single ladies near my age was dwindling VERY rapidly and the few who remained were,

a) Definitely not virgins
b) Simply not attractive to me at all
c) Had divorced for many reasons that may or may not include infidelity

No longer being religious, A and C aren't deal breakers for me now, but if they still were the number of available women close to my age would be very near zero. The chances of meeting the few who would qualify would be incredibly slim. It's already incredibly rare for me to meet a woman I'm at all attracted to, let alone one who's not married. Throw in the other two requirements and the fact that the lady would also have to find me attractive, and the odds drop even further. If not zero then incredibly close to it.

[snofarmer]

If 50% of marriages or more end in divorce, what does your 2nd, 3rd, 4th husband get?

Doesn't mean you have to give it away to everyone.

Virginity it's just a romantic notion or a control used by the church.

Your choice.

[UnexpectedError]

Originally Posted by Coldjensens

My daughter is doing that. Her boyfriend is as well. She has never had any problem with guys respecting her choice. She wears a promise ring. It is obvious. No one has any surprise expectations.

Everyone that I know that decided to have sex in high school or college regretted their choice later. Anyone who has ever said anyhting has always said "I wish I had waited. It was not worth it." and often added "He turned out to be a jerk"

Really? Do you know anyone outside of your religious community?

People who take sex too seriously are the ones who live in regret. You put it up on this impossible pedestal and of course you're going to be let down. Sex is a significant act, no doubt, but it shouldn't be the most important thing in your life.

You should have sex when it feels right and if you think that's in the binds of matrimony, well, I think you're naive. I know several people who rushed into marriage because they wanted to have sex and now they are living with the consequences. Waiting works for some people but most would to better by test driving the car before buying.