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If this is your only complaint, you're doing well.
Is there some insecurity on your part for absolutely needing him to initiate the "I like you" conversations? As someone (female) who does not like to talk about feelings, I can assure you that the more you push him, the less likely he will be to do it.
Well, Sierra, that's a little over the top. A lot over the top, actually. Anybody would be running...or I hope most people would be running at a big red flag whipping in the breeze like that.
Well, I was married to him. That isn't the reason I left, of course. Had it not been for other things, I would've appreciated the notes, but I do realize that's not what most men do.
Well, I was married to him. That isn't the reason I left, of course. Had it not been for other things, I would've appreciated the notes, but I do realize that's not what most men do.
It's not what most women do, either! It's just over-the-top behavior...to me. But again, it comes down to the level of that type of communication a person needs.
In the OP's case, she's getting the extreme opposite of what you describe. I believe there's a middle ground. A person who rarely likes to show affection, and one who sends a love letter daily, are both extremes.
If this is your only complaint, you're doing well.
Is there some insecurity on your part for absolutely needing him to initiate the "I like you" conversations? As someone (female) who does not like to talk about feelings, I can assure you that the more you push him, the less likely he will be to do it.
Thats the thing. I dont want to push him. Maybe he doesnt know im the type of person who likes verbal affection too (and not just physical). Id just like him to know thats its the way i am, and thn its up to him if he can deal with it or not.
It's not what most women do, either! It's just over-the-top behavior...to me. But again, it comes down to the level of that type of communication a person needs.
In the OP's case, she's getting the extreme opposite of what you describe. I believe there's a middle ground. A person who rarely likes to show affection, and one who sends a love letter daily, are both extremes.
Find the middle ground, OP.
IMO, showing affection and constantly "talking" about feelings are two entirely different animals. I'm very affectionate, but I'm not big on "talking" about feelings myself, so maybe I don't quite understand it.
Maybe he doesnt know im the type of person who likes verbal affection too (and not just physical).
Yes he does. In your OP you said:
Quote:
I asked him on the 6th date to be a bit more open about his feelings and he told me that its just the way he is, that he doesnt like to talk about sentimental stuff and that guys are simply like that.
He does know. You told him. And he flat-out, no holds barred told you it's not going to happen. Don't do this to yourself, OP. He's doing you a kindness. He's telling you straight up that this is how it will be; he isn't stringing you along with false promises or lip service or anything. He doesn't sound like a bad guy; just a guy who's lacking one component that's essential to you.
IMO, showing affection and constantly "talking" about feelings are two entirely different animals. I'm very affectionate, but I'm not big on "talking" about feelings myself, so maybe I don't quite understand it.
Maybe. The OP did specify verbal affection, v. physical. She made that clear. Unfortunately, her boyfriend made it equally clear that that's just not him. And he doesn't understand her need, either, as he stated that all guys are that way.
No two people are exactly the same way. It sounds like these two care about each other but there's a big gap there and I'm suggesting to the OP from experience that she won't begin to feel better about the lack of her kind of attention over the long run, and he won't begin to just change into somebody else in the long run.
He does know. You told him. And he flat-out, no holds barred told you it's not going to happen. Don't do this to yourself, OP. He's doing you a kindness. He's telling you straight up that this is how it will be; he isn't stringing you along with false promises or lip service or anything. He doesn't sound like a bad guy; just a guy who's lacking one component that's essential to you.
Yes. I'm forming the mental image here.
"C'mon. What are you feeling NOW? And what are you thinking about NOW? And NOW? And how about NOW?"
Well, here ya go. With the all-caps, your frustration shows. Already. Honey. It will not get any better as time goes on. In fact, he will get more "comfortable" with the relationship and then he won't even be trying to "open up" the minimal amount he is now.
I'm sure he's not a bad person, that's not what I'm saying -- but he is what he is; he's outright telling you so.
You don't want to feel bitter, lonely, like you're constantly trying, like you're unwanted. It's a horrible place to be, and it's a place a non-affectionate person can easily put an affectionate person in, not on purpose but just by his/her very nature.
It's a horrible way to live. I'd consider how much I invested emotionally in this man.
I could not have said it better than this.
If it bothers you this much now, give it a few years. Your resentment and bitterness will only get worse.
"C'mon. What are you feeling NOW? And what are you thinking about NOW? And NOW? And how about NOW?"
Hmm...that's not the mental image I'm getting at all, because the OP said she has only brought this up once.
But yes, I know what you're talking about in certain cases. And I can imagine the OP becoming something like what you describe above, simply out of desperation over time. That's another reason I'm just not feelin' this one.
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The OP did specify verbal affection, v. physical. She made that clear. Unfortunately, her boyfriend made it equally clear that that's just not him. And he doesn't understand her need, either, as he stated that all guys are that way. 
