Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
That's how it reads to me. Having to take drugs alone on a consistent basis is a huge thing and way too many people, imo, think nothing of it. It seems to be glossed over as well as the financial costs. The constant doctor visits, blood tests, drugs, and co-pays will no doubt be a financial strain. The idea of sperm washing as if it's no big deal. It costs.
Quote:
But I see it as no different than dating someone with any chronic illness. I dated a guy with Marfan's, and the life expectancy is not great with that. Many people fight diabetes with insulin daily. I dated that guy too. Neither led to marriage for reasons far removed from health.
I'm a pragmatist and take as much as possible into account. I also cared for my twin, along with my mother, who had a chronic illness for his last 20 years. Hospitals, pills, the suffering day in and day out needs to be seriously considered. People divorce for far less than those kinds of massive responsibilities.
Quote:
I think it's interesting that ARVs haven't even been around for 24 years. They are improving in effectiveness and tolerance every year, so there is no way to predict the life expectancy of people who are diagnosed today and put on a regimen. Actuarial tables notwithstanding.
For me, and I only speak for me, falling in love with the person who is really the right one transforms and transcends many things including the need to take a daily drug and the possibility that we may not get to our 50th wedding anniversary. Frankly, I will be lucky at my age and family health history to get to 25.
You have more confidence in pharmaceuticals that I do, which I suppose is par for the course. If you or your spouse have HIV, I don't want to sound heartless. I just think it's a very big deal. It will trap a spouse in so many ways. What if ten years down the road the marriage doesn't work out. What if he turns out to be a jerk, a cheat, whatever, but you're the one with the good job since he gets ill. You're the one that provides the good health insurance to make sure he gets the best of care. You can't take that away from someone. Divorce really can't be an option.
That's how it reads to me. Having to take drugs alone on a consistent basis is a huge thing and way too many people, imo, think nothing of it. It seems to be glossed over as well as the financial costs. The constant doctor visits, blood tests, drugs, and co-pays will no doubt be a financial strain. The idea of sperm washing as if it's no big deal. It costs.
I'm a pragmatist and take as much as possible into account. I also cared for my twin, along with my mother, who had a chronic illness for his last 20 years. Hospitals, pills, the suffering day in and day out needs to be seriously considered. People divorce for far less than those kinds of massive responsibilities.
You have more confidence in pharmaceuticals that I do, which I suppose is par for the course. If you or your spouse have HIV, I don't want to sound heartless. I just think it's a very big deal. It will trap a spouse in so many ways. What if ten years down the road the marriage doesn't work out. What if he turns out to be a jerk, a cheat, whatever, but you're the one with the good job since he gets ill. You're the one that provides the good health insurance to make sure he gets the best of care. You can't take that away from someone. Divorce really can't be an option.
Illness, job loss, etc. could happen in any marriage, at any time, in the absence of HIV. I see you are the sort of person who would prefer to eliminate every possible risk factor in your choice of mate. OK.
Here's the truth, if you can't handle a persons limitations or health issues you don't love them enough to marry them in the first place.
Truly loving someone means accepting them for who they are no matter what conditions they are afflicted with.
Mmmmm, I dunno. The question is "Would you date or marry someone with an incurable STD?". When you consider dating someone, love, usually, has not come into play yet. If you're considering marrying them, you've likely made the decision to accept it if you dated them in the first place.
I wouldn't date someone with an incurable STD. There are no guarantees I'll spend the rest of my life with that person so I'm not willing to take that risk. If I was already married to someone who caught it through no sexual contact with someone else, I would stand by him.
Illness, job loss, etc. could happen in any marriage, at any time, in the absence of HIV. I see you are the sort of person who would prefer to eliminate every possible risk factor in your choice of mate. OK.
Sure it could happen and when it does we deal with it, but you are correct. I was careful with my choices before I married. I did my very best to ensure a marriage that would go for the long haul. How did you do it?
Mmmmm, I dunno. The question is "Would you date or marry someone with an incurable STD?". When you consider dating someone, love, usually, has not come into play yet. If you're considering marrying them, you've likely made the decision to accept it if you dated them in the first place.
I wouldn't date someone with an incurable STD. There are no guarantees I'll spend the rest of my life with that person so I'm not willing to take that risk. If I was already married to someone who caught it through no sexual contact with someone else, I would stand by him.
My point is that infectious disease is serious business and I find no reason to approach it with a careless attitude. The costs, the lifestyle changes, the risk, and a life time dependence on pharmaceuticals is a big deal. I can see married people having to deal. But, to sign up for it with someone you don't know well and just take a "eh, no big deal" attitude is crazy.
And based on what I'm reading the average life expectancy from time of diagnosis is 24 years. A couple is not going to get away with 20-30 years of symptom free days. No doubt the infected is going to have to be cared for. All of this is a lot of responsibility.
This. I love how people sling around cheap pejoratives such as 'ignorance,' when this really is an issue that affects a great deal of the marriage. It is all part of that whole 'marriage is a partnership' theme. For example, HIV affects a couple in so many ways from sex life to long-term health to financial health to the ability to work to children to the possibility of transmission. And the list goes on and on. While some certainly are willing to shoulder the huge burden of marrying someone with HIV -- and more power to them -- others would be understandably reluctant to do so.
Let's go through an exercise here. Instead of STDs, let's substitute the terms "Paraplegic" or "Chronic heart condition" into the equation. Or the adjective, "Impotent." Or any other physical condition that makes that person less likely to completely fulfill what we typically think his or her role might be in a loving marriage. And, in your heart of hearts, see if any of these conditions give you pause. If so, it's pretty hypocritical to lambaste someone else who is honest in stating their misgivings on the subject.
To be sure. If any of these conditions were acquired during the course of a marriage, then you have made a pledge to stick with the spouse in sickness and in health. But that's not the same as being shamed into marrying someone with a chronic health problem from the onset.
I think it's very easy to say that you wouldn't date/marry a person with an incurrable STD from the outside looking in, but lets be real here; You don't know what you would do if you found someone that you really had a connection with and they laid this type of news on you. Chemistry and true love can (and often times does) trump a lot of things. It's like the guy/girl who says that he/she would never date/marry anyone with kids, and they end up dating/marrying someone with kids. I'm just saying...never say never.
Kids and HIV or herpes are hardly the same.
If someone I fell in love with laid this type of news on me a) he better have told me before we did the deed or I would drop him no matter how much I loved him. And b) I would still consider my well being first. I have a family of my own. Just like I have a responsibility to myself and those who love me to not to risk my health and life doing drugs, eating McDonald's every day or having unsafe sex, taking that risk with someone I may or may not be committed to eventually is no different.
It's probably my age and my long overdue, heightened love for myself talking but I stand by it. When I was younger, I might have considered it......just like I didn't care about income, job stability or if we lived under a bridge "as long as we had each other". I was willing to sacrifice my quality of life for the man I loved. Not these days.
This. I love how people sling around cheap pejoratives such as 'ignorance,' when this really is an issue that affects a great deal of the marriage. It is all part of that whole 'marriage is a partnership' theme. For example, HIV affects a couple in so many ways from sex life to long-term health to financial health to the ability to work to children to the possibility of transmission. And the list goes on and on. While some certainly are willing to shoulder the huge burden of marrying someone with HIV -- and more power to them -- others would be understandably reluctant to do so.
Let's go through an exercise here. Instead of STDs, let's substitute the terms "Paraplegic" or "Chronic heart condition" into the equation. Or the adjective, "Impotent." Or any other physical condition that makes that person less likely to completely fulfill what we typically think his or her role might be in a loving marriage. And, in your heart of hearts, see if any of these conditions give you pause. If so, it's pretty hypocritical to lambaste someone else who is honest in stating their thoughts on the subject.
To be sure. If any of these conditions were acquired during the course of a marriage, then you have made a pledge to stick with the spouse in sickness and in health. But that's not the same as being shamed into marrying someone with a chronic health problem from the onset.
Yes, as long at my partner disclosed his illness from early on in the relationship. An STD is not a character flaw.
.
__________________
My posts as a Moderator will always be in red.
Be sure to review Terms of Service: TOS And check this out: FAQ
Moderator of Canada (and sub-fora), Illinois (and sub-fora), Indiana (and sub-fora), Caregiving, Community Chat, Fashion & Beauty, Hair Care, Games/Trivia, History, Nature, Non-romantic Relationships, Psychology, Travel, Work & Employment, Writing.
___________________________
~ Life's a gift. Don't waste it. ~
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I'm just saying...never say never.
