Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Another thing to bear in mind is that not everyone dreads lifestyle adjustments. There are people who are very honest about choosing not to have children because it doesn't fit their lifestyle of choice. I get that. But for me, lifestyle changes have just been a part of life. My lifestyle changed drastically when I moved thousands of miles from where I grew up. It changed when I changed fields and changed income. It changed when I went from living by myself for seven years to cohabiting with a guy. I changed when I adopted a dog, and had to start beating feet home every day after work rather than run errands, go to happy hour, etc. to let him out, and can't go on vacation without seeing to his needs or taking him with. No biggie...you make choices, life changes accordingly. Life changes, anyway, no matter what you do.
Right now, my current lifestyle is not especially kid-friendly. I work long hours, devote a lot of my off-the-clock time to work-related things by choice, I tend to spend a lot of time doing things/going places that are not suited to bringing a small child, I don't have a built-in support system to enrich my childrearing experience (family is all thousands of miles away, so no large grandparent-aunt-uncle-cousins-etc. presence and building those relationships will take time, money, and effort), my SO and I eat out a lot, spend long afternoons at bar patios reading and lounging around, we have a dog to whom we devote a lot of time, energy, and attention, we travel a lot. Most, if not all, of those things will change if we become parents. We don't dread that, and recognize it. For people who look forward to becoming parents, these types of changes aren't seen as dreadful punishments...they're just lifestyle changes...trading one thing for something else. Some people are fine with that, and if you're wanting to be a parent, you should be.
Last edited by TabulaRasa; 07-24-2012 at 11:15 AM..
I'm talking in adult-adult social settings. Dinner, a night out with friends or co-workers. Not the zoo or a field trip. Sure, I've made comments about people's unruly kids (not disabled) in inappropriate settings (upscale restaurants). But really, I have nothing against kids being kids, my comments are always about the inappropriate nature of the setting or the lack of parenting going on.
That's great, but surely, you can appreciate that everyone is not you, and that oftentimes, people DO react in socially inappropriate manners.
Also, in terms of "I only make rude comments about kids who are not disabled," bear in mind that you may not necessarily know if a child is disabled or not. Many of the kids I teach do not have disabilities that are physically obvious. People react FAR differently to my students with Down Syndrome and cerebral palsy in public than they do my not-necessarily-visibly-waving-the-disability-flag kids with autism spectrum disorders. That's when the "Can't you control your brat" garbage comes out, and I've had to do a little "educating" (and advocate for client families to do the same).
That's great, but surely, you can appreciate that everyone is not you, and that oftentimes, people DO react in socially inappropriate manners.
Also, in terms of "I only make rude comments about kids who are not disabled," bear in mind that you may not necessarily know if a child is disabled or not. Many of the kids I teach do not have disabilities that are physically obvious. People react FAR differently to my students with Down Syndrome and cerebral palsy in public than they do my not-necessarily-visibly-waving-the-disability-flag kids with autism spectrum disorders.
Re-read what I wrote. I NEVER BLAME A KIDS ACTIONS ON THE KID. I dont make rude comments about children because they aren't the ones who know better. They're parents are (well supposed to anyways). I think some of them become immune to the glass-breaking screeching at some point. I was on a conference call Monday and one of the guys on the phone works from home. His kids were SCREAMING (ear-piercing) in the background for 45 minutes straight. He never muted his phone. Now, obviously thats not the kids fault
i think its funny that everyone thinks having kids is just something you have to do. there are a lot of terrible parents out there, i'd say most people aren't fit to be parents but they have kids anyway and raise these little monsters.. i dont want to have kids because i dont have the patience for it. if i dont have the patience for it that means im going to be angry a lot and i feel you need patience and na slew fo other things to be a good parent to a kid. not like you're buying a cat and after 6 months its gona take care of itself and all u do is give it food and water.
if people thought about things more carefully there wouldnt be so many messed up kids/people out in the world. and most first born kids are accidents anyway lol i dont know too many people that actually planned their first born.
Re-read what I wrote. I NEVER BLAME A KIDS ACTIONS ON THE KID. I dont make rude comments about children because they aren't the ones who know better. They're parents are (well supposed to anyways). I think some of them become immune to the glass-breaking screeching at some point. I was on a conference call Monday and one of the guys on the phone works from home. His kids were SCREAMING (ear-piercing) in the background for 45 minutes straight. He never muted his phone. Now, obviously thats not the kids fault
Again, that's cool, but I'm not talking about you, and how you react to children...just noting that, yes, some people who are of the more militant childfree stripe do, in fact, make a point to be just as obnoxious about making their opinions known as some people with children do. Maybe I misunderstood, but it seemed that earlier, you were making the argument that, no, childfree people don't do that. I find that, yes, some of them sure do. You have one experience, I have another. It's cool.
i think its funny that everyone thinks having kids is just something you have to do.
Everyone thinks this? I don't see that. I live in a VERY family oriented place, but even at that rate, there are plenty of us here who do not have children. Not everyone thinks this, even here.
Again, has anyone ever told you that you're wrong from having kids?
Read this thread, people (including yourself) are telling childfree that they're wrong, selfish, wait until you have your own.
I provided links about child abuse.
Not everyone should breed.
You see what you want to see in my posts. I never said anyone was wrong for choosing not to have children. You're the type who tries to "prove" their choice is the right one. It's YOUR choice. Don't try to play victim and claim the child free group never claimed others are wrong.
This is what I'm talking about: people telling us that we're too dumb to know what we want for our lives.
If parents decided to not have kids, who cares or would know.
You don't know squat about any one else's life, don't act as if all kids are miracles or wanted.
Here, again, are child abuse and neglect statistics from the US.
I'm sure all of these people should have been breeding more.
You just keep proving my point.
If we don't agree with you we're just sacks of sunshine.
Here you go again. Seeing what you want to see. Posting more statistics. Never said all kids are miracles. I was referring to his situation. Never even implied anyone was dumb. There you go again playing victim. Reread the posts without a negative attitude. Maybe you'll see the meaning behind it.
Whether you choose to have kids or not or get married or not makes no difference.
The point is make sure you are doing it for the RIGHT reasons and not because what society, or someone else thinks or purely selfish reasons. Know yourself, know your partner, and what you can and can't handle and then make the decisions accordingly.
Whether you choose to have kids or not or get married or not makes no difference.
The point is make sure you are doing it for the RIGHT reasons and not because what society, or someone else thinks or purely selfish reasons. Know yourself, know your partner, and what you can and can't handle and then make the decisions accordingly.
Well said!
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Well said!