How does a woman know what league she is in?? (beautiful, interested)
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It's because you continually post threads about how bad you think you look, how dark your skin is, etc.
We can only go by what you say unless we see a picture. You always want people to judge the way someone looks but we have no way to judge other than you are an African American female.
So, as long as you continue to post threads like this which inevitably turn into this, that is what is going to happen. Every single time.
We can't tell you how you look without seeing your picture. Hell. You could even post a profile pic and leave it open for a couple of hours, then remove it or block your profile. I hardly think anyone here wants to steal your picture and post it somewhere.
It's not like you would put a half nude pic up like some of the women on this very site do! We, me included, just want to see your face and see what the big deal that you are always making is.
If there is something you can physically improve upon, other than by using plastic surgery or bleach, I am sure there enough of us who are decent human beings, could tell you nicely enough.
This thread has nothing to do with me posting a picture of myself. I am not going to put myself in a vulnerable position like that
For the OP: do you honestly believe women (or men.. or any living entity) sits around and thinks to themselves before leaving the house, "Now what exactly am I in looks? A 5? An 8? A 10?"
No one thinks this way, at least not anyone remotely worth knowing. People know whether they're attractive or not. Looking in the mirror isn't rocket science, nor are peoples reactions to us.
Do you have any conception that real love envelops a whole heck of a lot more than LOOKS? Do you have any conception that plenty of extremely good-looking people are lonely or miserable, usually because their personalities stink, or because they are vapid or have no sense of humor? Do you have any conception that judging people solely on their looks is something people should get over by the age of 14?
It amazes me that person after person here obsesses over looks. Looks fade, faster for women than for men, but they eventually go. Haven't you ever met average (or even below average) looking people who become truly beautiful/handsome because they are so smart, funny, great listeners, have charisma?? There are so many people like this. Personality/intelligence/sense of humor trumps outward appearance in many, many cases.
For the OP: do you honestly believe women (or men.. or any living entity) sits around and thinks to themselves before leaving the house, "Now what exactly am I in looks? A 5? An 8? A 10?"
No one thinks this way, at least not anyone remotely worth knowing. People know whether they're attractive or not. Looking in the mirror isn't rocket science, nor are peoples reactions to us.
Do you have any conception that real love envelops a whole heck of a lot more than LOOKS? Do you have any conception that plenty of extremely good-looking people are lonely or miserable, usually because their personalities stink, or because they are vapid or have no sense of humor? Do you have any conception that judging people solely on their looks is something people should get over by the age of 14?
It amazes me that person after person here obsesses over looks. Looks fade, faster for women than for men, but they eventually go. Haven't you ever met average (or even below average) looking people who become truly beautiful/handsome because they are so smart, funny, great listeners, have charisma?? There are so many people like this. Personality/intelligence/sense of humor trumps outward appearance in many, many cases.
I really like this post. The problem in this life is people DON'T think like this. I suppose both my boyfriend and I are of average to above average in looks, I don't know. What I do know, is that when I look at him, because of his personality and how he treats me, how he lives his life, then looks(I don't care a whole lot about looks) I see the most beautiful man on the earth.
I really like this post. The problem in this life is people DON'T think like this. I suppose both my boyfriend and I are of average to above average in looks, I don't know. What I do know, is that when I look at him, because of his personality and how he treats me, how he lives his life, then looks(I don't care a whole lot about looks) I see the most beautiful man on the earth.
Most women, because of looks and/or age, do not have the luxury of focusing on a man's looks, and, as you are (and I am, incidentally), can be perfectly happy with a man whom she chose for reasons other than appearance. The OP'S problem seems to be that she can't accept this, and NEEDS to look better than she does so she can get men whe are out of her league. Obsessing over changing what cannot be changed never made anyone's life more interesting or enriching or moved anyone closer to any goal. The OP needs to change her attitudes and expectations, or she will continue to be miserable.
Most women, because of looks and/or age, do not have the luxury of focusing on a man's looks, and, as you are (and I am, incidentally), can be perfectly happy with a man whom she chose for reasons other than appearance. The OP'S problem seems to be that she can't accept this, and NEEDS to look better than she does so she can get men whe are out of her league. Obsessing over changing what cannot be changed never made anyone's life more interesting or enriching or moved anyone closer to any goal. The OP needs to change her attitudes and expectations, or she will continue to be miserable.
Hmm. I had to read this a few times over. I am not sure I understand your first sentence.
I am nearly forty and I have been with the ultimate pretty-boy muscular man. I have the luxury of choosing from any single man that I may want. Life is not about that. I would never be with a man for his appearance and appearance alone.
Having a nice looking man is great, and I have one. What is even better, is having a man who has the intelligence to maintain conversation with you. A man who is giving and caring, as well as nurturing to your relationship. A man who can come home from work at the end of the day and appreciate a "How was your day?" conversation. A man who can also look past looks and see you. The you that you are on the inside, not just the out. A man who can look into your eyes, and even though you are smiling and telling him that nothing is wrong knows otherwise.
Truthfully, I don't NEED a man for any reason, but having the man I have sure makes my life one heck of a lot better than not having him.
What I think is the OPs problem is is that she is going by what society thinks is beautiful. There is something beautiful about each and every one of us. She just needs to find her inner beauty. None of us really knows what she looks like. Maybe she was teased as a child because of her darker skin. Her family members have lighter skin, and she believes they are faring better than she because of it.
I do agree with you that she feels she needs to look better for whatever reason. Who is anyone to tell anyone of us who is out of our league?
Some days I feel prettier than others. Some days I probably am prettier than others. The days I feel the prettiest are when he looks into my eyes and I can feel the way he loves me. Just by how he looks at me. Does that make sense? It is at that moment that I feel I am the most beautiful woman in the world.
She needs to start being more positive in life. I don't think it amounts to much more than that.
Pikantari, my first sentence simply meant that even though most women can't get a combination of the looks they prefer and the other stuff that makes a relationship good, they can be happy regardless of the guy's appearance, so they shouldn't focus on looks without choosing a mate. I used you as an example of a woman who was not focused on looks. I did not mean to imply that you were a member of the Can't Be Picky Sisterhood and I'm sorry that I did, inadvertently. As for me, i could hold the charter to that organization. .
I agree with everything you said about the traits that make for a good long-term partnership.
People who are out of a woman's league, IMO, are people who habitually reject her. People what what they want, and there really isn't anything that can be done to change that.
I am sorry that the OP has been made to feel inferior for racial reasons. Racism isn't about attractiveness or lack thereof, though. I hope she finds peace and a group of people who aren't bigots and who don't look down at her because of her skin color. And I hope she learns that racist guys are innately ugly on the inside.
The funny thing is, I don't think you are right. I have seen some of the most beautiful women with not so beautiful men, or vice versa. With that said, I look a little deeper. What's going on here? That woman or man may be beautiful, but do they have an equally beautiful personality or characteristic? Without sugar mommy/sugar daddy coming in to play, somewhere, these people are meeting in the middle.
The man or woman who may not look as good on the outside may have a much higher confidence level. Exuding such confidence will bring people flocking. Maybe that beautiful woman has a terrible personality. I have no idea.
This is why I really don't believe in 'leagues'. I think that more often times than not, you will make up in one area where you might lack in another.
I am trying to think of some real-life examples.
Ok. We know a couple where the guy is a really nice guy, good personality, average body, average to above average in looks.
The woman might be beautiful if she wiped some of her Tammy Faye make-up off. But it would take more. (IMO) I think that if she were a nicer person with a bit more intelligence and personality then maybe should could be a beautiful person.
This is here nor there though.
The OP does not have a problem with racism. from what I can tell, her 'problems' lie within the people of her own race.
She appears to have a jealousy of people whose skin is lighter than hers, and has even thought ill of her own cousin.
Many of us here have tried to tell her that there are very many beautiful dark skinned women, models even. This doesn't matter.
What it comes down to, no matter what, is her need to lighten her skin so people will like her.
In my opinion, if you don't like me for who I am, you are not worth having as a friend, or someone more.
She is trying to change herself to be better. Thats fine. Her business, Blue in the face.
She is quite a negative person, and people just don't want that. You can be the most beautiful person in the world, and if you are negative, I don't care to be around you.....
Quote:
Originally Posted by forum_browser
Pikantari, my first sentence simply meant that even though most women can't get a combination of the looks they prefer and the other stuff that makes a relationship good, they can be happy regardless of the guy's appearance, so they shouldn't focus on looks without choosing a mate. I used you as an example of a woman who was not focused on looks. I did not mean to imply that you were a member of the Can't Be Picky Sisterhood and I'm sorry that I did, inadvertently. As for me, i could hold the charter to that organization. .
I agree with everything you said about the traits that make for a good long-term partnership.
People who are out of a woman's league, IMO, are people who habitually reject her. People what what they want, and there really isn't anything that can be done to change that.
I am sorry that the OP has been made to feel inferior for racial reasons. Racism isn't about attractiveness or lack thereof, though. I hope she finds peace and a group of people who aren't bigots and who don't look down at her because of her skin color. And I hope she learns that racist guys are innately ugly on the inside.
that is the excuse given on CD all the time. It wasn't fooling me yesterday and it's not fooling me today. Whatever. They will date the 'bitc*y nice looking girl' over the 'fat really FRIENDLY girl' any day of the week. Only on here do they make it out to be that these nice looking women with sh*ty attitudes sit home alone because guys don't want them. Yea right.
Very true. As long as a woman is hot, a guy will deal with her until he is close to being driven insane or something and just cant deal with it. But they will certainly put up with more drama if she is hot.
Anyway, early on I thought this girl was smokin' hot! She was Filipina, had a few suggestive tattoos, very exotic looking face, naughty girl persona. She dropped by my place of work a few times and my co-workers could not stop talking about her. I was new there, and one guy who did not yet know me came up and said that I "must be all right if I had a chick like that." (Good measure of a guy's worth, I guess.) [/b]
But the longer this girl and I were together, the more volatile she became. , she destroyed my apartment more than once, damaging some hard to find sports memorabilia, kitchenware, etc, used my credit card without my permission, and assaulted me a couple times, one time even charging at me with a kitchen knife!
To this day I cannot explain why I did not walk away from that.
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Of course you know why you didnt walk away from that. She was hot. Things like that confirm others opinions that guys will put up with crap like that as long as a chick is hot. She's hot and has a smoking body..so she gets to charge at you with a knife and you dont dump her? LOL She would have been outta my life that instant. Let some man act like that towards me. I dont care if he's Brad Pitt..thats just crazy!
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Yea right.
