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I guess I do love him at the end of the day. He has some great qualities apart from these, and these are minor faults of his which I have seen improvements from time to time. My hope is that we can resolve these issues, and live peacefully together without looking over shoulders for the rest of our lives. Does this sound naive?
We'll probably be hearing from you a couple years from now talking about how much your marriage sucks and asking if you should get out....
Hi guys, I need fresh eyes to look at this situation, as it is bugging me constantly.
I've been engaged to this guy for about 20 months, and we got engaged after 2-3 months of dating. Even though I was a virgin at 25 when we met, he has always suspected me. He grilled me several times and at the beginning, wanting to know what specifically I had "done" in the past, even going as far as to asking if I was gay.
I don't need to read any more. Major red flags! Why did you pursue a relationship with this guy? *DANGER *DANGER* Ah-OOO-gah (sound of sirens and alarms) Evacuate the danger zone at once!
The one piece of good news is that you chose to have a long engagement. It's not too late to get out. Oh, and btw, it's likely he's a cheater. A tell-tale sign is when they constantly suspect their SO over nothing, even to the point of yelling and creating scenes.
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 10-29-2012 at 05:50 PM..
I guess I do love him at the end of the day. He has some great qualities apart from these, and these are minor faults of his which I have seen improvements from time to time. My hope is that we can resolve these issues, and live peacefully together without looking over shoulders for the rest of our lives. Does this sound naive?
Let me take a moment to break this down.
Quote:
I guess I do love him at the end of the day.
Quote:
He has some great qualities
Quote:
these are minor faults of his
Quote:
My hope is that we can resolve these issues, and live peacefully together without looking over shoulders for the rest of our lives. Does this sound naive?
It will not get better and you will only find yourself miserable. This dude is completely psycho. You will never fill the endless void created by his insecurities, and he will drain you dry as you try to please someone who can't be pleased.
I see what you're saying. On one hand, I agree that sometimes I feel as if there is a limit to how much I can please him, as he doesn't seem to get satisfied. We have talked about this, and there is always a reason why. On the other hand, I don't agree with the psycho statement. He is far from a psycho, and is known for being very kind and loving. He can be a real sweetheart, even though the dependence of people's opinion on how caring he is sometimes gets worrying.
Thanks guys for your contributions! I really appreciate your honest answers. I guess, I need to ask if anyone has been in a similar situation? Why is everyone asking me to run away from this? Is this problem one that isn't easily solved? Is there something about the situation that raises alarm bells? (If so, what?) You know what they say about love and stupidity. :/
I don't want to end up in an abusive, controlling marriage.
This is exactly where you're headed. You're in an emotionally abusive, controlling relationship/engagement. Why would you think it would change for the better upon marriage? When you leave, make sure you're surrounded with friends or relatives, for safety and witnesses to the resulting stalking & craziness.
I see what you're saying. On one hand, I agree that sometimes I feel as if there is a limit to how much I can please him, as he doesn't seem to get satisfied. We have talked about this, and there is always a reason why. On the other hand, I don't agree with the psycho statement. He is far from a psycho, and is known for being very kind and loving. He can be a real sweetheart, even though the dependence of people's opinion on how caring he is sometimes gets worrying.
Oh.my.God. Really? REALLY????? Oh.my.God.
Here's what you should do: Break it off, change your name, and MOVE AWAY.
Here's what's going to happen: You'll come back here in another year to complain how he has secluded your from your friends and family, how he beat you, and now you have nowhere to go. But he's known for being very kind and loving.
Honestly, do yourself a favor before he breaks your nose. LEAVE.
yikes OP he is a potential abuser. not to mention so damn insecure dunno why you lasted that long. if i were you i will cancel the wedding. he's just not worth it.
tell him you want to cancel until he resolves his issues he sounds pretty damaged and whacked up. don't marry him. for my peace of mind. LOL
Thanks guys for your contributions! I really appreciate your honest answers. I guess, I need to ask if anyone has been in a similar situation? Why is everyone asking me to run away from this? Is this problem one that isn't easily solved? Is there something about the situation that raises alarm bells? (If so, what?) You know what they say about love and stupidity. :/
Everything about it. Nothing about this guy's behavior that you've posted in the OP is normal. If you don't believe us or don't understand, see a relationship counselor. She'll explain it.
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