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In some cultures couples have up to 3 weddings - legal, church and cultural.
DING DING DING! More crucial info leaks forth.
This is some kind of "other culture" marriage, so the groom has convinced the bride that the "legal part" (haha--minor detail!) isn't "important", and the real deal is when the wedding takes place before God and family/friends, which has yet to transpire. But he still maneuvered her into getting married earlier than she wanted. He managed to come up with "some reasons" for disregarding her wishes and getting what he wanted. Just like whenever she tries to talk about all the suspicions and accusations, he somehow makes it all seem reasonable.
Whatever you do, OP, do not leave the US with this man. Don't let him talk you into quitting your job or cutting off ties to your family. You may have a shot at getting the marriage annulled, rather than having to go through a divorce. You need to inform yourself of your options.
You may still love the guy (you "guess" you love him, you posted), and think we're being really harsh, but ... life can be harsh. You're in a very vulnerable spot right now. We care. It won't get any better. It'll probably take time for you to process all this input, and deal with the implications emotionally. Get counseling. Good move. Good luck.
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 10-29-2012 at 07:52 PM..
I thought it might be useful for the OP, if not others, to review her own post.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mayomi
He admits that he has had several partners before me, and also that he had never been 100% faithful to any one of them.
he immediately followed up saying that things might get bloody if I ever cheated on him.
Or if he ever imagines you've cheated on him! You're in danger! (He cheated on a past SO for revenge? How mature is that? Is this another one of those "other culture" things?)
OP, remember on page 1 when I said one sign of a cheater is when they constantly accuse their SO of cheating? And I hadn't even read this part, yet! You're married to a cheater! Why did you marry a cheater? We need to understand this. This is why he distrusts you so much--because he's a cheater!
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 10-29-2012 at 07:55 PM..
This is a thread he created when I wouldn't wear my wedding ring to work as we had not yet been married in church. I did wear only my engagement ring, but this turned out to be a HUGE problem. It caused so much of a row that he created a thread here to seek public opinion - which is why I've come here with this, to put this out there and see how unreasonable I'm being. //www.city-data.com/forum/relat...-not-wear.html
OP your husband not fiancer er fiance writes in broken english. i doubt he marries you for green card coz he won't be a total azzz if he needs it from you.
well you are already married. tell him to S-T-F-U or you will divorce him by the way.... even if you are already married and God forbid the next time you update you have 2 kids already go jump off cliff.... lol seriously though if you are unhappy with the relationship even if you're married with kids.. YOU CAN ALWAYS GET OUT!!! first sign of any abuse well he is abusing you already emotionally and psychologically... YOU CAN ALWAYS GET OUT!!! know that!
OP, look up "personality disorders," especially narcissistic and anti-social and read the rest of them too. They usually appear quite reasonable--can even make everyone else in the room look crazy, but they're psycho. I wish you luck--you're going to need it. And yes, do get counseling, at least.
I guess I do love him at the end of the day. He has some great qualities apart from these, and these are minor faults of his which I have seen improvements from time to time. My hope is that we can resolve these issues, and live peacefully together without looking over shoulders for the rest of our lives. Does this sound naive?
Yes,it sounds naive. He is just going to get worse as time goes on. Be careful and call off the wedding now.
The thread I linked to was created by him, not me. Yes I did't mention the legal marriage because like I said earlier, it was brough forward for some reasons, and I don't consider it that important because of this.
You can consider it whatever you want.... and it won't change the fact that you are married, NOT engaged.
You can consider it whatever you want.... and it won't change the fact that you are married, NOT engaged.
Ok.
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