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Hi guys, I need fresh eyes to look at this situation, as it is bugging me constantly.
I've been engaged to this guy for about 20 months, and we got engaged after 2-3 months of dating. Even though I was a virgin at 25 when we met, he has always suspected me. He grilled me several times and at the beginning, wanting to know what specifically I had "done" in the past, even going as far as to asking if I was gay...
...at which point you should have done what I'm going to tell you to do now, which is kick his domineering, suspicious, disrespectful, deceitful, dishonest, reprehensible, delusional, creepazoid arse to the curb.
Oh, and collect your self-respect at the door on the way out.
This guy has some deep personal issues that turn your lives into hell, not matter how much you love each other.
More basically, ask yourself why you intend to marry him knowing him as you do?
Do you believe you deserve hell?
Quote:
Originally Posted by lenniel
Let me be frank.....YOU'RE AN COMPLETE IDIOT IF YOU MARRY THIS PERSON. I GUARANTEE IT WILL END IN DIVORCE AND YOU WILL BE MORE MISERABLE THAN YOU ARE NOW.
Yes, I said GUARANTEED divorce. 50% of marriages end in divorce anyway and most of them don't start off with the issues you're facing.
Don't be stupid. There are plenty of fish in the sea.
They're already married, they just haven't had a church wedding yet. The OP was a bit unclear as to the difference between "engagement" and "marriage", but she gets it now.
I do not mean you are a bad person at all, I only mean that the universe brings you what your subconscious 'wants'.
If you do not know your own mind, and purposefully say to yourself "I want this kind of guy" then you are going to end up with someone who you dont want. (see below what I mean)
In the end, it is all about knowing yourself and when you know yourself, you will attract the correct match for yourself. This is firstly because you know what you want and secondly you put out the correct kind of messages. As an example, if you decide that you will have no 'play-boys' (guys who play around) then that is in your attitude and your manner of approach to new potential relationship matches. Similarly, this extends to jealousy-types too. Remember that men like to have boundaries and they like knowing (from their wives) where those boundaries lie.
Often these jealousy-type people are very insecure and so if you have already got married (palm hits forehead!) then you have to help him to be more secure in himself which is the problem. I suspect that he will turn very soon into a wife-batterer and you will have to leave but that is just my initial impression. I think that jealous types may not be able to express themselves very well and so may resort to violence as the only way they can express themselves.
They say that women marry men like their father and men marry women like their mother - until they have resolved the issues associated with parent figures. I dont know how much truth there is in this but certainly I can see aspects of my wife's father in me and aspects of my mother in her, so maybe there is more truth in this than we care to believe. So, if either of your parents were extremely controlling, then you need to resolve this aspect in yourself before getting into your own relationships. Otherwise you will attract people who help you resolve those issues in your life.
If you have already got married, then I should research where you can go where you are safe and on no account tell him where it is! Also, get a back door key cut and hide it well. Good luck.
I guess I do love him at the end of the day. He has some great qualities apart from these, and these are minor faults of his which I have seen improvements from time to time. My hope is that we can resolve these issues, and live peacefully together without looking over shoulders for the rest of our lives. Does this sound naive?
Are you crazy?
Minor faults, these are not minor faults.
Naive and stupid, to be honest.
Do not marry him.
Walk away, now.
I hate to say this, but I see more emotional, and perhaps physical, abuse in your future.
The thread I linked to was created by him, not me. Yes I did't mention the legal marriage because like I said earlier, it was brough forward for some reasons, and I don't consider it that important because of this.
So, the whole thread is bull-poop.
You get what you deserve.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Drover
THEY. ARE ALL. READY. MARRIED.
Read the thread people.
When we respond to a post at the beginning of a thread, it gets posted at the current end.
Last edited by chielgirl; 11-02-2012 at 08:53 AM..
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