Romantic Attachment
Here is a
REALLY GOOD Wikipedia article on Attachment in Adults that I would suggest you read. It's a little lengthy so heat up some popcorn.
In short, this form of jealousy is typically stemmed from the
Theory of Attachment, and better labeled as
"Romantic Attachment" when used in the context of relationship dynamics. There are different levels of severity and different classifications that can be used. Generally speaking, it can described in layperson's terms as a case of Adult Separation Anxiety.
OP, this is what your fiance/husband is suffering through - I know this because I've battled through escalated feelings of unwarranted jealousy and distrust. The good news is that it CAN get better, and it CAN be better controlled. Although my problems aren't severe, I am living proof of that change.
What I am more concerned about is that your fiance/husband's issue has grown into something
potentially dangerous (especially since he mentioned something about harm being done to you if he found out you were being unfaithful). That means his feelings of jealousy, distrust, and ultimately anxiety, have led to extreme anger. I don't know if he's an angry, temperamental person when you are around him, but it's clear that distance apart triggers these angry emotions.
Stems from Childhood
Typically, this type of anxiety stems from childhood experiences where Child Separation Anxiety is developed (with the main symptom being fear of separation from somebody important). Examples include but are not limited to:
- Child was always "too clingy" to the parent (or vice versa) think: chicken & the egg)
- Overprotective parenting
- Death of a loved one (e.g. a parent or a pet)
- Change of environment (e.g. parents moved during 3rd grade so you lost all your friends)
It's important to point out that childhood anxiety can be a manifestation of the parent(s) also having a form of anxiety. One feeds off of the other, again, going back to the chicken & the egg example. This type of anxiety may also lead to depression. I'm not sure if your fiance/husband has shown symptoms or signs of depression.
Treatment
OP, I know you mentioned wanting to work this out with your fiance/husband. The first step is to have him become
SELF-AWARE of this problem. This is achieved either through openness in communication with him, or even better, through the use of
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. If possible, I would also seek therapy about both the Individual-level (your fiance/husband only) and for Couples (where both of you sit through sessions together).
If you do seek CBT, I would suggest going through a
Psychiatrist (not Psychologist), as a Psychiatrist can prescribe medication to help quell the feelings of anxiety and/or depression. A Psychiatrist is also a Licensed Doctor, whereas a Psychologist can be a Doctor but may also be limited to a License in Clinical Social Work.
I'm not sure if this thread was "bull-poop" (as described by an earlier poster) but I hope the information is helpful, even if this was a big hoax.
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"Romantic Attachment" - A Form of Adult Separation Anxiety
