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I see what you're saying. On one hand, I agree that sometimes I feel as if there is a limit to how much I can please him, as he doesn't seem to get satisfied. We have talked about this, and there is always a reason why. On the other hand, I don't agree with the psycho statement. He is far from a psycho, and is known for being very kind and loving. He can be a real sweetheart, even though the dependence of people's opinion on how caring he is sometimes gets worrying.
You have given him no reason to distrust you and he falsely accuses you repeatedly. That is the DEFINITION of psycho. OF COURSE he can appear to be kind and loving - most psychos (or narcissists or sociopaths or borderline personality disorder types) can maintain a good act. Why do you think so many of them have girlfriends (whom they usually make perfectly miserable, abuse or sometimes kill)?
He behaves nicely sometimes, but his default setting is distrust and jealousy and insecurity. That's the red flag. I'm not being an alarmist. Please review these posts - most people are quite alarmed on your behalf. You may feel like we don't know him like you do, but please consider that he is your first serious boyfriend, and most of the posters on this site have been around the block a time or two.
Thanks guys for your contributions! I really appreciate your honest answers. I guess, I need to ask if anyone has been in a similar situation? Why is everyone asking me to run away from this? Is this problem one that isn't easily solved? Is there something about the situation that raises alarm bells? (If so, what?) You know what they say about love and stupidity. :/
I might sue you for facial injuries due to my constant facepalming due to your posts.
This is a thread he created when I wouldn't wear my wedding ring to work as we had not yet been married in church. I did wear only my engagement ring, but this turned out to be a HUGE problem. It caused so much of a row that he created a thread here to seek public opinion - which is why I've come here with this, to put this out there and see how unreasonable I'm being. //www.city-data.com/forum/relat...-not-wear.html
Hi guys, I need fresh eyes to look at this situation, as it is bugging me constantly.
I've been engaged to this guy for about 20 months, and we got engaged after 2-3 months of dating. Even though I was a virgin at 25 when we met, he has always suspected me. He grilled me several times and at the beginning, wanting to know what specifically I had "done" in the past, even going as far as to asking if I was gay.
We live apart, and he has always been obsessed with the idea of me "cheating". When we started, if he phoned me and I was unavailable for any reason, it meant that I was being suspicious even though I called him back asap. It doesn't help also that he is very cunning. On one occasion, I invited him to church with me, he pretended he wasn't coming, dropped me off at the station, and immediately followed me on the train back to church to see if I indeed was going where I said I was. When confronted, he said it was because I gave him a reason to believe that I was cheating by not always answering my phone immediately. One public holiday, I had lots of work to do at home so I told him I was going to work when I wasn't (I didn't want to be disturbed). He called my work, and as I wasn't there, he concluded I was cheating. He confronted me about it, and I admitted that I lied about going to work, but only because I needed to get some work done at home. He was terribly upset about this, even shouting at me down the phone. It was only later that I realized that he got so emotional because he had assumed that I was cheating, not because he was betrayed by me lying about where I was. He admits that he has had several partners before me, and also that he had never been 100% faithful to any one of them. Yet, I do not try to grill him in the same way. I do not assume that he is cheating when anything happens, if he doesn't answer his phone immediately. The funny thing about this is that the day he told me that he had never been faithful to anyone before (even in a 5 year relationship that he was in - he said the lady cheated, so he cheated for revenge), he immediately followed up saying that things might get bloody if I ever cheated on him. His first reaction if anything happens between us is "Who have you told?". He says that he doesn't want us bringing 'outsiders' into our marriage issues, which is a valid approach, but I am beginning to doubt the intention behind this.
Recently, I found out that he has (without my knowledge), not just hacked into my Twitter account but also set up his phone to receive an alert whenever anyone mentions me or sends me a message on Twitter. This is not just a hack which lets you log into my Twitter. This is an alert like a text message. This means that wherever he is, whatever he is doing, he wants to know what who contacts me on Twitter. He does have a Twitter account but isn't interested in anything I have to say and so he isn't following me. Rather he is interested in the private messages I get, and what messages people send me. By the way, I have absolutely nothing whatsoever to hide there. I do have male "followers", but these are people who I learn from. I'm quite interested in business and technology and I think it's a great learning resource for other people's experiences. So I don't mind that he can see all my conversations. What I mind about is that 2 months to our wedding, this man is convinced enough that I might be flirting with other men, that he is still trying to catch me out through various methods. This worries me, because why would anyone go through wedding planning and preparations with someone they don't trust? I'm not a flirt, I don't have many friends yet I'm being treated like a criminal. I almost regret saving up myself all these years only to end up being monitored and investigated for infidelity for no just cause. This breaks my heart because I don't treat him the same way, and I don't know what I have done to deserve this kind of treatment.
What do you make of this, guys? Are his fears justified? Am I potentially wayward? Are all these suspicious behaviors? I don't want to end up in an abusive, controlling marriage.
let me first say that I am no young stud ( just turned 71 this week) I have been married for 49 yrs to the same women I met back in 1963, after only knowing her for 3 months ( no she wasn't pregnant) we had developed what it takes for any marriage to last. That is called TRUST! without it you are dead before you get started . I was a virgin at 22yrs. She said when asked the question that she had never sleep with anyone . I never asked the question again because it didn't matter , there was that trust then and to this day , I truly believe thats what has made our life together last as long as it has> to answer your question , Run don't walk away from this relationship, as in most cases it will only get worse. If he dosen't know and trust you after 20 months ! he is never going to, but you will surely get a chance to really know him after you are legally married. Good luck , you will need it . ( there are many better choices out there , you just need to look for them .
Legally, yes but not in church. We had our legal wedding brough forward for several reasons, but I made it clear that the church wedding meant more to me.
This is a thread he created when I wouldn't wear my wedding ring to work as we had not yet been married in church.
What wedding ring? You said you're not married yet, you're only engaged!. Are you married or not? Engaged women don't wear wedding rings, hello?
He's dependent on people's opinion of him as caring? Have you ever seen any of the true crime shows on TV about the guy who was the community Good Guy, sponsoring the junior baseball league, donating to charity, pillar of the community? And he called the police because someone murdered his wife? Who would do such a dastardly deed!! Certainly not Mr. Pillar-of-the-Community, oh, no! He was so loving, so generous, such a philanthropist!
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