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I wonder how it would affect men and women in the US, if marriage was "revenue neutral" from a tax and inheritance standpoint; every state required joint custody of children after a divorce, except in exceptional cases; child support was negligible and alimony did not exist for all intents and purposes?
- Joint custody: Custody, rightly, is determined on a case by case basis based on what is right for the CHILD. While it is true that in the past the mother was favored, this is, as it should be, changing.
- Alimony: So if parents decide that one parent should cease earning for the sake of raising their children then a divorce occurs, the primary bread winner should not continue to support that parent for some period to regain their earning status?
- Taxes: I agree. Tax benefits were a failed social experiment.
Personally I feel marriage is an antiquated institution that just doesn't work anymore. Things are much different now, people and relationships have evolved. Marriage is one of those old traditions we are clinging to, but is slowly dying. I know some of you will disagree with me on that, but in due time, I think you will come around as it becomes more and more obvious it just doesn't work anymore. It's a cyncial view, but people are more corrupt than we want to admit. And it's not just one thing that has made marriage outdated. If you really study the origins and rules of early marriage, it's pretty clear it was just a legal means to "own" another person. Woman had no rights, they were the property of a man. At one time, in some cultures, she had no say so in who she was marrying. In most, If a woman wanted a divorce for infedility or physical abuse, she was still ostricized. An outcast. She was expected to raise the family and serve the husband and all his needs. This ideology is antiquated. We live in an age where everyone is equal as they should be. On the surface, this shouldn't break the marriage concept.
It's lovely to think if 2 people love each other, they should be able to form a bond and stay together for life. But people still think that "true love" keeps people from doing things to another they shouldn't. One of my biggest pet peeves is when someone responds to a story of being cheated on with "well, she obviously didn't love you". That's a cop out. Bogus. Untrue. Love doesn't keep people from cheating, lying, or being physically or verbally abusive. Love will not make someone mature. Love will not make someone respectful. Love doesn't change a person's character for the long haul. It's an emotion, so it's effects tend are ever changing. In this ever changing society, Social media, smart phones, etc have us in touch with more people all the time. This creates all sorts of obstacles to relationships. We are less attentive. More selfish. More independent. More distractions. More options. More choices. There are just too many hurdles to jump through to survive with one person for a lifetime. It's disheartening. I'm a monogamous person. Very loyal. I've been married, engaged and had several long term relationships. I don't place 100% blame on my ex's, I know I have my shortcomings and failings. But I've always remained loyal, faithful and tried to work through issues. Whether I view friends, their s/o's or my own, there is a serious shortage of loyalty and honesty among people. You can argue that man (and woman) has always been corrupt. But I think as a whole, that people are getting worse. Each generation that comes along seems to lose a little bit of the aforementioned merits of intergrity. Disagree? Look at violence in schools. I never had to worry about a fellow classmate bringing a gun to school and shooting me.
Meanwhile, as someone else pointed out, what is there to really gain from marriage? Nothing, with much to lose. Especially from a man's standpoint. Our judicial system is still living in the stone ages granting woman half of another man's fortune even in cases where she doesn't deserve it, which is most in my opinion.
The one where, the woman never has to overly remind him ''Where is this going'', put ultimatums nor has to break up first to then get him to change his mind and go after her with the ring.
The one that does it because he wants it too, out of his free will. I've been hearing more stories on another forums at 3 more women having the same problem. They are stuck with someone that at first was on the same page, they made the mistake of living together and suddenly they become another ''forever live-in gf''.
Some on here once stated that if your not moving forward from day one in a relationship then there is no point in it at all, I agree witht hat 100%! If a woman has to keep giving hints OR ultimatums & such then then man in question isn't the one for her Of course there might be a reason for him not wanting to marry her There are always two sides to every story. Maybe he's wanting on something maybe he isn't very into her from the start.
As far as men wanting to get married every guy is different I agree any man worth his salt should want to marry his SO men have the same porblem we might want marry our SO & thet don't want marriage again there could be many reason why this doesn't always happpen. My GF & I talked about getting married at some point & while want to we don't want to rush into anything either. I still want to marry her & she has already said yes, but because of the way the last guy she was with was a loser & didn't want to work now I have to prove to her family that I'm not the same person, that will take some time for them to gain my trust. So we do plan to live together for a while because we're in a LDR it makes everything much harder. So when I do move in with her I have to start all over with her family. So there are reasons people just don't get married right off the bat. It takes time & for those men who don't want to get married then that's thier choice like it is yours.
I'm getting married this year. Couldn't be more excited about it either.
My fiancee was "subtly" pushing for a ring 6 months into our relationship. I waited until we were dating almost 2 years. This doesn't mean I wasn't marriage-minded. The opposite, in fact.
Women seem to like it when a relationship is always "moving forward" but there has to be an end to that. Things can only go so far. So after the wedding, the house, the kids, then what? Boredom?
Women seem to like it when a relationship is always "moving forward" but there has to be an end to that. Things can only go so far. So after the marriage, the house, the kids, then what? Boredom?
The relationship moving forward isn't about things that are created or acquired, it's about the two people in it and their personal growth and life goals. Everyone should always be moving forward in life, that never stops.
[quote=VX5650;27618283]Women seem to like it when a relationship is always "moving forward" but there has to be an end to that. Things can only go so far. So after the wedding, the house, the kids, then what? Boredom?[/quote
Boredom? Only if YOU let it become that, life isn't meant to be lived alone it's because people give up that they take this stance. The whole idea is to experience life with them be able to look back & remember those good times..... even the bad ones. If you feel like your not moving forward with said person from day one then you have no reason to be with them in the first place. It helps to be with the right person from the start.
Many men will say: "What's in it for me, my eventual going through the meat grinder by the judge?"
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The relationship moving forward isn't about things that are created or acquired, it's about the two people in it and their personal growth and life goals. Everyone should always be moving forward in life, that never stops.
