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No it doesn't make you bad. There are many women who do not want to get married out there. But to me talk is cheap. The only difference between being married and claiming to be someone's soul mate/together forever, etc. is the latter can be washed away more easily then the first. There is a 'permanency' (for lack of a better word) to marriage that is not there with cohabitation. I see men avoiding that permanency because they want to be able to wipe the slate clean of that woman AT WILL, with no strings attached. One foot in and one foot out cohabitation style, keeps him 'safe' to be able to do that when the time comes. I personally never had any interest in it because I see it for what it is.
I've been with Mrs. Chow for 20 yrs.. we're not "married", but I think we treat each other nicely.........
I don't need a "license" from the state to tell me how to conduct my affairs.....
I've been with Mrs. Chow for 20 yrs.. we're not "married", but I think we treat each other nicely.........
I don't need a "license" from the state to tell me how to conduct my affairs.....
Hats off to you and yours. There's an exception to everything. As Bio said whatever works for you -- but those are my thoughts on cohabitation and what it really boils down to.
A marriage license should be put in the dresser drawer for safe keeping -- it's not instructions on how to conduct your relationship. The state doesn't come into your home to make sure you are following the 'rulebook' of marriage, LOL......As I said before it boils down to jumping ship at will and avoidance of permanency. If that's not you, so be it. But I think it's the majority of men who do not want to get married but instead push for cohabitation and 'soul mate forever' language.
I don't think marriage is for everyone but both need to be on the same page. I would under no circumstances live with a guy or have kids without marriage.
I'll be your soulmate, I'll never ever ever treat you bad, I'll be there through thick and thin, I'll be there for the long haul.... I just have zero interest in the marriage thing...
Does this make me bad???????
It doesn't make you bad but rather incompatible.
1) Total mismatched
2) Age difference
It was a nice try though but no where close therefore no cigar.
If he can't afford because he is struggling (non kids)then this is fine.The guy I am interested in has no kids but is struggling financially. However it wouldn't be fine if he had kids because I would always be angry that a guy spent money on his ex and kids but couldn't spend the same on me. I know jewelry and lobster dinners are the extreme of course and wouldn't expect those that often but if he would have the money without kids it would make a difference. I am coming at it from another angle because I dated a few dads and they were so broke from paying child support, alimony and mortgage that rarely did they buy me gifts, even at Christmas or my birthday, but expected me to do so for them and the kids.
If he is single, no children, I don't know why he's struggling financially? Student loans, credit card debts, low paying job/no job?
I still say you should forget about how much money is going to the wife and kids. If you agreed to be in the relationship with him, you had to know his money would be going for child support and alimony -- right? I would avoid him if his money was going out of the household and he couldn't contribute anything, all the bills were on me etc. but not because he couldn't buy gifts......
If they didn't buy you a gift but expected one, that is not right and they shouldn't be assuming you're going to buy gifts for their children either. I am not into the holidays or birthday gift stuff. I do know there's a lot of women that are into the holidays, decorating and gift exchange and it's important to them.
If he is single, no children, I don't know why he's struggling financially? Student loans, credit card debts, low paying job/no job?
I still say you should forget about how much money is going to the wife and kids. If you agreed to be in the relationship with him, you had to know his money would be going for child support and alimony -- right? I would avoid him if his money was going out of the household and he couldn't contribule anything, all the bills were on me etc. but not because he couldn't buy gifts......
If they didn't buy you a gift but expected one, that is not right and they shouldn't be assuming you're going to buy gifts for their children either. I am not into the holidays or birthday gift stuff. I do know there's a lot of women that's into the holidays, decorating and gift exchange and it's important to them.
I can handle struggling financially but not because of child support, alimony, mortgage, etc. Part of it is also because then if we married it is possible that some of my hard earned money would go towards his kids or his ex too since some states (Illinois is one)will take new spouses salary in consideration. I have known new spouses that had to support the family because most of his money was going towards the kids and the ex.
I can handle struggling financially but not because of child support, alimony, mortgage, etc. Part of it is also because then if we married it is possible that some of my hard earned money would go towards his kids or his ex too since some states (Illinois is one)will take new spouses salary in consideration. I have known new spouses that had to support the family because most of his money was going towards the kids and the ex.
Yes I had heard some states were doing that and it's something to consider, I suppose. I do agree with you, that you shouldn't have to accept someone who cannot contribute to the household. If the situation were reversed, they wouldn't agree to help you as the single mother take care of child, Lord knows it's been said enough times on here and IRL. GN.
Hats off to you and yours. There's an exception to everything. As Bio said whatever works for you -- but those are my thoughts on cohabitation and what it really boils down to.
A marriage license should be put in the dresser drawer for safe keeping -- it's not instructions on how to conduct your relationship. The state doesn't come into your home to make sure you are following the 'rulebook' of marriage, LOL......As I said before it boils down to jumping ship at will and avoidance of permanency. If that's not you, so be it. But I think it's the majority of men who do not want to get married but instead push for cohabitation and 'soul mate forever' language.
Jeez.. Dolleyes... you're gonna get me all cuddly and start to like you now... watch out......
Yes I had heard some states were doing that and it's something to consider, I suppose. I do agree with you, that you shouldn't have to accept someone who cannot contribute to the household. If the situation were reversed, they wouldn't agree to help you as the single mother take care of child, Lord knows it's been said enough times on here and IRL. GN.
Exactly, most men would avoid me if I was a single mom because of the money, and rightfully so. Yet some of them would expect me to support their other family. I have seen or heard that most men who had first wives who were stay at home wives had second wives with careers. I think we can draw assumptions with that (meaning then someone else can help support them).
I am going to bed now and will pick this up tomorrow.
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