Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I wouldn't just want to live with someone, its marriage or nothing.
My point exactly...
All I know, if after mentioning this to the guy once we're dating (no cohabitation unless engaged) he runs to the hills....there is my answer. He wasn't worth my time.
If he's really crazy about me, he'll still stay and go all the way of not wanting to be without me and get me; not run away nor let me walk away. Once we lose interest and see the man isn't gonna take the next step, it's over for good. It's gonna take way more than ''But I love you'' to change my mind.... actually that would be it for me (I wouldn't want him doing this out of pressure either and because of me.... that's just as bad as not doing it since it's not coming from his heart and it wasn't something he wanted in the first place; honestly that would get me even more upset than him not proposing at all).
In a way, this is like comparing half-rotten applies located on the ground and within inches of reaching them vs the shiny one found on the tallest tree...the one where you have to get a ladder and go all the way to get it.
Same thing....making myself easy and do cohabitation vs focusing on what I look for in a relationship, having previous conversations about our goals and see if we think similar, setting boundaries and not settle for less.
this is why i have romance books and film.. the unreal is more powerful than the real because nothing is as perfect as you can imagine it
hey how do you add comments to reputations?
I agree with you. I enjoy the romance movies (but not the romance books) because the fake love garbage in them is very entertaining. It is nothing like what I see really going on with these dating people/couples.
*when you hit the rep button a box should pop up, where you type your comment and then hit send or enter or whatever it is. That's what always happens for me.
The majority of these fathers never had an interest in full custody in the first place. So I guess that works out well.
And you should probably look to the history of fathers in this country and their repeated irresponsible behaviors where baby making is concerned. These are the same men that spout: "she should've used birth control, that's on her." or "Well I wanted an abortion she didn't," etc. etc. They tend to see the whole thing as "not my fault or my responsibility" once the sex is over and take flight accordingly. (Now they're crying over full custody? LOL). They've done this so many times that now the children by default, are assumed to just go to the mother because that's how it usually ends up anyways *shrugs*. Most judges are males btw and always have been.....
No thats ridiculous, complete deadbeats and Ward Cleaver fathers are treated the same. Don't try to justify the bias against men in divorce by saying some men are bad fathers. You're just demonstrating the bias against men in divorce. It doesnt get looked at on a case by case basis, the man always gets the screw. Unless a guy is smart enough to get a prenup, he might as well jump naked on a bicycle with no seat to get used to what divorce court will to do him
No thats ridiculous, complete deadbeats and Ward Cleaver fathers are treated the same. Don't try to justify the bias against men in divorce by saying some men are bad fathers. You're just demonstrating the bias against men in divorce. It doesnt get looked at on a case by case basis, the man always gets the screw. Unless a guy is smart enough to get a prenup, he might as well jump naked on a bicycle with no seat to get used to what divorce court will to do him
No not all fathers are treated the same in divorce court. Where do you get your information that things don't get looked at on a case by case basis. The stereotypes of divorce are changing.
What do you mean by getting the screw though...a man pays child support for his kids? Things like alimony are disappearing. When people divorce everyone loses really when you are talking about average people.
I notice too that women aren't allowed to say anything concerning a man's financial situation, she's not supposed to have any criteria at all for that element. You gave them a chance; if you were the single mother with 'nothing but drama & financial problems' most of the men wouldn't even entertain the thought of talking to you, so you shouldn't have to either I suppose. I don't want children and certainly didn't want to raise any, but I wasn't opposed to single fathers when I was 'attempting' to get dates. I cared more about if they had their sh*t together overall. But I don't beleive they should be relegated to only dating other single parents and vice versa.
I have had male friends in the past with children (not married to the women) and they have visitation orders they never bothered to enforce & hadn't in years. Far as I can tell the once a month visits with the child, suited them just fine. I have also known single childless men who agreed to date a single mother and/or be the live in bf -- but refused to help her do anything with the child, he only wanted a relationship with her. I don't know why they agree to it at all if that is the mentality they have about it.
I know when I mention the financial aspect I am automatically branded a gold digger, though I am far from it. I suppose to some extent I may appear as one because I would expect deep down to be treated the same way he treated his first wife but of course with kids that is impossible so in that respect I would be paying the price for something I had nothing to do with. I'm always asked if I would date a single dad who had everything together including paying child support and no drama and I reply I have rarely come across these guys so no, I would still avoid.
I was never interested in cohabitation and never will be. I'm really old-fashioned in that area. If he's just going to be my bf then we can date without living together but I'll still dump him eitherway if after 2 years, I see it going no where.
Only way I'll live with a man if we're on the same page, it's proceed by a proposal, there is a date set on as well as where it's happening and invitations are send out.... in other words: GET TO THE POINT; FULL COMMITMENT OR NOTHING.
Good for you! I have seen repeatedly men who lived with a woman, had a baby or two then got bored of her. Sorry but no way am I living like that.
No not all fathers are treated the same in divorce court. Where do you get your information that things don't get looked at on a case by case basis. The stereotypes of divorce are changing.
What do you mean by getting the screw though...a man pays child support for his kids? Things like alimony are disappearing. When people divorce everyone loses really when you are talking about average people.
Exactly. I used to work for lawyers and things do get looked at on a case by case basis, very thoroughly. If both parents are working many judges today can sniff out a 'sob story' of a lazy woman who just wants alimony, that is why many of the AVERAGE women get less then what they asked in alimony and child support -- if not flat out denied alimony. My cousin's husband cheated on her and she got denied alimony altogether. Why? Because she had a full time job. The men just don't like that fact that 9 times out of the 10 HE is the one that doesn't add up in the eyes of the court, mainly do to his own behavior. Well read it and weep because men have a very lengthy history of ditching their children once they're 'finished' with the woman as well as a myriad of reasons why they cannot directly pay any child support. That's all well and good -- but lil' Johnny still has to eat this month regardless....
AJ is acting as if average, everyday people are in the league money wise of celebrities. The men and women if wealthy enough have a prenup almost always. IMO, the regular joe just wants a reason to ultimately not commit to one woman so the cop out is: 'divorce will ruin my life,' or something along those lines. They will live with a woman till the cows come home because they know when the sh*t hits the fan -- they can walk away at will, on to the next woman. (This is not to say a married man cannot do the same, but you get what I'm saying). In other words, these cohabitation men always remain with one foot in and one foot out. Serves their personal needs just fine too.
Last edited by Doll Eyes; 01-05-2013 at 11:50 PM..
I know when I mention the financial aspect I am automatically branded a gold digger, though I am far from it. I suppose to some extent I may appear as one because I would expect deep down to be treated the same way he treated his first wife but of course with kids that is impossible so in that respect I would be paying the price for something I had nothing to do with. I'm always asked if I would date a single dad who had everything together including paying child support and no drama and I reply I have rarely come across these guys so no, I would still avoid.
because you're not 'allowed' to ever mention his financial situation, don't inquire about it just take whatever he says at face value. (yea right).
I don't know what you mean by treated the same as the wife. Do you mean material items he may have purchased for her?
Many men do pay their child support -- but most of them don't. At this point the government has had to resort to throwing their behinds in jail for not contributing to the child. This not a solution but when they get out maybe something will spur them to start paying.
For every one woman that has completely ditched her child, there's about 50 men who've done the same.
Last edited by Doll Eyes; 01-06-2013 at 12:06 AM..
A lot of guys are trash....I still don't know anyone that would get way with ditching child support without us giving him a "firm" talking to. I guess it's a southern/plains thing.
IMO, the regular joe just wants a reason to ultimately not commit to one woman so the cop out is: 'divorce will ruin my life,' or something along those lines. They will live with a woman till the cows come home because they know when the sh*t hits the fan -- they can walk away at will, on to the next woman. (This is not to say a married man cannot do the same, but you get what I'm saying). In other words, these cohabitation men always remain with one foot in and one foot out. Serves their personal needs just fine too.
While that woman thought cohabitation was a step towards engagement and wasted all that time for nothing.
But we're slowly catching up to that game and then they'll probably think of other ways to string us along if that stops working such as probably set up an indefinite engagement (guy saying: ''Yes, won't worry, I already proposed and we're gonna marry sometime in the next few years, but let's wait for the meantime'') but if she's smart it won't work out either.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
They will live with a woman till the cows come home because they know when the sh*t hits the fan -- they can walk away at will, on to the next woman. (This is not to say a married man cannot do the same, but you get what I'm saying). In other words, these cohabitation men always remain with one foot in and one foot out. Serves their personal needs just fine too.
