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Well, apparently she stills cares enough about the relationship to not directly end it herself. Cheaters rationalize everything, she probably thinks its her right to cheat or doesn't view it as cheating since it's "just" pictures.
This is a consequence of selfishness. She is benefitting from living in the OP's home. He's a good piece of her meal ticket right now. Why would she end the relationship. She doesn't care about it, but is still benefitting from it.
Thanks for all of the great feedback. It's going to be a major issue for her when this goes down as she's going to go from living in my house to living out of her car. Oh well...
OP, while I know I advocated making her feel bad for what she did, I don't support harming her in any other way. If I can share a personal experience, I too went through what you are experiencing, but in getting her out of my life, I at least wanted her to land safely somewhere else. So, I wouldn't push her to live in her car, but would definitely make sure she had some place else to live, like with her parents, friends, etc, even if it's just living on the couch. Yeah, sounds strange coming from me, but there are limits in how you respond. Be careful, and good luck in recovering and in your future relationships.
P.S.: Don't let the legal stuff spook you from send her packing. If it comes up, just tell her you will discuss it with her lawyer when they call you up.... it's rare people in these situations run to a lawyer since the remedy is really to return back to living at your place, which I'm sure neither of you want.
Last edited by Dr. Clean; 02-17-2013 at 12:19 PM..
My GF and I have been in a comitted (so I thought) relationship for three years.. For the past of couple month or so there have been nights with her coming in from work later than normal and a general "odd feel" between us. I'm a very trusting person but last night I decided to drive by where she said she'd be-watching the kids of a friend. No car, parents home, hmmm. I finally said "screw it", went back home and popped on her computer. After a quick search for "*.jpg" my fears were confirmed-penis pics. They were even forwarded to her email from her phone, so these were texted to her and "saved".
This person is someone that she knows from before we were together and occasionally pops by.
OK, now what. Yeah-I crossed "the line" but now I'm in a situation of knowing what's up and her now asking me "what's wrong". I did my best of trying to act like I saw nothing but that pretty much failed.
How the hell do I tactfully step into this ****storm of a situation?
Thanks for listening, I joined this forum for the hope of some words of advice.
-D
Occasionally "pops by?" I bet!
A penis picture? Really? No girl I know saves a penis picture.
I would confront her; ask her for the truth about what she is doing; ask her why she is doing it. Finally, ask her if she wants to stop doing whatever it is she is really doing.
I would think this is the bare minimum of what you need to do before you make up your mind to do anything else.
Well, this complicates the "walk away without so much as a glance over your shoulder" approach. If it's her who is going to be moving, though, I would have her stuff packed and ready for removal. Perhaps even open a storage unit and have it out of your house so she doesn't have a chance to even get in. And good call on the locks.
Quote:
Originally Posted by *Sixy*
Hmmm, be careful with this. I'm not sure what the legalities are but you may want to look into this. IF she was paying anything towards living there (utilities, rent to you, food for both of you..etc) she may be considered a "legal tenant" under the law...in which case you may not have legal ground to kick her out with no warning and change the locks.
You may want to get some legal advice on this issue.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lilac110
You'd better check the eviction laws in your state, first. In mine, that's not legal. If the person has an established residence there and can prove it--mail, personal belongings there, etc.--you can't just change the locks and render the person homeless. You have to formally evict the person. I've been through it with a property I owned.
Sixy and Lilac make good points. Disregard what I said about her stuff and the locks. At least until you've checked the laws.
Hmmmm...what you could do is see if there are any photos of her with him, preferably date-stamped, then have a party with all of your friends and hers and hand out envelopes with print-outs of the pictures, to be opened all at once when everyone is there. (I wouldn't do it with the nudes--no sense in risking that guy suing you.) Or, if you find a letter or dirty note he sent her, pass out Champagne to all the guests, and then read it as a toast.
Alas, I can't take credit for that bit of deviousness. It springs from the urban legend of the fellow who found out his fiance was cheating and taped photos of her with the other man to the underside of the chairs at the wedding. At a crucial moment, he asked guests to look under their seats.
I imagine all the women you have cussed out were probably laughing their asses off afterwards, you just spoon fed them a reason they were better off without you. That's how I'd see it anyway.
This reminded me of the incident I had last month with a guy I was seeing casually. He got mad at me for being 10 mins late to a date, so he stormed out of the bar just as I arrived, leaving me alone there. He then texted me a highly emotional rant about how he was not my doormat or somesuch and didn't want to waste his time with someone who didn't put him first.
My reply? "OK then." and silence thereafter.
I also showed his text to everyone at the bar who had witnessed his tantrum. There was much frivolity at his expense. I got drinks bought for me and made a ton of new friends while he stewed at home wondering why I never ever called to beg for forgiveness.
When people show you who they are, believe them, and let them live alone with it.
This reminded me of the incident I had last month with a guy I was seeing casually. He got mad at me for being 10 mins late to a date, so he stormed out of the bar just as I arrived, leaving me alone there. He then texted me a highly emotional rant about how he was not my doormat or somesuch and didn't want to waste his time with someone who didn't put him first.
My reply? "OK then." and silence thereafter.
I also showed his text to everyone at the bar who had witnessed his tantrum. There was much frivolity at his expense. I got drinks bought for me and made a ton of new friends while he stewed at home wondering why I never ever called to beg for forgiveness.
When people show you who they are, believe them, and let them live alone with it.
Similar experience here. Met someone from a personal ad at a bar. After he figured out that I wasn't going to take him home and bang him, he excused himself to go to the men's room and never came back. The bartender noticed, and when I explained the situation, someone next to me overheard the conversation. Much frivolity at the flat-leaver's expense, but also, the new guy and I ended up dating for a few months. I still have the crystal wine goblets he gave me, 19 years later.
This reminded me of the incident I had last month with a guy I was seeing casually. He got mad at me for being 10 mins late to a date, so he stormed out of the bar just as I arrived, leaving me alone there. He then texted me a highly emotional rant about how he was not my doormat or somesuch and didn't want to waste his time with someone who didn't put him first.
My reply? "OK then." and silence thereafter.
I also showed his text to everyone at the bar who had witnessed his tantrum. There was much frivolity at his expense. I got drinks bought for me and made a ton of new friends while he stewed at home wondering why I never ever called to beg for forgiveness.
When people show you who they are, believe them, and let them live alone with it.
Some people like to be in a position they feel gives them power and expect groveling over the slightest thing they perceive as being wrong. Sounds like you wound up with a pleasant surprise with a good evening sans tantrum boy. Sometimes life, In small ways and in unusual situations gives back to us.
oh, I think it safe to say that the older we get, the more relationship experiences we have, and the more memories we collect of bad dating encounters, relationship errors, poor choices, etc. (but I don't keep souvenirs--too tacky for me). So I'd like to think we do develop a certain wisdom in establishing and maintaining relationship from better choices and decisions we could have made from when we were younger. God knows I have my fair share of recollections of dating mistakes I've made in choosing certain types of women to be involved with, which is why I tend to believe I choose more wisely these days.
Last edited by Dr. Clean; 02-17-2013 at 12:42 PM..
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