Blue Collar- White Collar family upbringing is causing a clash in my marriage (American, friends)
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I didnt see anything suggesting her parents pushed her to forgo college or intentionally making her feel bad about it. Sounds like they didnt pay for it and were not excited and envolved in her higher education. Maybe because they were busy working to pay their bills? Maybe I missed something.
I read that as her parents didn't want her to go to college and therefore gave her a hard time about it. Not being interested or being too busy to be involved in her education is different (IMO) from fighting her about it.
I read that as her parents didn't want her to go to college and therefore gave her a hard time about it. Not being interested or being too busy to be involved in her education is different (IMO) from fighting her about it.
--Dim
Quote:
My wife's family fought her when she told them she wanted to go to college and
she had to pay for it all herself because her parents would not help her with
the tuition
I took it as they fought about paying for it. They refused to do so and she had to fund her education herself. I mean how could they fight her or prevent her from going? I assume she was an adult.
Arses are arses rich or poor. If you wife's family members are good people then it's your problem if you can't get past the differences in the education level. A well rounded person can relate to anybody unless they're real a holes. Deal breaker for me.
When there is conversation in the family gatherings I have been to with my wife's family (99% of the time we just watch TV), it is about how terrible management or white collar people are who don't deserve to be making good money and aren't really working when they sit in an office doing research (directed by her family towards my wife) and they tell me college is a waste of time (directed at me the College Instructor).
So there is plenty of snobbery directed at white collar people from working class people too.
That's not snobbery. I'm not saying it's accurate or fair or nice, but it's not snobbery. Snobbery is when the higher-class group thinks they're better than the lower-class group.
I disagree. Anybody can be snobbish. It's about thinking that your perspective is the right one, and anybody with a different perspective is beneath you.
And any group of any kind can generalize about another.
I disagree. Anybody can be snobbish. It's about thinking that your perspective is the right one, and anybody with a different perspective is beneath you.
In the post I was responding to, the blue-collar people didn't appear to believe the white-collar people were beneath them. On the contrary, it appeared they knew the white collar people were above them (in a position of authority and making more money) and were envious because they didn't think they deserved to be there.
I really don't understand how this hurts your marriage. It's not like you live with them and they are hurting you personally.
For being so freaking professional, you're pretty unable to handle basic social interactions with people who are "below" you on the ladder without it bothering you.
I feel bad for your wife that you're letting this hurt you so much.
If it's hurting your marriage, go to counseling. Plenty of folks have more messed up families than your wife. Consider it a blessing that she has family that even talks to her and functions as a unit. Or, find someone else to discuss the latest Wall Street Journal with.
My mother is uneducated and I can't talk to her about basically anything in regards to current events. She's still my mother and would lay in front of a bus for me. She also guilt tripped me when I went to college. It's called rising above and not letting it get to you.
My wife is a highly educated super smart professional who works as a researcher at a Academic Think Tank. I work as an Instructor at a college. We both are super curious, intellectual, and committed to learning, creativity and our careers.
I came from a highly educated intellectual family who lived a very white collar lifestyle. On the other hand my wife grew up in a super blue collar working class factory town (Oil City PA). No one else in her large Catholic Family continued their education since High School and all of them work at a factory or fast food jobs. (All making under $9 an hour in their 30s.) Her Mom and Dad are as working class as can be.
While there is nothing wrong with being low skilled working class, I have been doing a lot of thinking about the impact of living in this type of environment had on my wife and even with her current high level job and education she is still deep down a blue collar working class person in her attitudes and personality.
I just can't get over her family. Their diction, choice of words, interests, lack of knowledge about basic things and finally the fact that they don't read anything or follow current events.
Has anyone else's marriage been turned upside down because of the blue collar white collar differences in lifestyle and personality?
A socially inept snob (in their eyes)
Proves my point that men marry down and women marry up.
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