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The #1 reason online dating sites don’t work is because it’s too easy to be super picky. When you meet someone in person, at a party, a bar, a casual gathering, a conference, wherever. You don’t have a lot of information. You go on if you’re physically attracted first or at least not repulsed, then you go on various personality traits, whether the conversation is good which usually happens to be based on both conversation skills and chemistry.
Online though people poor through the profile and look for any tiny reason to reject someone. I don’t think they really realize they’re doing it but they do. Their profile says they want someone fit. You’re not overweight but you don’t consider yourself fit so you don’t contact. You think that comes up in real life? Their profile says they like hiking. You think, I don’t hike much so they probably won’t like me and don’t bother to write even though it’s likely they hike less than once a year. Their profile says they want someone who goes to the gym regularly yet they are unlikely to even consider that topic meeting someone live. Unless the person they are meeting is noticeably overweight. It goes on and on. Their profile says they read a lot you read something into that and don’t write. They write liberal and you think hippy and don’t write.
I don’t know what the solution is but the solution is NOT rejecting more people based on their criteria. The solution has to involve some other way to get people talking and meeting easier without all the superficial criteria that would never filter people in real life. Filters that honestly don’t matter in real life. That IMO is the #1 reason they don’t work.
#2 might be too many AHOLE men just looking for sex. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with that.
#3 is that pictures lie. But I think the problem is not that people post old pictures or pictures that are too beautiful. I think it’s that only some people are photogenic. Many people who you’d find relatively attractive look horrible in their pictures. I’ll bet you see tons of fairly attractive people in the real world how have poor pictures online. I don’t know if video would solve that. It would add new problems like lighting, sound, interview skills, etc but it might at least solve the photo problem.
The #1 reason online dating sites don’t work is because it’s too easy to be super picky. When you meet someone in person, at a party, a bar, a casual gathering, a conference, wherever. You don’t have a lot of information. You go on if you’re physically attracted first or at least not repulsed, then you go on various personality traits, whether the conversation is good which usually happens to be based on both conversation skills and chemistry.
Online though people poor through the profile and look for any tiny reason to reject someone. I don’t think they really realize they’re doing it but they do. Their profile says they want someone fit. You’re not overweight but you don’t consider yourself fit so you don’t contact. You think that comes up in real life? Their profile says they like hiking. You think, I don’t hike much so they probably won’t like me and don’t bother to write even though it’s likely they hike less than once a year. Their profile says they want someone who goes to the gym regularly yet they are unlikely to even consider that topic meeting someone live. Unless the person they are meeting is noticeably overweight. It goes on and on. Their profile says they read a lot you read something into that and don’t write. They write liberal and you think hippy and don’t write.
I don’t know what the solution is but the solution is NOT rejecting more people based on their criteria. The solution has to involve some other way to get people talking and meeting easier without all the superficial criteria that would never filter people in real life. Filters that honestly don’t matter in real life. That IMO is the #1 reason they don’t work.
#2 might be too many AHOLE men just looking for sex. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with that.
#3 is that pictures lie. But I think the problem is not that people post old pictures or pictures that are too beautiful. I think it’s that only some people are photogenic. Many people who you’d find relatively attractive look horrible in their pictures. I’ll bet you see tons of fairly attractive people in the real world how have poor pictures online. I don’t know if video would solve that. It would add new problems like lighting, sound, interview skills, etc but it might at least solve the photo problem.
If someone has trouble dating online, they'll have trouble offline. If someone has trouble dating offline, they'll have trouble online.
Remember, these same people you see online are the same people who will reject you wherever you may be. Honestly, everything you listed on there doesn't seem like a negative in my eyes. Also, if your personality/thought process is anything remotely similar to your first paragraph, you should work on not being... lame.
I do not see meeting random people as a "better" system. You have access to fewer people at a given time compared to online, and other than looks have absolutely NO knowledge about any of them. So the screening process is far slower, takes much longer, and potentially wastes more time (dating) someone before finding a deal breaker which you may have seen immediately in a profile.
Not that online is foolproof. Yes, players, liars, and folks who do not know themselves all can cause failures and misfires. That said, if you know yourself and put in some time, you can really narrow the overall pool to who you feel would be real "potentials" far quicker and easier. Then go from there.
IMO, anyone serious in dating should employ a combination of all methods, and not rely just on one, since there is an element of luck and timing in any system used.
All of those problems are true for some, but dating sites still work for millions of other people. This is nothing new.
Seriously. It doesn't work for all but does work for some. If it doesn't work for you, try something else. No one is forced to date online. It's just one option.
The #1 reason online dating sites don’t work is because it’s too easy (for women) to be super picky
A fact I brought up many times here. Most women get a lot of responses, sometimes hundreds. In the 6 months I was on OKC I got maybe 10. I had a real good profile with an up to date picture.
For the average guy that doesn't like to beg it is pointless.
A rich young hunk that wants a family will not have any trouble.
... if your personality/thought process is anything remotely similar to your first paragraph, you should work on not being... lame.
How so? What is denoted by "lame"? On the contrary, if Bob100 were a woman, I'd be keenly interested in dating "her", based on the original posting.
Adding to the fray, online dating fails because:
- Rarely is there a way to make strict restriction based on mandatory criteria, even if those criteria are listed as "mandatory". For instance, if a woman is an Evangelical Christian and she insists on marrying only another Evangelical, there is no means on OK-Cupid or Plenty of Fish to strictly limit her dating cohort to that set.
- As in real life, most people who are interested in serious relationships are also interested in starting a family. It's very difficult to find a marriage-minded potential partner who is child-free by choice.
How so? What is denoted by "lame"? On the contrary, if Bob100 were a woman, I'd be keenly interested in dating "her", based on the original posting.
The kind of person who says "she likes this, and I don't know anything about it.. I don't have a chance". Instead of, "that sounds interesting and could be fun to learn". That's a lame and boring person.
To add to it, a person in good shape is not going to want to date an overweight person in any social situation. So whether its in person, or online.. your odds are way against you if you're overweight. Conclusion, go to the gym.. eat healthier and lose your weight.
I think one of the troubles with dating sites is the attitude that having paid the fee, one is entitled to dates.
^^THIS^^
People pay a fee, they expect results.
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