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The #1 reason online dating sites don’t work is because it’s too easy to be super picky. When you meet someone in person, at a party, a bar, a casual gathering, a conference, wherever. You don’t have a lot of information. You go on if you’re physically attracted first or at least not repulsed, then you go on various personality traits, whether the conversation is good which usually happens to be based on both conversation skills and chemistry.
Online though people poor through the profile and look for any tiny reason to reject someone. I don’t think they really realize they’re doing it but they do. Their profile says they want someone fit. You’re not overweight but you don’t consider yourself fit so you don’t contact. You think that comes up in real life? Their profile says they like hiking. You think, I don’t hike much so they probably won’t like me and don’t bother to write even though it’s likely they hike less than once a year. Their profile says they want someone who goes to the gym regularly yet they are unlikely to even consider that topic meeting someone live. Unless the person they are meeting is noticeably overweight. It goes on and on. Their profile says they read a lot you read something into that and don’t write. They write liberal and you think hippy and don’t write.
I don’t know what the solution is but the solution is NOT rejecting more people based on their criteria. The solution has to involve some other way to get people talking and meeting easier without all the superficial criteria that would never filter people in real life. Filters that honestly don’t matter in real life. That IMO is the #1 reason they don’t work.
#2 might be too many AHOLE men just looking for sex. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with that.
#3 is that pictures lie. But I think the problem is not that people post old pictures or pictures that are too beautiful. I think it’s that only some people are photogenic. Many people who you’d find relatively attractive look horrible in their pictures. I’ll bet you see tons of fairly attractive people in the real world how have poor pictures online. I don’t know if video would solve that. It would add new problems like lighting, sound, interview skills, etc but it might at least solve the photo problem.
Another problem may be that on many sites, the male/female ratio is just horribly skewed. I have read that on some sites, even some of the most popular ones, men can outnumber women by as much as 5 to 1. Plus, about 2/3 of the men are only really interested in about 1/3 of the women, so it is skewed even further.
The #1 reason online dating sites don’t work is because it’s too easy to be super picky. When you meet someone in person, at a party, a bar, a casual gathering, a conference, wherever. You don’t have a lot of information. You go on if you’re physically attracted first or at least not repulsed, then you go on various personality traits, whether the conversation is good which usually happens to be based on both conversation skills and chemistry.
Online though people poor through the profile and look for any tiny reason to reject someone. I don’t think they really realize they’re doing it but they do. Their profile says they want someone fit. You’re not overweight but you don’t consider yourself fit so you don’t contact. You think that comes up in real life? Their profile says they like hiking. You think, I don’t hike much so they probably won’t like me and don’t bother to write even though it’s likely they hike less than once a year. Their profile says they want someone who goes to the gym regularly yet they are unlikely to even consider that topic meeting someone live. Unless the person they are meeting is noticeably overweight. It goes on and on. Their profile says they read a lot you read something into that and don’t write. They write liberal and you think hippy and don’t write.
I don’t know what the solution is but the solution is NOT rejecting more people based on their criteria. The solution has to involve some other way to get people talking and meeting easier without all the superficial criteria that would never filter people in real life. Filters that honestly don’t matter in real life. That IMO is the #1 reason they don’t work.
Your making an assumption. YOU might do that, but I never have. I had a great time using online dating, for 7 years. I've been with my BF now for almost 4, and we met via POF.
#2 might be too many AHOLE men just looking for sex. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with that.
There are men looking for just sex, EVERYWHERE. You think that's just online? HA! Read this forum for a week. I had no problems with that because I stated clearly in my profile that I was NOT interested in such men. Period.
#3 is that pictures lie. But I think the problem is not that people post old pictures or pictures that are too beautiful. I think it’s that only some people are photogenic. Many people who you’d find relatively attractive look horrible in their pictures. I’ll bet you see tons of fairly attractive people in the real world how have poor pictures online. I don’t know if video would solve that. It would add new problems like lighting, sound, interview skills, etc but it might at least solve the photo problem.
I also had no problem with this issue after I included a statement in my profile that if "either of us feels misled by pictures, when we meet, then the meeting will end immediately". Worked like a charm.
Online dating is like anything else. You get out of it what you put into it. It's not easy, but it works, if you work at it.
Good-looking women don't need to go online to fine dates. The dates find them.
Indeed this is the conventional wisdom, and intuitively it is obvious, at least for younger women. I wonder however what happens past around age 35, especially for career-oriented women who function in a world composed primarily of married people. Would not such women seek recourse to online dating to save time and to reach an unmarried audience?
Sometimes I ponder how the other side feels, mentally considering what would have happened were I to have been a woman. What then? I'm in a very male-dominated workplace, but most of the men either have wives or girlfriends. In my branch of ~30 people, only two have no stable partner with them, and one is very much a "player". From a woman's perspective, there are no eligible men. What about the gym - a place that I frequent? Well, casually eavesdropping on the gossip of groups of men, most are either the consummate frat-boys, or already have partners. Where else? The bookstore? The grocery store? Hardly.
The point is, that were I to have been a woman in my age and demographic bracket, even were I to have been attractive, I can't imagine how "real life" dating prospects would be good. If I (as a woman) had a ticking biological clock, conceivably (pun intended) I could find a walking sperm-donor. But what about a child-free man? I don't think so - even if I were a "10". So you see, thus the recourse to online dating.
The site owners could control access to the site until there was a relatively even number of responses and dates between men and women. If you allow the ratio to get skewed and have no way to keep people (especially men) from joining then your not delivering a value added product.
Its not rocket science.
No, but it's a really dumb idea. Why should the site owners rig the pool to accommodate you? They're providing the meeting place. It's no different than a bar. Should the bar limit the number of men who can enter in order to keep the male/female ratio even? And why stop there? Why not make sure there's an even mix of the different races and different age groups. I'm sorry, but whenever I hear people whine about how skewed online dating is, I wanna tell these people to grow up. Life is not supposed to be fair. Deal with it.
If it's not working for you, you're doing it wrong, including possibly using the wrong site for your demographic. Clearly the evidence is that online dating does work for many people, regardless of whether it works for you personally.
The reason online dating doesn't work is because it's online dating.
It's like the Clippers before they got Chris Paul & Blake Griffin. Just saying "They're the Clippers" is all the insult needed.
There is an unmistakable mark of shame that is inherent when someone elects to date ONLINE, because it signals that they do not have the requisite social skills or hot looks to meet someone in real life. Don't be fooled by those commercials that say "City Folks don't just get it" or "ONE out of 5 people meet their spouse online, and the stigma is declining". They all have a financial incentive to make you take the plunge for this joke of meeting people and socializing.
Think about it. Would the hottest or richest even entertain the idea of online dating.
The most beautiful women in my college LAUGHED OFF the idea of online dating and were too prideful to even go in that direction. So why did the top of the dating scene & social hierarchy NOT DO ONLINE DATING, BUT THEIR MOTHERS WHO WERE SINGLE USED IT??? WHY?
I thought that was very telling. It's so much more fulfilling to learn game theory and to devour all information espoused by PUAs such as Savoy/Mystery/Tom Leykis/Roosh/Style/Braddock and meet women THIS WAY. Once you get this knowledge, you wouldnt' want to ever go back to the former way of socializing.
No, but it's a really dumb idea. Why should the site owners rig the pool to accommodate you? They're providing the meeting place. It's no different than a bar. Should the bar limit the number of men who can enter in order to keep the male/female ratio even? And why stop there? Why not make sure there's an even mix of the different races and different age groups. I'm sorry, but whenever I hear people whine about how skewed online dating is, I wanna tell these people to grow up. Life is not supposed to be fair. Deal with it.
I have seen partys on campus that would strictly limit the number of men that could get in. The whole point of "value added" is to accommodate paying members other wise your membership drops off and you loose money or you build a reputation of being a sausage fest and guys wont pay anymore.
I am an engineer so I see no issues with social engineering as well, humanity has been perfecting engineering for thousands of years to get desirable outcomes, why not socially. Weed out the bums before they even get in the door to flood womens inboxes with bs.
Indeed this is the conventional wisdom, and intuitively it is obvious, at least for younger women. I wonder however what happens past around age 35, especially for career-oriented women who function in a world composed primarily of married people. Would not such women seek recourse to online dating to save time and to reach an unmarried audience?
Sometimes I ponder how the other side feels, mentally considering what would have happened were I to have been a woman. What then? I'm in a very male-dominated workplace, but most of the men either have wives or girlfriends. In my branch of ~30 people, only two have no stable partner with them, and one is very much a "player". From a woman's perspective, there are no eligible men. What about the gym - a place that I frequent? Well, casually eavesdropping on the gossip of groups of men, most are either the consummate frat-boys, or already have partners. Where else? The bookstore? The grocery store? Hardly.
The point is, that were I to have been a woman in my age and demographic bracket, even were I to have been attractive, I can't imagine how "real life" dating prospects would be good. If I (as a woman) had a ticking biological clock, conceivably (pun intended) I could find a walking sperm-donor. But what about a child-free man? I don't think so - even if I were a "10". So you see, thus the recourse to online dating.
Keep telling yourself that if it's working for you. If it's not working for you, though, you may wish to change your approach rather than blaming the universe.
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