Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
a person in good shape is not going to want to date an overweight person in any social situation. So whether its in person, or online.. your odds are way against you if you're overweight. Conclusion, go to the gym.. eat healthier and lose your weight.
Not necessarily. I happen to be in excellent physical shape, and have been lifting weights regularly for the past 23 years. My graduate students regularly ask for weight-lifting tips from me. However, that doesn't convey to my internet persona, and is therefore of no advantage on line. Meanwhile, I personally am entirely open to dating a woman who is (for example) 50 pounds overweight. It would actually be an opportunity to train her, and to help her to improve.
After all, I live in rural Ohio. If I'm going to eschew dating "an overweight person in any social situation", that's eliminating the majority of the population - and the vast majority in my age group. There are worse things than being overweight!
I do think being picky is part of the reason but for many they are picky offline as well. The thing though with online is looks are the first thing people look at then they look at the profile, while some don't even look at the profile (why I got so many men outside of my preferences). In person things develop naturally but online most people want the instant spark. The problem is though is very rarely will people get an instant spark from meeting. With online many people dismiss someone because at first glance they weren't interested instead of getting to know someone.
I just posted something on another forum, in defense of online dating, but the original poster really has a point. Everything IS set up to filter filter filter, and that's very contrary to the idea of adapting, and working through differences.
I've read so many online profiles that say "enjoy dinner out, but happy to stay home and catch a movie on the couch". WHAT IS THE POINT OF EVEN TYPING THAT??? "I like rain, but I like sun too"
What most women's (I'm sure guys do something equally annoying, like post pictures of themselves in the bathroom with no shirt on..wtf) anyway.....they all describe themselves as versatile, directly, or indirectly. I laugh anymore when I see "Coffee and conversation". REALLY?!?!?! YOU LIKE COFFEE AND CONVERSATION?!?!? how descriptive and informative...and so helpful, because there are only about 10,000 Starbucks in the world, plus another 50 million other coffee shops, so you may as well say "I like air and water". Maybe there should only be pictures on the website. Those websites do more to heal people's confidence after a break up than anything unique regarding dating. But.......I just paid $31 to be on match.com, so wtf do I know. I think people should flat out ask about the deal breakers, and aside from that, let the rest happen via conversation, etc.
"I like coffee and conversation, my friends describe me as easy going, and motivated. I'm absolutely fine on my own, but think life would be better with someone to share time.....go out/stay in red/white, I like it all. my pictures are all of me out seemingly conquering the world on my own, but that's because they make me feel better about myself, not because I normally do any of those things".
The problem isn't the website itself, the problem is the website allows people an easy way to describe themselves perfectly, and portrey themselves as the person they wish they were, but aren't always. Totally human nature, but once you put that in print, you're actually accountable for acting that way...Were it NOT for those pictures, I probably would never have even asked if you like to look over the edge of the grand canyon often, or hold a python snake, or whatever.
Dating websites would be better off using only pictures, and attributes that someone considers deal breakers, and the absolute worst offense of all, old pictures. damnit. These days, I ask point blank "Are those photos recent?" While it does give away that I must be totally shallow for caring what a woman looks like, I've really just stopped caring if anyone knows that makes a difference to me. I wonder if women are thinking that they can make men fall in love with them before we actually see them in person, and by then, their appearance won't matter. again, wtf.
Recent pictures, showing what you really look like
smoker or not
kids or not
single, separated, or divorced
that's all the information that ought to be on the website, becuase that's all you'd get in person too....the rest, it's my job to determine if I like, after I've gotten the basics down, becuase we all know....natural attraction will go a long way to make me actually like doing things they like, even if I never would have thought I would like doing it. That's the whole point of things isn't it? I'm actually AFRAID to date the woman that is exactly like me. well Said Bob100, well said
Makes me wonder how well I would have done dating if I had tried online. One of my best features is my voice and accent. It always gave men an opening for conversation. That sort of thing doesn't show up in an online profile.
Location: Georgia, on the Florida line, right above Tallahassee
10,471 posts, read 15,835,178 times
Reputation: 6438
Quote:
Originally Posted by bob100
The #1 reason online dating sites don’t work is because it’s too easy to be super picky. When you meet someone in person, at a party, a bar, a casual gathering, a conference, wherever. You don’t have a lot of information. You go on if you’re physically attracted first or at least not repulsed, then you go on various personality traits, whether the conversation is good which usually happens to be based on both conversation skills and chemistry. Online though people poor through the profile and look for any tiny reason to reject someone. .
Not necessarily even dates. Getting responses sure would be nice.
Would be nice, for sure! But what, exactly are you paying for? Are responses at the control of the site? Are they owed you for the cost of the service? I think not. Some folks don't agree.
The #1 reason online dating sites don’t work is because it’s too easy to be super picky. When you meet someone in person, at a party, a bar, a casual gathering, a conference, wherever. You don’t have a lot of information. You go on if you’re physically attracted first or at least not repulsed, then you go on various personality traits, whether the conversation is good which usually happens to be based on both conversation skills and chemistry.
Online though people poor through the profile and look for any tiny reason to reject someone. I don’t think they really realize they’re doing it but they do. Their profile says they want someone fit. You’re not overweight but you don’t consider yourself fit so you don’t contact. You think that comes up in real life? Their profile says they like hiking. You think, I don’t hike much so they probably won’t like me and don’t bother to write even though it’s likely they hike less than once a year. Their profile says they want someone who goes to the gym regularly yet they are unlikely to even consider that topic meeting someone live. Unless the person they are meeting is noticeably overweight. It goes on and on. Their profile says they read a lot you read something into that and don’t write. They write liberal and you think hippy and don’t write.
I don’t know what the solution is but the solution is NOT rejecting more people based on their criteria. The solution has to involve some other way to get people talking and meeting easier without all the superficial criteria that would never filter people in real life. Filters that honestly don’t matter in real life. That IMO is the #1 reason they don’t work.
#2 might be too many AHOLE men just looking for sex. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with that.
#3 is that pictures lie. But I think the problem is not that people post old pictures or pictures that are too beautiful. I think it’s that only some people are photogenic. Many people who you’d find relatively attractive look horrible in their pictures. I’ll bet you see tons of fairly attractive people in the real world how have poor pictures online. I don’t know if video would solve that. It would add new problems like lighting, sound, interview skills, etc but it might at least solve the photo problem.
If you don't have the right photo online dating won't work
A fact I brought up many times here. Most women get a lot of responses, sometimes hundreds. In the 6 months I was on OKC I got maybe 10. I had a real good profile with an up to date picture.
For the average guy that doesn't like to beg it is pointless.
A rich young hunk that wants a family will not have any trouble.
But not every women is qualified to have a conversation with a young rich hunk
Which is why I am on the FREE SITES like craigslist
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
