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Jet Jockey is not bad looking, perhaps she needs to lower her bar a bit from what ever she currently looking for. It always works for me. If your dating men that have a bunch of women lined up then they are obviously a 7 or higher and that's what 7's do, men who are 5's will be much more likely to stay.
JJ you could try changing things up if you cant seem to get a guy to stay. Also guys that really like sex are not always guys that just want to use you and dump you.
Jet Jockey is not bad looking, perhaps she needs to lower her bar a bit from what ever she currently looking for. It always works for me. If your dating men that have a bunch of women lined up then they are obviously a 7 or higher and that's what 7's do, men who are 5's will be much more likely to stay.
JJ you could try changing things up if you cant seem to get a guy to stay. Also guys that really like sex are not always guys that just want to use you and dump you.
I'm not going to be with someone I don't like just because he'll 'stick around'. I did that once already and I regret it completely.
I love sex, and I want a guy who loves sex as well, I just don't want a guy who is ONLY dating me because I happen to have a vagina. I've also done that and it didn't turn out well.
I'm not looking for a relationship any longer so it's really a non-issue at this point.
I was at a conference the other day, there were 20 women in the room, of these 20, I counted, only four would have been considered, 'thin, fit, or slim'. The women were between the ages of 30-50.
I was actually astonished, the world is not full of thin women. So, men looking for 'Angelina Jolie', should really have a reality check.
No, this was not a Weight Watchers meeting, it was a conference of professional women, for learning about government administration.
A lot of men have a very skewed idea of what qualifies as thin. They also have a very narrow range of what they consider acceptable. The thinnest a woman can be is Natalie Portman/Mila Kunis thin. The heaviest she can be is Jennifer Lawrence/Scarlet Johansen/Katy Perry. If you fall outside of that range, these men will say you're fat. I know men who say Drew Barrymore is fat. At what point do these men recognize how unrealistic their standards are? Also, as someone else pointed out, these men are hardly in great shape themselves. They want woman with perfectly flat stomachs while they themselves are walking around with beer guts.
I've sent out probably...30 messages? I've received 4 replies so far, and only 2 of those were decent. The other two just assumed I wanted a hookup
And yeah, the last guy I went out with was up in Somerville but I don't have a car so I have to stay somewhat within the city. I don't want to make a guy have to drive me everywhere, so it's better if we're fairly close.
You are doing about as good as I am! LOL
I decided to just sit back and let the men contact me. I get the impression unless they are interested in me in the first place, any amount of trying to contact them is pointless as they won't respond to me.
I've had three men contact me in the month I've been online. One lives way too far away to be practical (although he seems pretty nice and cool). Another one contacted me, but when we e-mail will answer my questions (but doesn't ask his own to keep a conversation going). Think I am going to just drop his conversation--there is nothing to respond to in his last message (or his last 5 messages). It just feels forced. The third just contacted me today.
For what it's worth, I am one of those that doesn't photograph well. I was online before (I kind of dropped out for a while before signing back up again a month ago) and every man I eventually met commented that I looked a lot prettier in person (not in those exact words... but when you have a guy say, "wow, you're really pretty" to you a few times on a date like he wasn't expecting it, then it gives you a clue). I just don't pose well for pictures (I look better in candid shots too).
All in all, going back to the OP's message. I basically agree. With dating sites you can be overly picky and it's kind of counter to the way people have met in the past where you like someone and then start talking to them to get to know them. Dating sites take the initial chemistry out of meeting. Still, it's a good tool. But don't let it be the only tool you use to find dates.
Meeting and getting to know someone in person is much more organic than dating sites, imo. I prefer it by a long shot. The only problem is people seem to keep to themselves more these days so access is more limited. You have to be a lot more creative and adventurous in meeting people offline.
The #1 reason online dating sites don’t work is because it’s too easy to be super picky. When you meet someone in person, at a party, a bar, a casual gathering, a conference, wherever. You don’t have a lot of information. You go on if you’re physically attracted first or at least not repulsed, then you go on various personality traits, whether the conversation is good which usually happens to be based on both conversation skills and chemistry.
Online though people poor through the profile and look for any tiny reason to reject someone. I don’t think they really realize they’re doing it but they do. Their profile says they want someone fit. You’re not overweight but you don’t consider yourself fit so you don’t contact. You think that comes up in real life? Their profile says they like hiking. You think, I don’t hike much so they probably won’t like me and don’t bother to write even though it’s likely they hike less than once a year. Their profile says they want someone who goes to the gym regularly yet they are unlikely to even consider that topic meeting someone live. Unless the person they are meeting is noticeably overweight. It goes on and on. Their profile says they read a lot you read something into that and don’t write. They write liberal and you think hippy and don’t write.
I don’t know what the solution is but the solution is NOT rejecting more people based on their criteria. The solution has to involve some other way to get people talking and meeting easier without all the superficial criteria that would never filter people in real life. Filters that honestly don’t matter in real life. That IMO is the #1 reason they don’t work.
Actually, all that does is remove the waste of time that you'd have if you spent the time to get to know someone in real life that would end up doing/liking things that you don't like. Sounds like nothing but a time saver to me. People are going to be picky regardless. The internet just saves time for them, it doesn't create their selective personality.
Quote:
Originally Posted by bob100
#2 might be too many AHOLE men just looking for sex. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with that.
Men are always looking for sex. That's almost a given. We think about it quite often. It doesn't matter if we meet you online, a bar, a grocery store or church; we're imagining ourselves in your pants. Most men can control themselves though.
Quote:
Originally Posted by bob100
#3 is that pictures lie. But I think the problem is not that people post old pictures or pictures that are too beautiful. I think it’s that only some people are photogenic. Many people who you’d find relatively attractive look horrible in their pictures. I’ll bet you see tons of fairly attractive people in the real world how have poor pictures online. I don’t know if video would solve that. It would add new problems like lighting, sound, interview skills, etc but it might at least solve the photo problem.
That's why if you feel you like the person's personality from their profile, you meet them anyway. If their pictures weren't what you expected, in a bad way, just politely tell them after the date that you don't think it's going to work out. While people may not be photogenic, pictures generally don't lie, unless the person is just being misleading to begin with (ten year old pictures, gained 100lbs since pictures, etc.) They may be a little more or less attractive than what's in the pictures, but hey, when you're presenting yourself for suitors, would you not choose the pictures that make you look your best? Just like going on a date, you're going to present yourself in the best fashion possible.
There's nothing wrong with online dating as not as you're not foolish about it. I know plenty of people who have found wonderful mates online, myself included.
Quote:
Originally Posted by srjth
Meeting and getting to know someone in person is much more organic than dating sites, imo. I prefer it by a long shot. The only problem is people seem to keep to themselves more these days so access is more limited. You have to be a lot more creative and adventurous in meeting people offline.
I don't really understand that whole idea. All internet dating is, is a convenient way to meet people. It's not like internet dating consists of talking to each other for months, developing a relationship over emails and finally meeting. Most of them send a couple messages and meet up in real life and continue on from there. It's no different than having a friend hook you up or meeting someone somewhere social, except you actually know a little about them first.
Actually, all that does is remove the waste of time that you'd have if you spent the time to get to know someone in real life that would end up doing/liking things that you don't like. Sounds like nothing but a time saver to me. People are going to be picky regardless. The internet just saves time for them, it doesn't create their selective personality.
Men are always looking for sex. That's almost a given. We think about it quite often. It doesn't matter if we meet you online, a bar, a grocery store or church; we're imagining ourselves in your pants. Most men can control themselves though.
That's why if you feel you like the person's personality from their profile, you meet them anyway. If their pictures weren't what you expected, in a bad way, just politely tell them after the date that you don't think it's going to work out. While people may not be photogenic, pictures generally don't lie, unless the person is just being misleading to begin with (ten year old pictures, gained 100lbs since pictures, etc.) They may be a little more or less attractive than what's in the pictures, but hey, when you're presenting yourself for suitors, would you not choose the pictures that make you look your best? Just like going on a date, you're going to present yourself in the best fashion possible.
There's nothing wrong with online dating as not as you're not foolish about it. I know plenty of people who have found wonderful mates online, myself included.
I don't really understand that whole idea. All internet dating is, is a convenient way to meet people. It's not like internet dating consists of talking to each other for months, developing a relationship over emails and finally meeting. Most of them send a couple messages and meet up in real life and continue on from there. It's no different than having a friend hook you up or meeting someone somewhere social, except you actually know a little about them first.
Good post! I like online dating. It's a time saver and a fast way to meet tons of people with similar interests.
I don't really understand that whole idea. All internet dating is, is a convenient way to meet people. It's not like internet dating consists of talking to each other for months, developing a relationship over emails and finally meeting. Most of them send a couple messages and meet up in real life and continue on from there. It's no different than having a friend hook you up or meeting someone somewhere social, except you actually know a little about them first.
For me, it being convenient (read: I can be lazy) is the only plus.
I don't think that makes it the best avenue though.
That's just me though.
For me, it being convenient (read: I can be lazy) is the only plus.
I don't think that makes it the best avenue though.
That's just me though.
I'm not sure how it could be better or worse considering you're doing the same thing when you walk up to somebody you don't know. At least with online dating, you know a little about them beforehand and have something to talk about.
I decided to just sit back and let the men contact me. I get the impression unless they are interested in me in the first place, any amount of trying to contact them is pointless as they won't respond to me.
I've had three men contact me in the month I've been online. One lives way too far away to be practical (although he seems pretty nice and cool). Another one contacted me, but when we e-mail will answer my questions (but doesn't ask his own to keep a conversation going). Think I am going to just drop his conversation--there is nothing to respond to in his last message (or his last 5 messages). It just feels forced. The third just contacted me today.
For what it's worth, I am one of those that doesn't photograph well. I was online before (I kind of dropped out for a while before signing back up again a month ago) and every man I eventually met commented that I looked a lot prettier in person (not in those exact words... but when you have a guy say, "wow, you're really pretty" to you a few times on a date like he wasn't expecting it, then it gives you a clue). I just don't pose well for pictures (I look better in candid shots too).
All in all, going back to the OP's message. I basically agree. With dating sites you can be overly picky and it's kind of counter to the way people have met in the past where you like someone and then start talking to them to get to know them. Dating sites take the initial chemistry out of meeting. Still, it's a good tool. But don't let it be the only tool you use to find dates.
This last bout of online I did get a lot of messages but I would say 90% were either from guys who didn't fit my requirements I stressed in my profile like being a dad or my dad's age, or were looking for sex, or a variety of freaks (like the guy who said he'd kill himself if I didn't get back to him at that moment). I had a few guys I was interested in look at my profile so I emailed them. Several guys spring to mind as they were either my physical type or my mental or moral type. In fact one guy was literally the type of man I always dreamed I would date. Not one contacted me back.
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