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With all the red flags, you could make a quilt! How is his finances? Is he paying alimony? How many kids does he have? From how many of the marriages? Does he see his kids? Are the kids young enough that one has custody? With that many wives, he could have custody of kids every weekend. How many kids does the OP's friend have? How many times has she been divorced? So many things to think about not even mentioned in this thread yet.
Repeated divorces is a red flag to me, in terms of stability. I guess it would depend on if a person is looking for stability or not, when determining whether this is importantl.
In my opinion, marriage is extremely important, if you want a long-term, committed relationship. It's far too easy to just walk out the door if you aren't married.
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Originally Posted by Checkered24
I would think 4 prior marriages is a big red flag for someone thinking of commitment.
Why commit (by marriage)? If you don't want to be with someone after awhile, it won't make any difference if you had commuted anyway. Why force (by committing) someone to be with someone?
But as others had mentioned, the insurance, estate planning, tax implications are good reasons. Even raising children doesn't require the "state" of marriage.
In my opinion, marriage is extremely important, if you want a long-term, committed relationship. It's far too easy to just walk out the door if you aren't married. I believe that people will actually work harder to address issues when they come up, in a marriage. Not a always true of course, but I think it applies in most cases. Divorce is complex and often painful....and no one gets married expecting to get divorced. We get married because we want to be together permanently....even though that isn't always the end result. Also, getting married sort of proclaims to the world that "Hey I love this person and I want to spend my life with them...so much that I am willing to put it down right here on paper!". That may not mean much to you, but it means an awful lot to many others.
Even though I personally have no desire to marry again, I am a huge believer in it, and if you want to have children, I think it's even more important.
I generally agree with your views, unfortunately we live in a throw away society and that includes a 50 percent divorce rate, so apparently it's just as easy to leave, whether you are married or not.... the numbers don't lie....
I generally agree with your views, unfortunately we live in a throw away society and that includes a 50 percent divorce rate, so apparently it's just as easy to leave, whether you are married or not.... the numbers don't lie....
Life is too short to be unhappily married.
A low divorce rate isn't a noble metric. A high marriage satisfaction rate is a noble metric.
Maybe MORE people ought to be divorced to increase the marriage satisfaction rate.
A close friend of my wife is in her late 40s and has fallen in love with a recently divorced man. We met them for lunch and they seem very much in love by how they communicate with each other. After 9 months there is talk about marriage. I would say go for it because they seem compatible and seem like a couple but then I found out he had been married and divorced four times. He must be able to charm the women but can't stay with them.
What do you think of men or women who have been married and divorced multiple times? How many divorces would raise a red flag? 2, 3, 4, 5, or more?
I am sure each of his ex wives thought their relationship would be different! But the ending was the same. But maybe my wife's friend, #5 will be the exception.
Your friend needs to be VERY careful. I know someone EXTREMELY verbally abusive. He has never been married because all the women leave him. He's a narcoses. He thinks all these women are crazy, tells everyone how horrible they are. His own family can't stand him and thinks he's nuts. The thing is he lays the charm on thick and hooks them in and then they see him for who he his.
Not saying this the case, sounds like it. If he's been taken to court by exGFs not just ex wives, enough said he's crazy.
For me married twice and divorced twice would be a concern.
Why commit (by marriage)? If you don't want to be with someone after awhile, it won't make any difference if you had commuted anyway. Why force (by committing) someone to be with someone?
For us, it has nothing to do with force. It is a declaration of mutual commitment. If ever he no longer desires that mutual commitment, he will get a completely amicable divorce from me.
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But as others had mentioned, the insurance, estate planning, tax implications are good reasons. Even raising children doesn't require the "state" of marriage.
I would not say govt marriage is a requirement at all. Once upon a time, some smaht guy somewhere observed that married people tended to be more stable and thus more successful at raising children. So a bunch of tax benefits were created to encourage people to get or stay married. Never dreaming that the people who tended to stay married were themselves the stable force. Not the state sanctioned marriage certificate.
A low divorce rate isn't a noble metric. A high marriage satisfaction rate is a noble metric.
Maybe MORE people ought to be divorced to increase the marriage satisfaction rate.
Bingo! Must be the front row! But I would say a lot of people should not get married in the first place. They think true love conquers all. But it takes skill, dedication and maturity to make a marriage.
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