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Facial attractiveness, height, (if male) red hair, and other things can trip up someone who is "well groomed, at a healthy weight, and wear[s] normal clean clothes."
I dunno. My uncle has red hair and is around 5'10 and no charmer looking at his face. And whether he was rich or poor at the time ive seen him with more and hotter women than any man I have ever met in my life. I am talking legit models were lined up every time I'd go see him.
What matters is the how you make someone feel & how you feed their ego. Obviously, beauty makes people feel good - we are drawn to it in nature as well as in other people. It stirs something within us, and it's not just sexual. It also feeds the ego to get someone considered attractive.
However, you do not have to have good looks to have that effect on someone. If you can manage to make someone feel good & feed their ego in some other way, then you likely have a shot. Feeding the ego does not mean flattering them to death; that makes you look needy. You just need to have or appear to have a high value, especially socially. This is partly why ugly musicians attract women.
Making someone feel good means you boost their ego on a more personal level - they get to feel like the person they want to be when around you. This is why the homely girl who laughs at a man's jokes will get the date over the quiet, icy beauty who does not.
People also tend to value sheer beauty less & less as they get older and they find what really leads to a mutually happy relationship. It becomes less & less a factor in attraction (as even physical/sexual attraction does not boil down to sheer aesthetic appeal), although it usually still has a significant role (at least initially).
I disagree with the implication that many musicians are ugly. Not the young ones anyway. If you disregard the scruff, they're generally above average facially. Often short, though.
The opening "how you make someone feel" statement is very true, and I appreciate your acknowledgement of looks therein. I'm sure an ugly person can make someone feel good. But will he or she get the chance? (No, I don't believe the homely girl vs. icy beauty date example. And ugly people generally have smaller social spheres.) More worryingly, it's normal for reasonably compatible people to have rough times in the relationship. Since physical attraction is expected to be part of the good feeling, if it's mostly there as a byproduct of emotional attraction, the connectedness can disappear fast and then it can feel like the relationship is empty and without potential. Therefore, at least without children or a legal bond as ties, break-up becomes likely. By contrast, good-looking people rarely get dumped by not-so-attractive partners.
Also, despite the deep-seated fear people like me have about eternal singlehood, most folks are less afraid of being single as they get older. They're also probably more social than me on average. Between the two, that means age doesn't normally lead to much deemphasizing appearance, except as pertains to outgrowing extreme superficiality and pressure to start a family (or, ha, getting some sucker to fund existing children). Therefore, it also means only limited relief for ugly people. I think some objection to "Looks matter" is based on an allergy to the world not being fair.
Well, I've done quite a bit of research on the subject.
To the only people who say looks don't matter are 100% NOT attractive themselves.
They "settle" or grab a opposite sex equivalent of themselves.
"Maw" and "Paw" so to speak.
"Lardo" and "Lardette".
"Muttface" and "Molly".
"Jellyroll" and "Jam".
You get the picture..........................
You haven't been here very long, so you wouldn't know that some of our women members are with very average guys even though they, themselves, are more the "hot" type. All these theories of equivalency that get posted here are only that: theories. Reality is very different. Human beings are very complex, and their interactions can't be boiled down to simplistic formulas.
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