Why don't women ask men out? (long-term, unattractive, surprise, exclusive)
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Here's the thing. Women here claim that men are too dense to know when they're showing interest in them. Here's the routine:
"OMG, I talk to them; I laugh at their jokes; I smile when they speak to me; Why in the world don't they understand that I'm interested in them and want to date them! Men are so dense!
Here's the "other side".
"OMG. Just because I talk to them and laugh at their jokes and smile when I speak to them, they always think I'm interested in them and want to date them! Why don't they understand I'm just being friendly! Men are so dense!"
And women really don't understand men's confusion and frustration?
Yeah. All I'm going to take from a girl laughing at my jokes is that she's one of the many other people who is laughing at what I said. If this is how women mainly show interest to me, they are no different to me than anyone else there at the time.
Here's the thing. Women here claim that men are too dense to know when they're showing interest in them. Here's the routine:
"OMG, I talk to them; I laugh at their jokes; I smile when they speak to me; Why in the world don't they understand that I'm interested in them and want to date them! Men are so dense!
Here's the "other side".
"OMG. Just because I talk to them and laugh at their jokes and smile when I speak to them, they always think I'm interested in them and want to date them! Why don't they understand I'm just being friendly! Men are so dense!"
And women really don't understand men's confusion and frustration?
I understand this. I think part of the problem is you need a context, and it's hard to have one when you've just met. This is why over time & repeated interaction, people find it easier to tell when someone is flirting. You have to note how they act in general & towards others, and then you have a contrast.
Being very quiet & reserved, flirty for me is probably regular old friendly for other women. But someone wouldn't know that unless they knew how I generally am.
Also, what subtle to men, perhaps too subtle, can be very obvious to other women. As a woman, you may not want it soooo obvious to other women that you're interested in a man.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JJS99
Hmm.
I don't know about that. I ask out women who could be considered average and below by other men all the time and get rejected. And my friends have too. I think an average woman gets tons of attention. Especially if she's white.
Women don't ask men out, because only a few men would view it as an expression of her wanting to get to know them better in the acceptable setting of an actual date. Others would just be immature and think that you're coming on to them. Men you want the woman to ask you for a date? Not sure some of you can HANDLE the date!
That's why I've never asked a man out. I got the feeling if I asked a guy out he could be thinking"meh..... why not? If she is this forward she must really want me and I'll get lucky..." So I get the feeling he would say yes even if he is not very interested. If I guy asked me out at least I know he liked me enough to put himself on the line.
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That's why I've never asked a man out. I got the feeling if I asked a guy out he could be thinking"meh..... why not? If she is this forward she must really want me and I'll get lucky..." So I get the feeling he would say yes even if he is not very interested. If I guy asked me out at least I know he liked me enough to put himself on the line.
Kind of like what guys have to go through?
Oh wait, women would only go out with you if they're really interested
Why would that be? I was ''pushed'' into asking a woman out this past week. I don't intend on taking her on a date or anything of that sort, but I wanted to teach the young man who was by my side how women act when they want to be taken somewhere by a man, and the woman herself went immediatly to her girlfriends to inform them that I was to take her out next week.
I am also quite familiar with other women and their closest friends know when they are hooking-up with guys or when they're interested in men. It might be an issue of not wanting rivals, but I suppose these women best friends would eventually gossip anyway and their rivals would find out the interest in those particular guys, which would invalidate the original desire to keep the attraction the woman felt, for this specific guy, to be kept in the dark, void.
By "other women" I don't mean close friends. Just women observers in a social circle.
It's definitely not because of rivals. Obvious interest shown by other women in a man makes him less attractive to me, but then I may be odd there.
It's because you get pegged at desperate & pathetic if you are seen as initiating, but mainly if you get turned down. If you're successful, you may still get pegged as this, but it may be out of secret envy at your success.
It's the same as men getting shot down when asking a woman out....there can be maneuvering to save face. But it's less traditional for women to initiate & so there is more social value to risk in doing so.... You're seen as not having high value if you HAVE to initiate. It's seen as if you MUST because you're not attractive enough to just draw someone to you.
There is the common assumption that the average woman has men hitting on her all the time & she simply has to pick. So if she "has" to initiate, then there's some reason she's not being pursued. People often assume its a negative reason.
Oh wait, women would only go out with you if they're really interested
There are inequities on both sides.
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Because generally speaking, dating is just riskier for women than it is for men. Women have to worry more about rape. Women have to worry more about physical violence. Women have to worry more about pregnancy. Women even have to worry more about STDs, since transmission from male to female is often easier than the reverse. On top of all that, sexually assertive women are still regarded as "sluts" by many men, while sexually assertive men get labeled "studs."
All of these factors make women much less likely to assert themselves by asking men out...
Which is exactly why women should be more proactive.
If women asked men out, most would go for the same types of guys (reasonably attractive, taller than average, "educated", gainfully employed or at least has good employment prospects, sexually experienced by not a man w****). Women have to like the man before accepting a lot of faults. Men generally will accept more faults up front but may regret them later. Honestly, most men don't score 8's 9's and 10's in all categories. If they do, they're usually have some serious character flaws that aren't easy to spot at first glance.
I agree, I think instead of guys asking why women don't ask them out.. they should just get over it and ask out women.
Who really cares at the end of the day?
Yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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